Depressed tonight bc I'm alone

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ssa_fellow

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Is anyone on these forums a psychologist or something?

No, I haven’t been getting any therapy or anything. I felt really lonely and depressed tonight. I was invited by some friends to do something, and I chose not to go. It’s like, if I’m in a medium size group, like 6+ I just feel like it wouldn’t be noticed if I wasn’t there.
More to the point, there’s a good chance that I would’ve felt equally lonely going there and hanging out as I was staying home alone on a Friday night.

So: damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Either way I’m gonna be depressed. It’s terrible. What’s the solution? I just wish there was something I could do.
I exercised and prayed a Rosary today. Still depressed.

What would make me not depressed?

I forgot what I said in my recent post. Consider checking it out. Idk…
I’m a college drop out. Every path in life seems like it would end in me being depressed, bc I’m gay and I would hav to live by myself no matter how much money I make.
I don’t want to live by myself. And that’s why I obsess about Catholic communities. But I can’t join them bc I hav debts to pay off. So the priests tell me to get a job until they’re paid off.

I hav so little joy in life. And I hav even less motivation. All my friends hav hopes and dreams. But I really feel like bc of the Church’s teaching I really hav one thing left to live for: Catholic community. That’s just like an idea out there. If I couldn’t find a lay community or a religious order eventually to live in… I mean… … Srsly, I really am not living for any thing else.
Maybe I’d try to find a romantic relationship w/ a man. Idk. There’s just so little I even want in life anymore.
I don’t want a job or a house or a car. I just want to not be alone. I want someone to be here with me at 2:40 am on a Friday night. Can I do that without sinning? How can I hav someone here right now and still follow what the Church wants? Does the Church’s teaching mandate that I be alone most of the time? A lot of the time?

Other than a Catholic community, how do I not be alone for most of my future?
Or, how can I get into a Catholic community even tho I hav rent to pay. Like, I would sell one of my kidneys for the money almost…
 
ssa_fellow said:
Is anyone on these forums a psychologist or something?

No, I haven’t been getting any therapy or anything. I felt really lonely and depressed tonight. I was invited by some friends to do something, and I chose not to go. It’s like, if I’m in a medium size group, like 6+ I just feel like it wouldn’t be noticed if I wasn’t there.
More to the point, there’s a good chance that I would’ve felt equally lonely going there and hanging out as I was staying home alone on a Friday night.

So: damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Either way I’m gonna be depressed. It’s terrible. What’s the solution? I just wish there was something I could do.
I exercised and prayed a Rosary today. Still depressed.

What would make me not depressed?

I forgot what I said in my recent post. Consider checking it out. Idk…
I’m a college drop out. Every path in life seems like it would end in me being depressed, bc I’m gay and I would hav to live by myself no matter how much money I make.
I don’t want to live by myself. And that’s why I obsess about Catholic communities. But I can’t join them bc I hav debts to pay off. So the priests tell me to get a job until they’re paid off.

I hav so little joy in life. And I hav even less motivation. All my friends hav hopes and dreams. But I really feel like bc of the Church’s teaching I really hav one thing left to live for: Catholic community. That’s just like an idea out there. If I couldn’t find a lay community or a religious order eventually to live in… I mean… … Srsly, I really am not living for any thing else.
Maybe I’d try to find a romantic relationship w/ a man. Idk. There’s just so little I even want in life anymore.
I don’t want a job or a house or a car. I just want to not be alone. I want someone to be here with me at 2:40 am on a Friday night. Can I do that without sinning? How can I hav someone here right now and still follow what the Church wants? Does the Church’s teaching mandate that I be alone most of the time? A lot of the time?

Other than a Catholic community, how do I not be alone for most of my future?
Or, how can I get into a Catholic community even tho I hav rent to pay. Like, I would sell one of my kidneys for the money almost…
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

I would really, really recommend counseling, and seeing your GP for your depression. You don’t have to live with it, and you can get help for it.

Try and focus on one day at a time. Make goals for your day - today I will spend time with my friends. Today I will focus on working really hard. Today I will go for a walk. Just small, achievable goals that you can build on in the long term.

With regards to your friends - is there any way you could arrange to see them in smaller groups? If you feel pushed out with lots of people, see them one at a time.

I think one of the best things for you to do (and counseling will help you with this) is for you to stop labelling yourself by your sexual orientation. Having a partner won’t automatically solve the problems in your life - and it wouldn’t be fair to them if they felt as though they had to. Try not to anchor yourself to other people - do not measure your self worth in friends, or in thoughts of how a partner will change your life. You need to find things that make you happy for you, and these shouldn’t be dependent on another person.

:console: I’m not a psychologist by any means, but you can always PM me if you want to talk.

Lou
 
Dr. Cindy Trimm says that loneliness is not from the lack of people or friends but from a
lack of vision.

Shalom,
Jerry
 
how can you get into a Catholic community even though you have rent to pay? what exactly does that mean?
 
Honestly, the answer is not in staying home and being upset.
The answer can be found in getting out.
Put your two feet on the floor and start walking.
Walk to the food bank and volunteer. You’ll meet great people there. You’ll meet people who are worse off than you are. in other words, start being concerned for the welfare of others, and friends will be there. Friends don’t come to us. If you feel you are not noticed, are you contributing anything to the conversation? Doing any of the heavy lifting socially?
Take a set of checkers to the park, or a cheap chess set, and sit at a table. Someone will come along and ask if they can play.
Worrying about who’s going to be a roommate in the future is pointless.
Get involved somewhere. I’ll pray for you.
 
You are in my prayers. Check out www.couragerc.org. This is a Catholic group that helps people with same sex attraction. You could find help there and even friends.
 
I’m sorry to hear you are lonely. It is a hard thing to deal with.

Try talking to Jesus as your friend and just confidently place yourself in his presence. Then be there with him in your innner room, the two of you, and experience his presence. Just be with him for a while, for it does help to take the edge off your loneliness.
 
We could not give professional advice on the forum even if any of us was a psychologist. I agree that you should seek a professional for counseling. It seems like you are setting yourself up to be depressed no matter what. So what if no one pays attention to you if you go to a social gathering? Many of us experience that from time to time. It shouldn’t stop you from socializing or getting out and doing things.
 
Lou2U said:
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

I would really, really recommend counseling, and seeing your GP for your depression. You don’t have to live with it, and you can get help for it.

Lou
Click to expand...
I live in America. I noticed this in one of my other threads, how there were multiple ppl from the U.K., I think you posted there as well. And they all said: “see your GP”. And the Americans all said: I hope you can find someone for counselling.

I just thought I would point this out. Obviously, as the Americans on this thread would know, I don’t really have a doctor assigned to me. Actually, since I’ve been in college and hav been at odds with my parents I haven’t been to a doctor or a dentist in a long while. Like, maybe one time to each in the past 5 years.

Anyways, I don’t really hav enough money to afford counselling right now. The university has free counselling, that I used to get, but I don’t qualify for it bc I’m not a student anymore. And that’s the only thing that’s free that I know of.
 
7_Sorrows said:
how can you get into a Catholic community even though you have rent to pay? what exactly does that mean?
Click to expand...
I’m stuck in a 1 year lease that runs from August 2015- August 2016. My dad payed it for me, up until January. But he said he wouldn’t pay it anymore. So, I can’t go to a Catholic community if I’m going to be hounded by creditors for breaking a lease. My priest says I should get a job. What if I don’t get a job? I’m going to be kicked out of my house. Most people’s parents don’t abandon them when they’re 23. In fact, you’d think they’d be trying to help me even more so given that I hav depression. But, its just “your depression will go away when you get a job”. Well, that is absolute BS. The last job I had was for over a year and I had depression the whole time I worked there.
 
Sunbreak said:
We could not give professional advice on the forum even if any of us was a psychologist. I agree that you should seek a professional for counseling. It seems like you are setting yourself up to be depressed no matter what. So what if no one pays attention to you if you go to a social gathering? Many of us experience that from time to time. It shouldn’t stop you from socializing or getting out and doing things.
Click to expand...
I don’t choose to be depressed. And I don’t choose to be gay.
I suppose I do choose to follow the Church’s teaching. And, because of that choice, which I imagine everyone here would support, it seems like I’m supposed to live alone for the rest of my life.

If I have to do that, I’m going to kill myself ok? I’m not living alone for the rest of my life.

No one had an answer to this question:
ssa fellow:
Other than a Catholic community, how do I not be alone for most of my future?
Click to expand...
 
What about Catholic Charities? See where they operate in your diocese, and quite possibly they can help with your counseling and other needs. I used to volunteer at our local Catholic Charity center delivering food, before my mom needed more of my care. I know they had professional therapists and job counselors who volunteered their time there to help those in financial need.

I live alone now (except when I’m over at my mom’s or with family) and I am okay with that - I rather enjoy time by myself now after my long career in construction, where there were often too many people in noisy, dirty, cramped conditions - so I can’t really help you there. Praying for you, as always.
 
I want to ask - what have you done to address these ongoing issues you have regarding your feelings of depression and sadness and loneliness? You often come here asking for help, but you don’t tell us what you are doing, what steps you are taking to bring yourself out of this funk.

Scripture says “Ask, and you shall receive; seek, and you shall find; knock, and the door shall be opened to you.” Where are you seeking to find these answers? What doors are you knocking on? When you ask for God’s help, are you listening to receive the answer? Are you open to following what He says? Or are you waiting for God to give you the answer you want, and turning your back to any other?
 
Also, here’s the thing:
parents who “help” their 23 yr. old children or let them live at home (I know because I’m one of those parents) often get criticized for “babying, or enabling” their children.
Your parents likely are trying to get you to man up so to speak.
And in all seriousness…if you are thinking of harming yourself, get HELP immediately.
Call your priest.
Call the suicide hotline.
Call your parents, anyone.
But seek help. I will pray especially hard for you tonight.
Peace.
 
No. Not okay. Suicide is not the answer. I get that things seem hopeless right now, but they aren’t going to stay this way.

Some thoughts:
  1. You shouldn’t put a price on your health. You can see how not going to a doctor or getting counseling is affecting you. You should get a job and then save up so you can afford to get some help.
  2. You should also get a job because you won’t have to rely on your parents to pay for things, and you’ll have to go out the house on a regular basis. For people with depression, this can be really difficult - don’t make getting a job your enemy.
  3. I’m sorry about your parents. Have you tried sitting down with them and fully explaining how you feel? Have you told them you feel like you want to kill yourself? Part of the problem is you find it difficult to open up to them, but you aren’t going to get support until you do.
  4. You don’t need romance to have a happy, fulfilling life. A relationship will not solve your depression, or any financial issues, or the problem with your parents. The next time you get invited out by friends, go. Spend time volunteering, join local groups that have similar interests to you.
  5. If it makes it easier, take one of your friends to one side and explain how you’re feeling to them. Support from someone you know well will help.
  6. Talk to your Priest about how you’re feeling, and ask him what you can do to stop feeling alone - a Priest will know!
You need to change how you think of yourself. Don’t think “SSA, alone, depressed”. Identify yourself with positives - “Catholic, friend, interested in ______”. Don’t label yourself by your sexual orientation or your depression because you are so much more than that.

Lou
 
Hey, ssa fellow… I’ve been reading your posts. I have dealt with and have been dealing with the same kinda stuff your going through.

I sent you a pm man. You are in my thoughts & prayers. I’m always here to talk.

God bless.
 
I know that feeling of turning down friends and feeling alone. But also knowing that you won’t enjoy yourself there. Why? Because this is literally me. I just turned down a class outing lol. And then I go online and see people having fun on instagram and I’ll cry myself to sleep.

I also know that advice given by the people here, although you know that it is logical, you just can’t do it. You can’t go and make friends. You don’t know how to explain it, but it’s really hard for you to go and do stuff and have fun sometimes.

Honestly, the first step is for you is to go get professional help.If you can’t, there are online ‘therapy’. I don’t know how effective it is but you basically just talk to someone through a chatroom (7cupsoftea or something along those lines, try googling that). It’s not the same as therapy though.

Money-wise, get a job. Or ask your parents to help you out for counseling sessions. There are hotlines you can call if you need help.
 
pianistclare said:
Honestly, the answer is not in staying home and being upset.
The answer can be found in getting out.
Put your two feet on the floor and start walking.
Walk to the food bank and volunteer. You’ll meet great people there. You’ll meet people who are worse off than you are. in other words, start being concerned for the welfare of others, and friends will be there. Friends don’t come to us. If you feel you are not noticed, are you contributing anything to the conversation? Doing any of the heavy lifting socially?
Take a set of checkers to the park, or a cheap chess set, and sit at a table. Someone will come along and ask if they can play.
Worrying about who’s going to be a roommate in the future is pointless.
Get involved somewhere. I’ll pray for you.
Click to expand...
Perfect. Op you seem determined not to accept anything we say that might help.Please try SOMETHING suggested here. Get outside your situation and yourself. You are young and able bodied; use that to help those who are not. Please try? Blessings
 
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