Depressing parents and Condoms

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depressed_kid

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I am a girl, nearly 15 years old. My parents are unmarried & they probably didn’t plan to have me…I don’t like them but I know ppl are just like that, so I’m used to it & they don’t bother me anymore…I can usually deal with them ok.I live with my father, my mother lives nearby, & they don’t have any contact or talk to each other at all. (They haven’t for years,& they used to shout a lot.) It does really depress me having parents like this, (obviously they’re not like real parents & I can’t talk to them or anything) but like I said, I can usually deal with it, & in some ways it’s better.

But now Idk what to do at all…Yesterday I was looking for something in my fathers cabinet & I found CONDOMS!! Does that mean they once deprived me of a little brother or sister??? Or is he having sex with someone else??? I haven’t a clue; I was in Germany last month, so he could have been then.Idk what to think or how to feel.I would like to die & be an angel & never see him or my mother again.I think I’m taking it very well though…I didn’t fly into a rage or anything, because I knew it was pointless. And obviously I can’t say anything…What should I do??

What I’d really like to do is start a new life in Germany, & never see either of them again. But I can’t do that, I’m too young & I have to stay here.I was with my cousin in Germany, she was so nice to me, I wish she’d take me to stay there forever…

I really need help.
 
I’m sorry to hear of your struggle. I can hear the pain you feel through your writing. I wish I had answers for you but as you probably already figured out, there are no easy answers. Know you will be in my prayers. If I may I would pray for endurance and continued strength for you. Please realize just how special you are and how strong you are to withstand everything you have been through. Know you are loved by God and that the strength and endurance you show is all a gift of Christ.

May the blessed Mother pray for us all
 
depressed_kid said:
I am a girl, nearly 15 years old. My parents are unmarried & they probably didn’t plan to have me…I don’t like them but I know ppl are just like that, so I’m used to it & they don’t bother me anymore…I can usually deal with them ok.I live with my father, my mother lives nearby, & they don’t have any contact or talk to each other at all. (They haven’t for years,& they used to shout a lot.) It does really depress me having parents like this, (obviously they’re not like real parents & I can’t talk to them or anything) but like I said, I can usually deal with it, & in some ways it’s better.

But now Idk what to do at all…Yesterday I was looking for something in my fathers cabinet & I found CONDOMS!! Does that mean they once deprived me of a little brother or sister??? Or is he having sex with someone else??? I haven’t a clue; I was in Germany last month, so he could have been then.Idk what to think or how to feel.I would like to die & be an angel & never see him or my mother again.I think I’m taking it very well though…I didn’t fly into a rage or anything, because I knew it was pointless. And obviously I can’t say anything…What should I do??

What I’d really like to do is start a new life in Germany, & never see either of them again. But I can’t do that, I’m too young & I have to stay here.I was with my cousin in Germany, she was so nice to me, I wish she’d take me to stay there forever…

I really need help.
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**Prayers for you. Not too long ago I was a depressed 15 year old girl. It is awful. But know that there is help out there. Know that God loves you. And, yes, your parents love you too. Don’t ever doubt that. The condoms are an issue all in themselves and you can deal with that after you get some help for your depression. I am scared for you. Please call whatever number you have there in the States for a suicide hotline!!! It is not just for people about to harm themselves…they can really help you. Please, even though I am just a stranger on the internet I really LOVE you as a sister in Christ. Now go make that call. PLEASE. You will feel so much better once you get some control back in your life. **
 
Hi Kid,

Wow, so there is a lot going on right now, especially for someone at your age. You seem like you are able to step back from it. You seem very mature for your age.

The one thing I can tell you is that you are not able to pick your parents. But God did. There was some genetic combination only possible between them, which God needed to make you. You are special, and loved by Him, and needed in this world.

You have 2 opportunities for a great parent /child relationship. One is where you are the child, and you have limited ability to set the framework for that. The second will come later, when you are older, and you are able to set the framework for your family, and your relationship with your husband and children.

Please do not waist your time, effort and energy trying to analyse and feel bad about what “could have been” or “what is happening”. Your parents are adults, and you can not influence their decisions (nor should you, that is not your role or your responsibility).

Right now, you should focus on finishing highschool. Doing well, getting into college, and participating in Church activities to strengthen your faith and your character. Eventually, when you are older, you will meet a Godly man who will complete you, and your desire for an intact and holy family.

May God bless you!
 
Hi,
What a rotten situation to be in. You’ve got a really good heart and your ability to reason well is intact. That wouldn’t be true with a lot of kids in your situation. My parents had both my brother and me without benefit of marriage in the 1950’s when there really was a stigma attached to it. My father was unfaithful, so I know just a little of where you’re coming from. The thing I would most ask you to remember is that you aren’t responsible for your parents’ choices and you’re not responsible for fixing them. The most effective and helpful thing you can do for them is to pray, with love, (you do love them.) that God will work with them and they’ll be open to it. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. God’s time isn’t our time. Be determined, be faithful with your prayer, and be encouraged by it. A strong prayer life is a great solace when things are rotten; God has His ways of consoling us if we’ll let Him. You’ll be in my prayers tonight, for sure.
 
depressed_kid,

I think you have an opportunity here that you may not realize.

First off, there comes a time in a child’s life when they need to stop internalizing their parent’s actions. Your fathers condoms are an issue between him, God and hopefully a confessional. That is his issue to deal with.

Your opportunity here is to realize that you are your own person with limited capabilities to change other peoples choices or actions. All you can do is focus on yourself and pray for others.

You have a choice here, either let this all get you down. Let all the instability and bad choices of your parents depress you and break you down.

OR

Choose to live your life to the absolute fullest, with no regrets for trying to live your life the way God wants you to.
Find a counselor to help you work through your depression.
Focus on your grades to get into a really good college.
Focus on becoming a person that you want to end up being.
Focus on understanding how God is working in your life

You can choose this path and you will find out that you have an inner happiness that no one outside of yourself can touch.
 
Please reach out to your fellow Christians. Get involved with the youth group at the Parish, find a good Catholic mentor and some Catholic friends.
 
I have a very dear friend who is in a situation that is almost identical to yours…I almost thought you might be her, until I got farther into the post.

God loves you dearly…more than you can ever know. He only lets things happen to you like this because He knows you are strong enough to come through, and end up tougher. In a few years, just three, you’ll be 18, and you can live on your own and choose your friends, and who you associate with. Perhaps God has a lovely man out there waiting for you, who will be there for you, love you, and comfort you. Regardless, God has a plan. Trust Him, pray, tell Him all of these things that bother you, that get at you, that make you want to cry, and you’ll get through.

I hope you have some people you can talk to in person. If you don’t, try talking to your priest. If you’re not Catholic…try talking to a priest anyway. Most of them are wonderful people, real men, and I’m sure they would be a great help to you. Recieve the sacraments often! Know that in the Eucharist, Christ is in you, and you in Him, and you are never alone.
 
Everybody has given you great advice.

I think your best bet would be to contact your school counselor.
Thery are trained to help you with your depression.

Also, join extracurricuolar activities that can keep you busy and give some fun at the same time. Join something like a piano class. There are some available at your city’s recreation centers or community colleges for a fraction of the cost of private piano lessons and they are good to socialize with other kids your age.

You can also join a church group. They are great.

I’m the mother of four. My kids ages go from 23 the oldest to 3 the youngest. The first two were from a broken relationship. I remember the suffering of my own kids because to that. The second two are from a stable one. According to my own kids, I understand teens very well.

You’ll be in my prayers
 
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=261976

Even if the situation is not similar , it would be good to take Fr.Serpa’s excellent advice .

Time for warfare of the spiritual type and while I can’t think of any appropriate German saints , there is St.Joan of Arc …you might be being called to help to save persons who are still preciuos to God … and unlike a passing earhly kingdom , to be able to spend eternity , in love and gratitude !

Bringing your parents and many like them , many orphaned and abused children all over …in your heart …in our bl.Mother’s Heart , since she is Mother of all , asking our Lord for Mercy …for The Spirit to enter in and sanctify …thanking Him for what He suffered for them , to release them from the grip of evil …and in that process of offering our wills to be one with The Father’s , having expectant faith , of all the possibilities . …enough to repeat often "Lord Jesus, I trust in Thee ".

Hope that God would use you well among the many hurting young people !

Blessings !
 
My prayers are with you, my friend. I’ll leave you this passage from St. Josemaria Escrivá’s “The Way of the Cross”:

V. Jesus is exhausted. His footsteps become more and more unsteady, and the soldiers are in a hurry to be finished. So, when they are going out of the city through the Judgement Gate, they take hold of a man who was coming in from a farm, a man called Simon of Cyrene, the father of Alexander and Rufus, and they force him to carry the Cross of Jesus (cf. Mark 15:21).

In the whole context of the Passion, this help does not add up to very much. But for Jesus, a smile, a word, a gesture, a little bit of love is enough for him to pour out his grace bountifully on the soul of his friend. Years later, Simon 's sons, Christians by then, will be known and held in high esteem among their brothers in the faith. And it all started with this unexpected meeting with the Cross.

I went to those who were not looking for me; I was found by those that sought me not (Isai 65:1).

At times the Cross appears without our looking for it: it is Christ who is seeking us out. And if by chance, before this unexpected Cross which, perhaps, is therefore more difficult to understand, your heart were to show repugnance… don 't give it consolations. And, filled with a noble compassion, when it asks for them, say to it slowly, as one speaking in confidence: 'Heart: heart on the Cross! Heart on the Cross! ’
 
Thank you everyone for all the advice & prayers, it has helped-A LOT. (I can’t actually say how much it has helped.) I have decided I really don’t care anymore. It is nothing but another stupid problem with the world, which is beyond my control. People are like that, & will be like that, & he is no exception, & I don’t care about him anymore (not except for the minimal requirement of agape anyway…yeah right…:rolleyes: ) I still think it’s terrible, of course, & if he ever does have sex with anyone, I hope she becomes pregnant, & then there would be a wonderful baby sibling. (This will most likely never happen, but obviously I can’t bear the injustice, & I have to mention this as a protest in their honour, just in case.)Now I am happy, but the problem is that I still have to live with him, and sadly,that is not going to change anytime soon. While I live with him, I must be peaceable, and show no sign of anger. (Which is hard because I am inevitabely angry,& being with him is a reminder. Also b/c I must pretend to conform to his ideas of good, which obviously makes me angry…) Another problem is I used to think I could automatically trust him (as an ‘angel’ and moral compass?) & now I know I cannot trust him at all, so I have to decide everything for myself. This is like a…psycological shock, because I need a friend (on earth) who is an angel with infinite sagacity, to tell me what to do, & I do not have one…Although this also causes difficulty, I know it will be very good in the long run, because it is probably pathetic, & also because, again, the world is not like that…

Anyway, the problem is basically sorted.All I want now is to go back to Germany, stay there, start a new life, and forget him.I will probably do this in a few years.(If I ever find enough money.)Until then, your advice may stop me from being so depressed.(I have memorized all of it.)Sorry for the late reply; I had to think for a while.Thank you again!

I could say much, much, much more, but it would probably be an inadvisable digression; I have said enough to analyse this particular situation.

I cannot thank you enough, and also thank you to the people who responded to my other threads (though I’m not going to dig them up.) I know to be very careful on forums such as this one, but I might come back if anything else comes up.

God bless!
 
I hope you do come back. I hope you know that you can do the right thing in your life even if you parents didn’t (don’t). You are 15 and have a lot going for you. If we can help, we are at your service.
 
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