Depression about the holidays

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nancymarie

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I need your prayers to help me get through the holidays.

My husband and I have been separated almost three years. He has multiple sclerosis that is progressing. I visit him every week to help him but he shows no signs of wanting me to come back. After 40 years of marriage he doesn’t seem to care much whether I take care of him or an aide does it.

I don’t want to divorce but really always wanted the great marriage I never had. My husband was abusive for years, verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically. He also never wanted children and never wanted to be sexual with me.

I finall had a nervous breakdown and left.

But the thing is, I haven’t been able to detach and feel so sad and guilty for leaving.

How do I get through another Christmas?
 
I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way. It sounds like both you and your husband may be depressed. You can’t force him to seek help, but you can get some yourself. If you haven’t already done so, start with Reconciliation. Then, get some counseling, it will help with your feelings. Even if just one spouse goes, good things can come from counseling. May God bless you and guide you.
 
My heart hurts for you and I will pray that God gives you a path the peace.
 
Yes, Christian counseling can help you through this. Maintain and strengthen your faith and be an example to others, including your husband.

I work serving meals to the poor on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It always cheers me up even though my parents have passed away recently. There are many volunteer opportunities around the holidays that you can busy yourself with when others are caught up in secular activities.
 
i am so sorry about a number of things in your life. I hope you can find some wise counsel to help you. The holidays are very hard on a lot of people and I though the advise of volunteering at a shelter of some kind will help you because you will take your mind off your own woes for the moment. Is your husband in a nursing home since you are separated?
may God help you this season.
 
Thanks everyone.

No he’s not in a nursing home – still lives in our house with help from me and an aide. He is no longer able to walk, but still retains full use of his upper body.

I miss my home. my garden and feel lost.

If I go back to him, I need to know how to accept everthing that’s happened in our marriage, including the poor choices I made, and to accept that I may not be able to be his caregiver forever as I age. I need to accept his illness and that God has a plan. I want to do thte right thing for this man who I hav known since I was 19.

The worst thing is that my therapist is convinced that my husband has same sex attraction (SSA) that he never acted on, but that has prevented him from being a true spouse all these years. I asked my husband about this and he has denied any such thing. But as I’ve explored this subject, I realize that many SSA men who are married never admit to having the SSA. (We have been celibate for decades – his choice --and no children as a result).

I am troubled knowing I may have spent all these years with a man who never loved me as my true spouse. And that this is how I will end my life if I return.

God must be speaking to me and telling me what to do, but I can’t hear him yet.
 
I am childless and 57, a widow for the past 25 years. To my utter shock no one has ever been the least bit interested in dating me let alone marrying me so I too face my older years alone.

What I will share with you is this: I have no idea why my life is not the way I wanted it to be, but I know that it is the way it is and that God works me to give me a life HE wants me to have - I must cooperate with Him and there have been times I have not done so.

Regular confession, looking outside myself for ways to be of service to others, and the occasional pity party with a good cry always seems to help.

Keep walking, Sister girl…you are NOT alone on this path.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
Yes, Christian counseling can help you through this. Maintain and strengthen your faith and be an example to others, including your husband.

I work serving meals to the poor on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It always cheers me up even though my parents have passed away recently. There are many volunteer opportunities around the holidays that you can busy yourself with when others are caught up in secular activities.
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I agree with this, try to do something for others. But I know it is tough, I had one Christmas where I was severely depressed and it was horrible, and I was surrounded by people. I will keep you in my prayers!
 
Thankk you everyone for your prayers.

I come here sometimes because I need to “talk” and need prayer for myself and husband.

I appreciate so much your kindness – it all helps me get through the days and nights until God shows me a path to peace. If He wants me to be with my husband, then I will submit to Hiis Will.
 
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