Depression sucks and my situation is so bad

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ineedofmercy

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Hi everyone
You probably know me by now
That porn addicted depressed 15 year old kid who’s afraid of embarrassment and rants alot

Well I got another one
I don’t expect anyone to read this but I love those who do

So I relapsed again today and Mother Theresa is canonized today so I feel like a sack of ****
As usual sin makes me very sad and I feel how it ruins my life

Recently I thought my depression was actually going away I didn’t even know how to react
That heavy feeling you knew was your depression

Wasn’t really there and I was freaking out I actually felt lighter
There was just I tiny spot and I thought it just shrunk because of my joy with friends
Turns out it was just still there
Waiting to come back and make life a pointless as ever

I have to go back to school soon
It’s making me feeling uninterested and like why bother chasing my dreams
I’m only gonna be a kid for like 2 more years and life only gets worse for me then
That along with my porn addiction just makes me very sad and just wanna be away from it

I feel like more religious the harder it’s gonna be
Which I know sounds obvious but it’s really sad to someone like me who really started this at 12
I just want a break

Sometimes the only words that give me any soecknof a reason not to just find a way to give up is “all your tears will be wiped away”
All im saying is by the time I’m old
He’s probably going need on big towel

Idk what to say
I’m just really sad right now
Don’t even know why I made this its pretty pointless and just me rambling
If you read the whole thing thanks
I’m going to pray to Mary and the new St.Theresa more
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon ineedofmercy in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

†

Prayer Against Depression
………….By St Ignatius of Loyola

O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.

Amen.

†

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)
 
hey yeah, depressions sucks but it’s not who you are; just like you are not fingernails, you have fingernails — such is that you have depression.

for me when it comes to sin; i like to think of it like the great wall of china (bear with me, i’m paraphrasing a lot; i read this somewhere once and i’ll probs get busted for plagiarizing but here goes)… the great wall of china wasn’t built in a day. it took years and years of building. there were times where i’m sure the wall went off course and it had to be torn down and rebuilt. there are some parts of it that were just made with stuff laying around, like eggshells and coffee grounds and the mud on the street. other parts of it are pristine and majestic. it took a lot of blood sweat and tears but the biggest thing that build the great wall of china was perseverance. a knowledge of what was to come, the many hands that built it together and the humble knowledge of knowing when the wall went off course that the only thing to do was to destroy that and build again. and that’s kind of like sin. there are times when we’re going to do the same sin over and over; and literally go to confession 100 times in a row for the same thing… but it’s worse to let one be defeated and say that’s it; i can’t overcome this, i keep on doing the same thing. that one sin is what keeps on bringing us back to God. and humbling ourselves before Him and saying, hey it’s me, I screwed up, I made a mistake, I can’t do this alone… I’m sorry… I need your help, let’s try this again. Keep praying, keep your eye on God and your focus will come. God bless.
 
You should tell your parents that you feel depressed and go to the doctor.
You should also live 1 day at a time, and not focus on the past actions that have been confessed. God knows you are trying and Ioves you for that and many other reasons too.
 
Just remember that while your situation may be bad, it’s not unique. “15 year old, porn addicted, depressed” is a triple redundancy. But the fact that your awareness of your need of mercy is such that you name yourself after it is evidence that you are way ahead of the game. Always keep in mind that you can’t apply your own changing moods to your image of God. He is not displeased or disgusted by you when you are in sin, and then accepting of you when you are not. His love for you is immutable.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can just give up the struggle against sin. But make sure that you are motivated by the awareness of God’s infinite love for you and His raging and delightful desire for you to be the holy man who He created you to be. This makes all the difference in the world. If you are motivated by fear and disgust, you’re fighting a losing battle. Either way, you’re going to be in this battle your entire life. Victory is guaranteed if you rely on God’s strength to overcome your sin. Defeat is guaranteed if you rely on your own strength.

A very long time ago, someone was praying with me and asked me what I most desired from God. I responded, “purity.” After a few moments, the person said he felt like God was asking me if I was willing to let Him do whatever was necessary to grant me this desire. I answered with a quiet “yes,” but I was still terrified of what I might be agreeing to. Now a couple of decades later, I can see how God has been working ever since in the most surprising and unlikely ways to keep me on the road to purity, most especially when I was completely unaware of it. The lesson that I continue to take away from this is that we don’t achieve holiness all at once in one glorious moment of ecstasy. God takes a long, long time to grant it, probably because what He wants most from us is trust.

I recently had a pretty amazing discussion with a seminarian about the idea of his call to the priesthood being God’s desire for him to surrender his entire self. That is really what God wants of us all, no matter what our vocation may be. At this moment, He wants all of you. All of your depression, doubts, fears, addictions to sin, all of it. Only He can transform it to make you into who you were created to be. Do not wait until you’ve overcome your tendency to fall, because if you rely on your own strength, that day will never come.

I’m praying for you. You are loved more than you can possibly imagine.
 
Try eating fruits. I feel in a better mood when I go on a vegan riff. A papaya in the morning and then apples throughout the day. Fuji apples are the juiciest.

Try it. Just do it for a couple days then come back and tell us how you’re doing. Your parents will also be grateful because fruits are cheaper than meat.
 
PazzoGrande said:
Try eating fruits. I feel in a better mood when I go on a vegan riff. A papaya in the morning and then apples throughout the day. Fuji apples are the juiciest.

Try it. Just do it for a couple days then come back and tell us how you’re doing. Your parents will also be grateful because fruits are cheaper than meat.
Click to expand...
Also pomegranate juice, even though it’s not exactly cheap. 😃
 
1neophyte said:
Ugh! What?!? No! Worst advice ever. :mad:
Click to expand...
Yeah lol
They would overreact like bad
They’re also the reason I don’t ask to go to confession because if in one way or another they find out I want to go without a responsible excuse
I’m gonna be questioned and possibly teased about why i want to go

It’s not their fault but its still there
 
1neophyte said:
Just remember that while your situation may be bad, it’s not unique. “15 year old, porn addicted, depressed” is a triple redundancy. But the fact that your awareness of your need of mercy is such that you name yourself after it is evidence that you are way ahead of the game. Always keep in mind that you can’t apply your own changing moods to your image of God. He is not displeased or disgusted by you when you are in sin, and then accepting of you when you are not. His love for you is immutable.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can just give up the struggle against sin. But make sure that you are motivated by the awareness of God’s infinite love for you and His raging and delightful desire for you to be the holy man who He created you to be. This makes all the difference in the world. If you are motivated by fear and disgust, you’re fighting a losing battle. Either way, you’re going to be in this battle your entire life. Victory is guaranteed if you rely on God’s strength to overcome your sin. Defeat is guaranteed if you rely on your own strength.

A very long time ago, someone was praying with me and asked me what I most desired from God. I responded, “purity.” After a few moments, the person said he felt like God was asking me if I was willing to let Him do whatever was necessary to grant me this desire. I answered with a quiet “yes,” but I was still terrified of what I might be agreeing to. Now a couple of decades later, I can see how God has been working ever since in the most surprising and unlikely ways to keep me on the road to purity, most especially when I was completely unaware of it. The lesson that I continue to take away from this is that we don’t achieve holiness all at once in one glorious moment of ecstasy. God takes a long, long time to grant it, probably because what He wants most from us is trust.

I recently had a pretty amazing discussion with a seminarian about the idea of his call to the priesthood being God’s desire for him to surrender his entire self. That is really what God wants of us all, no matter what our vocation may be. At this moment, He wants all of you. All of your depression, doubts, fears, addictions to sin, all of it. Only He can transform it to make you into who you were created to be. Do not wait until you’ve overcome your tendency to fall, because if you rely on your own strength, that day will never come.

I’m praying for you. You are loved more than you can possibly imagine.
Click to expand...
+1
 
1neophyte said:
Just remember that while your situation may be bad, it’s not unique. “15 year old, porn addicted, depressed” is a triple redundancy. But the fact that your awareness of your need of mercy is such that you name yourself after it is evidence that you are way ahead of the game. Always keep in mind that you can’t apply your own changing moods to your image of God. He is not displeased or disgusted by you when you are in sin, and then accepting of you when you are not. His love for you is immutable.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you can just give up the struggle against sin. But make sure that you are motivated by the awareness of God’s infinite love for you and His raging and delightful desire for you to be the holy man who He created you to be. This makes all the difference in the world. If you are motivated by fear and disgust, you’re fighting a losing battle. Either way, you’re going to be in this battle your entire life. Victory is guaranteed if you rely on God’s strength to overcome your sin. Defeat is guaranteed if you rely on your own strength.

A very long time ago, someone was praying with me and asked me what I most desired from God. I responded, “purity.” After a few moments, the person said he felt like God was asking me if I was willing to let Him do whatever was necessary to grant me this desire. I answered with a quiet “yes,” but I was still terrified of what I might be agreeing to. Now a couple of decades later, I can see how God has been working ever since in the most surprising and unlikely ways to keep me on the road to purity, most especially when I was completely unaware of it. The lesson that I continue to take away from this is that we don’t achieve holiness all at once in one glorious moment of ecstasy. God takes a long, long time to grant it, probably because what He wants most from us is trust.

I recently had a pretty amazing discussion with a seminarian about the idea of his call to the priesthood being God’s desire for him to surrender his entire self. That is really what God wants of us all, no matter what our vocation may be. At this moment, He wants all of you. All of your depression, doubts, fears, addictions to sin, all of it. Only He can transform it to make you into who you were created to be. Do not wait until you’ve overcome your tendency to fall, because if you rely on your own strength, that day will never come.

I’m praying for you. You are loved more than you can possibly imagine.
Click to expand...
Thanks this is really helpful

On that little happiness streak I realized something
I could see my prayers being answered
I usually pray for a fun day whenever I’m going to my friends
Then out of nowhere special things just happen out of nowhere
I know they’re from Him

It’s hard to pray/see your prayers at work when you so sad you can’t even cry/find a place to hide so you can cry quitely and alone that’s how I was yesterday

I should be better today I’m normal usually something has to turn it on

I usually do rely on God but sometimes feel like my effort is just pathetic but maybe I don’t trust enough

I should pray to Mary she is the Queen of purity

Thanks so much for you prayers and response
 
mommy_k said:
You should tell your parents that you feel depressed and go to the doctor.
Click to expand...
I don’t agree with this either, mainly because, depending on what Doctor they go to, they could receive all sorts of advice, not to mention, sometimes depression is a natural feeling due to how one is perceiving something, and instead of pills, they would benefit more with a change in perception (turning to the love and mercy of Christ and trusting in Him), sometimes pills only mask the problem.

Is it a physical imbalance in the brain that results in the mental state of mind (depression)? or is it the mental state of mind (depression) that results in the physical imbalances in the brain?

Anyway, just some of my thoughts.
mommy_k said:
You should also live 1 day at a time, and not focus on the past actions that have been confessed. God knows you are trying and Ioves you for that and many other reasons too.
Click to expand...
+1 🙂

God Bless You Mommy K
 
ineedofmercy said:
.
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When you feel depressed or upset, I would recommend simply picking up a Rosary, and praying just a short decade (Just one row of 10 beads) of the Rosary or Chaplet of Divine Mercy and I believe it will make a large difference for you.

Chaplet of Divine Mercy

And the closing prayer to the Chaplet of Divine Mercy -
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

Rosary

Hail Holy Queen, mother of mercy; our life, our sweetness, and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us. And after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.

Say them slowly, let them sink in.

I hope this has helped

May God Bless You ineedofmercy.
 
ineedofmercy said:
Thanks this is really helpful

On that little happiness streak I realized something
I could see my prayers being answered
I usually pray for a fun day whenever I’m going to my friends
Then out of nowhere special things just happen out of nowhere
I know they’re from Him

It’s hard to pray/see your prayers at work when you so sad you can’t even cry/find a place to hide so you can cry quitely and alone that’s how I was yesterday

I should be better today I’m normal usually something has to turn it on

I usually do rely on God but sometimes feel like my effort is just pathetic but maybe I don’t trust enough

I should pray to Mary she is the Queen of purity

Thanks so much for you prayers and response
Click to expand...
Also just be careful that you stay honest with yourself. You say you can’t find a place to be alone to cry when you need to, or you can’t get to confession because of your parents. But if you are indulging an addiction to porn, you are finding a way to make it happen. You can use that same ingenuity to find a way to get to confession. I know you’re not asking your parents for permission to look at porn. I’m not suggesting that you be dishonest with them, but if you are sincere about it, and ask God for help, you will be able to find a way to make it to confession without having to tell your parents why you need to go.
 
ineedofmercy said:
Yeah lol
They would overreact like bad
They’re also the reason I don’t ask to go to confession because if in one way or another they find out I want to go without a responsible excuse
I’m gonna be questioned and possibly teased about why i want to go

It’s not their fault but its still there
Click to expand...
That’s alright, be open to it, pray, trust, strive for virtue and you will get there.

God Bless You.
 
ineedofmercy said:
Hi everyone
You probably know me by now
That porn addicted depressed 15 year old kid who’s afraid of embarrassment and rants alot

Well I got another one
I don’t expect anyone to read this but I love those who do

So I relapsed again today and Mother Theresa is canonized today so I feel like a sack of ****
As usual sin makes me very sad and I feel how it ruins my life

Recently I thought my depression was actually going away I didn’t even know how to react
That heavy feeling you knew was your depression

Wasn’t really there and I was freaking out I actually felt lighter
There was just I tiny spot and I thought it just shrunk because of my joy with friends
Turns out it was just still there
Waiting to come back and make life a pointless as ever

I have to go back to school soon
It’s making me feeling uninterested and like why bother chasing my dreams
I’m only gonna be a kid for like 2 more years and life only gets worse for me then
That along with my porn addiction just makes me very sad and just wanna be away from it

I feel like more religious the harder it’s gonna be
Which I know sounds obvious but it’s really sad to someone like me who really started this at 12
I just want a break

Sometimes the only words that give me any soecknof a reason not to just find a way to give up is “all your tears will be wiped away”
All im saying is by the time I’m old
He’s probably going need on big towel

Idk what to say
I’m just really sad right now
Don’t even know why I made this its pretty pointless and just me rambling
If you read the whole thing thanks
I’m going to pray to Mary and the new St.Theresa more
Click to expand...
Little brother, I am sorry to see so much sadness in you. I do not think your post is pointless or rambling. It is the outpouring of your heart.Your first sentence may be a clue to your depression. Porn and associated behaviors cause change in brain chemicals. In a way it is like taking a drug, but as you have seen it is temporary, and you crash afterward. It is important to stop the porn and associated behavior in order for you to heal. However, do not beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Just resolve to start over. They say it takes 21 days to develop new habits. You can take a calendar and mark off your days of successful abstinence. Do you think you can manage that?
 
Hi! I know I’m a complete stranger, but I read your post and wanted to offer some comfort if I can. I’m not a Catholic, but am a sister in Christ that cares. I also do Christian counseling and am married to a Clinical Psychologist… that to say that I know it is rough, it’s real, and I also know you aren’t alone even if you feel like it.

Everyone is so different that the individual has to be respected as an individual, but there are some things that can help most people who try, and this is backed up by research; As someone said, make sure you are eating nutritious food, and drinking plenty of water. Some try to live on processed food and soda and it doesn’t work out so well. We are physical, mental, and spiritual beings and each is connected to the other. So, along with eating well, try to get exercise every single day, even just 10 min, and make sure you get outside, sit outside, or even by an open window when you can. Sunlight helps, being in nature whenever you can helps.

Meditation, either secular mindfulness, or contemplative prayer, anything that quiets the mind is effective as well. Sleep is really important and there are things to help if you aren’t getting enough Zzzzz’s. Helping others and showing gratitude boost mood as well… one really strange one is to practice smiling (St. M. Teresa was even on to something there too lol) in front of a mirror or wherever you are; simply making the physical gesture changes the brain and sets up up to feel happier. And I do have to add, if you ever feel suicidal make sure to tell someone, call a hotline, go to the ER.

I’m sorry you are struggling with sin, but it shows your good heart that you are struggling with it and not accepting it. We all fail, we are to get up with God’s help and try again, utilizing everything your faith offers when you can. Praying for you! Hang in there, God works on us in our lives wherever we are and grows us and prunes us in His time.

Grace and peace to you,
K
 
josh987654321 said:
I don’t agree with this either, mainly because, depending on what Doctor they go to, they could receive all sorts of advice, not to mention, sometimes depression is a natural feeling due to how one is perceiving something, and instead of pills, they would benefit more with a change in perception (turning to the love and mercy of Christ and trusting in Him), sometimes pills only mask the problem.

Is it a physical imbalance in the brain that results in the mental state of mind (depression)? or is it the mental state of mind (depression) that results in the physical imbalances in the brain?

Anyway, just some of my thoughts.

+1 🙂

God Bless You Mommy K
Click to expand...
A good psychiatrist will prescribe pills only if it’s a severe case of depression and will usually urge for therapy actually. So it doesn’t hurt to try. Some people also think it’s just their perception when actually, it’s an actual illness that should be treated, so I feel like if OP is thinking about getting professional help, he could try. Or at least visit a counsellor (and if the counsellor thinks more help is needed besides the sessions, a referral could be made).

If OP is uncomfortable about it, he could try ‘natural’ solutions. I do remember feeling really, really depressed and suicidal and IMO it faded after I started to eat more (i was starving myself) so OP, don’t lose hope. Of course this is not the case for everyone and I wouldn’t recommend ignoring it. Perhaps talking to a trusted adult would be nice 🙂 There is websites too that have trained people offering support (safe chatrooms) although they are secular + might not be so understanding about your struggles. But basically, talk to someone, or journal your feelings (if you are afraid that someone will read it, throw it away right after you are done, or you can type and then delete the document)
 
I don’t know why asking for mental help is a bad idea. If you feel depressed it can lead to despair. You don’t have to go to a secular (worldly therapist) therapist. There are therapists in line with the Church completely. Google saint michaels institute if you want they’re based in NYC but also offer Skype calls. There is a mental aspect, and a spiritual aspect to this as well. I think Dr Mango, the main therapist for st michaels, met St Teresa of Calcutta. Going to a secular therapist will make your problem worse though.

Without doubt, praying will help infinitely but if you need catholic therapy, by all means get it.
You may be completely mentally fine now, but it can’t get worse. I know you’re scared of telling your parents about your problems, and you may be right, but telling us may make it worse.

Perhaps making an appointment with a priest outside of confession, for some spiritual help and counseling can do you great. I go to public high school and I’m also dreading going back

PS try to have your parents buy a good filter for your CPU and phone. Praying the daily rosary will definitely make you pure in heart. Also be devoted to St thomas aquinas, st Agnes, st maria gorretti, st alphonsus liguori, and st aloysius, [litany continues] as they were very pure in heart.

Do you go to public school?

All the best good friend
 
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