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NFPgirl
Guest
Really the title of this thread says it all. I am struggling with all of the above very much lately. I have struggled with depression on and off since I was about 14 (I am 32 now), have cut myself in the past, and have attempted suicide twice. I am on medication and currently in counselling but have had to miss my last two counselling appointments due to unforseen issues (childcare bailing on me at the last minute and my therapist was sick and cancelled the last one), so it’s been about three or four weeks since my last session.
My days are usually spent lately in a fog, totally unmotivated to do anything except the bare minimum to stay alive myself and care for my 2 children. I feel like the world’s worst mother and wife. This feeling makes me want to cut myself until my skin is shredded to ribbons and the internal pain I feel is physical. There are moments too where I just want to die. I find myself wondering what the easiest way to kill myself would be and then I look at my children playing and I know I can’t do it, no matter how much I ache. I simply could not do that to them or my husband. I love them all too much to hurt them like that. I worry though that that thread of love that suspends me between life and death or horrible self-mutilation is not strong enough by itself.
Part of what has precipitated this struggle lately is that I have been suffering with postpartum depression since my second child was born almost a year ago. It has in the last few months gotten worse and about four weeks ago, I cut myself for the first time in several years. I immediately felt ashamed at my lack of control over myself. I had been contemplating cutting myself many times but had always been able to stop myself. The night this happened, I finally gave into the tempation and made about dozen tiny cuts that I could easily conceal with a band-aid. Now the temptation to cut myself is that much stronger and with it, comes the temptation to just finally end it all and be done with it.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed to God, to Mary, to St.Dymphna, and for St. Michael’s protection, but all my prayers seem for naught. Perhaps if you pray for me it will do something my own prayers cannot. I am weak and weary of fighting this struggle and just want it to be over. Please pray for me. Thank you.
My days are usually spent lately in a fog, totally unmotivated to do anything except the bare minimum to stay alive myself and care for my 2 children. I feel like the world’s worst mother and wife. This feeling makes me want to cut myself until my skin is shredded to ribbons and the internal pain I feel is physical. There are moments too where I just want to die. I find myself wondering what the easiest way to kill myself would be and then I look at my children playing and I know I can’t do it, no matter how much I ache. I simply could not do that to them or my husband. I love them all too much to hurt them like that. I worry though that that thread of love that suspends me between life and death or horrible self-mutilation is not strong enough by itself.
Part of what has precipitated this struggle lately is that I have been suffering with postpartum depression since my second child was born almost a year ago. It has in the last few months gotten worse and about four weeks ago, I cut myself for the first time in several years. I immediately felt ashamed at my lack of control over myself. I had been contemplating cutting myself many times but had always been able to stop myself. The night this happened, I finally gave into the tempation and made about dozen tiny cuts that I could easily conceal with a band-aid. Now the temptation to cut myself is that much stronger and with it, comes the temptation to just finally end it all and be done with it.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed to God, to Mary, to St.Dymphna, and for St. Michael’s protection, but all my prayers seem for naught. Perhaps if you pray for me it will do something my own prayers cannot. I am weak and weary of fighting this struggle and just want it to be over. Please pray for me. Thank you.