Depression

[zarek]

I am pretty new to forums. (It took me forever to figure out how to make a new post), But I want to share something and just see what people have to say about it.

Firstly, I grew up catholic more or less. Church going and traditions were never too big in my life . I got more invovled in my faith when I went to college (Im 23 now). I would say I lived a pretty catholic life. I never went to crazy college parties, never did drugs, never had sex, never did anything bad like that. I was diagnozised with depression about a year before I started college.

My first two semesters were alright. No big issues. I volunteered at my campus church (there was a large student catholic campus ministry). In fact, my junior year, I even had the keys to the chapel to open and close.

However, I always had difficulty making friends. It was never an extreme issue. I mean, once I got to know someone, I was talkative. But it was always a challenge. I made a few friends in college, but nothing that I was really happy with.

Anyways, to my main point, there was this one primary incident that happened that made me stop being catholic. in fact, it was so bad, I am filled with anger everytime I ever enter a church. I cant even bring myself to go to mass.

One day during my junior year, I was feeling pretty depressed. I had gone to the hcurch that night to lock up. But people were still downstairs haveing fun and laughing. I couldnt join them because of how miserable I was feeling. I had these feeling a lot. I was able to spend time with people and have fun because of how bad i always felt. It was to difficult to meet with people. I felt like I would pass out just htinking about it. So anyways, I was sitting in the pews, sad as ever, while i was hearing everyone having a blast downstairs. And that was the first time i cut myself. (Not with a knife, but my keys). Nonetheless, there i was, sitting in a chapel, a few rows in front of the tabernacle, cutting myself, while everyone downstairs was having fun and laughing. And cutting myself helped make me feel better. It helped more than my friends. more than my family. more than doctors, medicine, therapy. It helped much more than god ever did. So thats when I stopped being catholic. The church is supposed to be the safest palce for a person. but there i was, cutting myself. I dont feel like I am doing this story justice in explaining the emotional strain i was in, but i think its becuase ive blocked out the event in my mind.

anyways, this is on my mind again because i have moved to a new locaiton. not many friends. and hoenstly, i do not beelvie i am going to live a happy life. the only way i think i can be happy is if i make friends/build relationships. and i feel that the only place i can do that is with a cuhrch. however, going to church is not easy for the aforementioned thoughs above.

any comments would be appreciated.

thanks

 

[JohnGerard]

Hey Zarek,

I will pray for you. I wish I had more to say but I really think you need to seek a professional counselor to get the help that you need. I think that would be your best course of action.

God bless you.

John

 

[Benedict_Option]

Hi Zarek,
So, I have a friend who has cut herself in the past. And its a very serious problem. I myself have suffered through depression, but never had a problem with self harm.

Anyways, firstly, I would highly recommend talking to a priest about this, if you feel like you can. Hopefully you know of a priest you can go to. You should also seek out a medical professional, bc priests are very helpful but they’re not trained to deal with serious health issues like this. This is a health and safety issue as well as a spiritual one.

I think the 2 other things I would say, is that having been depressed, I can be very wrong about certain situations. I’m sure that those people who were laughing and having a good time would’ve helped you if they had known you were struggling. You chose not to go and talk to them, maybe it would’ve been very difficult. I do that too sometimes. There are people, and I’m crying and am very depressed, and I feel like, “oh, I’ll just ruin their day”, No one cares about me. But, ultimately, I’m wrong about that.

Its all about perception. And when we’re depressed we have a pretty negative and skewed perception about things like that. So, I hope you’re able to realize that about that particular situation.

Secondly, Churches are holy places, but they aren’t magical places. Bad things can happen in Churches too. Throughout history, people have been murdered in Churches, Churches have obviously been looted, and the people in them treated in terrible ways. In a much more ordinary way… people can have lustful thoughts in Churches, they can certainly judge people or gossip about people in Church. So… we would hope that being in Church would elevate us and cause us to sin less (they definitely do), but that doesn’t mean we can still fall into the same sins in Church.

I’ll pray be praying for you. I wish the Church did a better job at helping people who are depressed, and in need of a community.

 

[Ingeniero]

Perhaps this link of Catholic therapists could help the OP

catholictherapists.com/

 

[Trident_H]

Hey Zarek. Hey buddy. Listen. You’re among friends now, k? So don’t get too far down. Let us lighten your load a bit. Let us get you your emo fix if that’s what you need. Just let us do some of that work for you. I mean being alone takes a lot of effort. It takes you avoiding every opportunity to be friendly. Or open. Or vulnerable. It takes you making sure that you steer clear of laughter and good times because sitting alone cutting yourself is more fun. It takes convincing yourself that no one cares. Even if they do. But you won’t let them. I mean I get it. I really do.

In a real sense I did the same thing. Except my blade was alcohol. And E. My blood was my tears as I cried about all the things that had happened in my life that weren’t my fault. And maybe at first they weren’t. But by the time I was done I’d sure made them that way. I’d sure made them my fault.

Because when you give up and decide you’d rather destroy yourself instead you know what you’re doing. Even if you won’t admit it. You’re trying to punish yourself. You’re screaming for attention. But you’re doing it in the laziest way possible. You’re doing it so that all the work’s on someone else’s shoulders. So that all the blame stays that way too. That way you get off free. Free of blame. Free of responsibility. You can drink in that self-pity in style. Without having the trouble of your conscience telling you to get up and do what you should. Because you’ve blocked it up. This way you can hate yourself with good impact. And blame it on the world.

But buddy. It’s no one’s fault but your own. And I mean you know that down deep. You know that already. But it’s no fun to take responsibility. It’s easier to just opt out. To paint it all black and give up.

So what I want to do for you is to give you this gift. It’s not much. But I mean it’s what I’ve got. It’s the only thing I have really. I’ll give you the gift of my full attention. You need me, you’ve got it. You want to vent, you send me a message all about it. You feel bad or angry or sad I want to hear about it.

And I mean I’m not going to tell you what to do about it unless you ask a question. But man I’ll commiserate with you. I’ll agree with you. I’ll give you the full treatment. Because I care. Because I know what it’s like. And because if no one had ever done that for me I’d never have gotten back on my own feet.

So man lean on me. I’m here for you man. You’re not alone. You’ve got your buddy Trident who is waiting for you each day. I’ve been there and back twice. I know your state. Come home and let me know what’s up.

And I mean I’m not fooling around. I’ve got nothing else to do. I have no real world friends. I have no family. I have no distractions. I have no choices left. Each day I sit alone in this small room of mine and wait. For anything to happen. Anything at all. I mean I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m pretty much you in ten years if you don’t decide to do anything about it. Like I didn’t. And now it’s too late for me. But not for you. Not yet.

Peace buddy.

-Trident

 

[jaimeleglise]

I am praying for all of you. Never give up, it’s never too late. God loves you so much.

 

[GEddie]

ICXC NiKA

 

[Robert_Sock]

I once thought I heard God command me to kill myself. With tears in my eyes and feeling miserable as ever, I began to dwell on how to carry out the task. Suddenly, a vivid image came to mind where I imagined that God was tearing His hair out over my ridiculous behavior. I immediately realized that God had never intended that I kill myself, but that God was merely insisting that I kill my “self.” I felt so humiliated that I lost all my pride, and much of my false sense of self soon died!

 

[fred_conty]

We are the victims of ourselves. If you feel sorry for other victims, then don’t make yourself your own victim.

We are a victim of our own thoughts. I think I’m a pretty normal sort of guy tho my wife may have other thoughts on this. And here is what I found out about myself…I feel like I think. If I say “its a wonderful day” and think about that, it does have an effect on me. If I say John is a lousy guy, then I feel sort of lousy.

Saying anything unhealthy, or downcast, has that effect. Yet it works the other way as well. So I try to see things in a light cast rather than a gloomy way. It works most of the time.

Now I know that in your case it may be something more than just an outlook, but even that can help you and it doesn’t require a lot of deep metaphysical thought…just a simple uplifting thought. It isn’t the “be end” of all, but it certaintly makes a nice start.

Ps. It wasn’t clear to me just exactly why you had a problem with the church. And if you don’t care to go into it … its ok.

 

[ladybug25]

Hey Zarek and Trident.
I just wanted to tell you guys Ive got very similiar experiences… cut myself in the past, anxiety, problems socialising, no direction in my life.
Now this is not self-pitty. Just letting you know you are not alone.There is more of us with similar problems. Maybe we can support each other.
Send me a message if you want to.

 

[Trident_H]

I am praying for all of you. Never give up, it’s never too late. God loves you so much.

Thanks for that. I think that’s great. I’m really glad for the support. It’s like you just came in and told me that you’re shoring up the foundation of my house. Because you care. That’s a lot of help. Thanks so much.

Peace J.

-Trident

 

[Trident_H]

Hey Zarek and Trident.
I just wanted to tell you guys Ive got very similiar experiences… cut myself in the past, anxiety, problems socialising, no direction in my life.
Now this is not self-pitty. Just letting you know you are not alone.There is more of us with similar problems. Maybe we can support each other.
Send me a message if you want to.

Let’s do that. A pyramid’s a strong thing. Let’s lean on each other and weather this stuff when it happens. You’ll get my message. Thanks ladybug. Thanks for sticking your neck out. That’s the first step in this. That’s the hard part.

Peace.

-Trident