Deserted by cheating husband

[cabolissa]

What are the options for a wife who’s left by a cheating husband who does not wish to remain in the marriage or go for counseling? When a divorce is inevitable and the victim of infidelity is left alone to raise the kids, what are her options?

Can she never remarry? Is the marriage annulment-worthy?

 

[iluvmybabies]

What are the options for a wife who’s left by a cheating husband who does not wish to remain in the marriage or go for counseling? When a divorce is inevitable and the victim of infidelity is left alone to raise the kids, what are her options?

Can she never remarry? Is the marriage annulment-worthy?

first of all Cabolissa, I am really sorry for what you are going through! May God help you through this difficult time, grant you strength and love and that you may move on with your life with your beautiful children! God bless…

Secondly: It depends…did he show you any signs of this kind of behaviour before you two were married? I had to get my marriage annuled through Difecto…??? Sorry I forgot the rest of the title, I had to do it, it was done last year…BUT I wasn’t married through the church…If I would have been then there would have been more explanations to give…But the priest and the tribunal’s assistance after learning about my relationship with my exhusband said they would still have advised me to go through with it even if I would have been married through the church…

The best thing I can say is to speak with your priest. He will be able to give you better advise…Or look for a tribunal in your diocese, or a tribunal assistance, they can help guide you as well…

Good luck!

 

[iluvmybabies]

What are the options for a wife who’s left by a cheating husband who does not wish to remain in the marriage or go for counseling? When a divorce is inevitable and the victim of infidelity is left alone to raise the kids, what are her options?

Can she never remarry? Is the marriage annulment-worthy?

Oh on another note, if they are able to help you and guide you based on the information you provide to them about your marriage, your situation, and if he did show this kind of behaviour before, they may allow you to proceed with an annulment, notice I said may? And if this is approved and allowed then you will be more than available to restart your life, start new relationship-remarry etc…BUT only if after they hear your situation and give you the advise needed…But I think that now it is a good time to you know spend more time with your children because they will help you get throug with this and move on…

Again, good luck!

 

[1ke]

It is truly sad when a husband abandons his family and forsakes his vows. I am very sorry this is happening to you.

Regarding divorce, the Church knows that there can be circumstances where an innocent party is abandoned and divorced against their will. They also recognize that sometimes it is necessary for an innocent party to divorce a spouse to protect themselves and/or children. So, physical separation of the spouses and/or civil divorce, while always tragic and against God’s plan for marriage, can be undertaken in these circumstances.

However, for two baptized Christians remarriage is not possible as long as the spouses are alive. A valid, sacramental marriage is for life. It cannot be dissolved by any power.

That said, what a Catholic tribunal can do is examine evidence to determine if a valid marriage took place at the time of the wedding. There are many reasons that a valid marriage may have appeared to take place but in fact did not.

Adultery is not “grounds” for a decree of nullity (a failure to live up to vows is does not make those vows invalid). But, adultery might be evidence that a person did not intend fidelity or permanence when they made their vows. In other words, it may indicate a defect in consent/intent. But, it may not.

These things are best discussed with a priest and taken one step at a time. You need to take care of you and your children first.

I highly recommend the book **Annulment: The Wedding That Was **by Michael Smith Foster. Read the book to get a good understanding of the Catholic teaching on marriage and nullity.

 

[1ke]

I had to get my marriage annuled through Difecto…??? Sorry I forgot the rest of the title, I had to do it, it was done last year…BUT I wasn’t married through the church…

This is called lack of form or defect of form. A Catholic who did not receive the proper dispensations and married outside the Church is in an invalid marriage and does not go through a full nullity process. They complete paperwork to demonstrate they were never married in the Church and are then declared free to marry.

 

[iluvmybabies]

It is truly sad when a husband abandons his family and forsakes his vows. I am very sorry this is happening to you.

Regarding divorce, the Church knows that there can be circumstances where an innocent party is abandoned and divorced against their will. They also recognize that sometimes it is necessary for an innocent party to divorce a spouse to protect themselves and/or children. So, physical separation of the spouses and/or civil divorce, while always tragic and against God’s plan for marriage, can be undertaken in these circumstances.

However, for two baptized Christians remarriage is not possible as long as the spouses are alive. A valid, sacramental marriage is for life. It cannot be dissolved by any power.

That said, what a Catholic tribunal can do is examine evidence to determine if a valid marriage took place at the time of the wedding. There are many reasons that a valid marriage may have appeared to take place but in fact did not.

Adultery is not “grounds” for a decree of nullity (a failure to live up to vows is does not make those vows invalid). But, adultery might be evidence that a person did not intend fidelity or permanence when they made their vows. In other words, it may indicate a defect in consent/intent. But, it may not.

These things are best discussed with a priest and taken one step at a time. You need to take care of you and your children first.

I highly recommend the book **Annulment: The Wedding That Was **by Michael Smith Foster. Read the book to get a good understanding of the Catholic teaching on marriage and nullity.

Thank you 1ke better explanation than mine! That’s what I was trying to say but I just couldn’t get it right…Thanks for the great explanation…I do hope this helps the OP…

 

[iluvmybabies]

This is called lack of form or defect of form. A Catholic who did not receive the proper dispensations and married outside the Church is in an invalid marriage and does not go through a full nullity process. They complete paperwork to demonstrate they were never married in the Church and are then declared free to marry.

Thanks for the explanation…I knew it it was somewhere in the back of my mind! Thanks for your help!

 

[Ailina]

What are the options for a wife who’s left by a cheating husband who does not wish to remain in the marriage or go for counseling? When a divorce is inevitable and the victim of infidelity is left alone to raise the kids, what are her options?

Can she never remarry? Is the marriage annulment-worthy?

It certainly might be worth looking into the annulment process. Otherwise, you might always wonder, as you are wondering now. It is not an easy process, as you are going through it, since the Tribunal will examine all the smallest details of your marriage together. You basically have to tell them EVERYTHING.

I am in your shoes, and am still waiting to hear from the Tribunal a whole year later after submitting info, etc. I will not lie and say the annulment process is painless. It’s not, it’s darn hard and adds humiliation to the humiliation already gone through by being deserted by a faithless spouse, as far as I’m concerned. So I’m just gritting my teeth and waiting to hear. An eventual answer is better than no answer at all.

Sorry you are going through all this. It can seem like a nightmare some days. Praying hard really helps, though. ((Hugs))

 

[JoeKR]

What are the options for a wife who’s left by a cheating husband who does not wish to remain in the marriage or go for counseling? When a divorce is inevitable and the victim of infidelity is left alone to raise the kids, what are her options?

Can she never remarry? Is the marriage annulment-worthy?

I’m in a similar situation, but without kids. My wife has asked for a separation and divorce, and had and continues to have an affair with another man. Obviously not what I wanted. We still get along as friends (weird) but she wants to be with the other man and has already started making plans to find a job near him and an apartment with him. I need to meet again with my pastor to find out what options I have regarding divorce and an annullment. I feel like I am in limbo right now with the whole process. I will post any progress or information I receive.

You are in my prayers.

 

[kage_ar]

I am in your shoes, and am still waiting to hear from the Tribunal a whole year later after submitting info, etc.

Contact the Tribunal directly, your advocate should be providing you updates.

 

[RACJ]

These situations are heartbreaking. There are way too many people today of low or nonexistent moral fiber. I would work on two tracks. One, to have the marriage annuled, and the second to try to meet someone great and obtain a civil certificate. I agree with WEG, that the adulterer should have no right to see the children in his or her abode. But adultery is an “old-fashioned” sin, and the state can’t be judgmental about creepy behavior, now can it? Rob

 

[Ailina]

Contact the Tribunal directly, your advocate should be providing you updates.

The message I got last spring was basically “don’t call us, we’ll call you”. There is a lot of bizarre stuff that went on at the end of my marriage and after, a lot of it over the top and pretty unbelievable (swinging, abductions, suicide). But the ex, who is very convincing and can be very charming and seems like a really nice guy, obviously put on a stellar performance when he went in to see the Tribunal. So they feel sorry for him, and think I’m a bag. Guess I was supposed to put on a water work extravaganza like he was. It makes me wonder what the whole point of this is, really. I have no intentions of ever dating or remarrying after this…who would want to run the risk of going through an annulment again? Not me!!!

Oops sorry, I guess I sound just a tad bitter