Scoob,
Naturally, men yearn to be their own man, to be able to provide for himself and for his family. This is quite natural and there’s nothing sinful about it.
However, I can certainly relate to what you’re going through. In my early 20’s I made more than my father in his peak wage years, but less than 5 years later he was feeding my family. I now make more than him in his retired years, so I feed him and my mother. I’m in my early 40’s now and I’ve seen my income bounce between minimum wage and 6-figures a couple of times in my professional life.
I made mistakes that brought on some consequences, but this was more the exception than the rule. More often than not, things just happened and I could do nothing about them, like a tidal wave that comes and takes everything with it, be it a company closing down, financial markets hiccuping or political unrest (I’m an immigrant).
These vicissitudes taught me the old adage that only death and taxes are certain in this life. At one moment you may live affluently and at the next, depending on the charity of others. At one moment you may be richer than many, but poorer than some in the other. But it’s easy to forget that you are always richer than some and poorer than others at any moment of your life. Yet, all along, only one thing hasn’t changed: you. You keep on bearing the same name, you still see yourself through those changes, your life-line connecting the stations of life in time.
By this I mean that it’s important to not let your possessions determine who you are, for there lies only deceit. You are not defined by your financial difficulties just like wealth wouldn’t define you. After all, comfort cannot change you, only you can.
Just hang in there. Things will change, be patient, humble and thankful. You still have a roof over your head, food in the fridge and transportation. I’ve seen worst in my life and I’ve seen better too. You will see better too.
