This is not just a sin, but a complex situation. Depression and anxiety are the vicious circle as they are both cause and consequence of sexual sin. The spirit against Christ (combined voice of the evil one, the flesh, the world) is quick to remind you of God’s mercy before you sin, and quick to remind you of God’s justice after your sin. He is quick to depict something base as something incredibly wonderful (“the pomp” to which we renounce in Baptism) and he is quick to move you to shame afterwards, and to make you feel like you betrayed Christ, like you are no longer worthy of being called God’s son.
This is a lie.
The Good Shepherd is out looking for the sheep gone astray, the Good Father runs towards the penitent son to clothe him in the brightest garment, and there is more rejoicing in heaven for one sinner who repents than for 99 righteous men.
Even further it is written: “
my grace suffices for you, for in weakness is my power made perfect”, and “
where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more”.
God is always at work, my brother, even amidst this time of trial. All was foreseen by His Omniscience, and what He does not will, He allows. Be open, be open to the Spirit and to God’s will, always being quick to confess and striving to receive the Holy Eucharist daily if possible, for it is right to “give thanks always for everything” and remembering how “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God”.
Sexual sin can have deep roots. It may be moved by things other than lust. It may have to do with a change in your personal relationships. It may be that you are suddenly exposed to temptation and are not putting enough of a fight to flee from near occasions of sin. Remember that it is written - and this applies to all of us - that “You have not yet resisted temptation to the point of shedding your blood.”
My personal advice includes the following:
- a stronger devotion to Our Lady, Mater Castissima, with prayer before an icon or statue daily, especially prayer of even one decade of the Rosary, even one Ave Maria, daily for the gifts of chastity and continence (for we can strive for self-mastery, but chastity and continence are gifts from above).
- frequent Confession without being disheartened when you fall, and if possible, daily Communion with the greatest possible reverence and humility, remembering that “you did not choose Him, He chose you”, and that “we love Him because He loved us first”.
- remember that you are a soldatus Christi, “fighting the good fight”. This is nothing short of spiritual warfare, a confrontation that is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities.
Flee from near occasion of sin as you would flee if, as a soldier, you climb a hill and find yourself before a mighty army running towards you…aware that nothing less than your life is about to be taken! Flee quick, call upon the name of the Head of the heavenly army, Jesus, a name before whom all principalities and powers bend the knee at once, whether they want it or not…flee to the banner of the Church Militant, the Cross…flee until you find yourself safe within the great cloud of witnesses, the Communion of Saints…flee until you find yourself under the mantle of Our Mother, the mantle that warmed the Lord when as a child they had to escape the pressing enemy unto a foreign land…flee under the patronage of the Most Chaste St. Joseph…ask your holy angel to take you swiftly, plead for the aid of St. Michael Archangel, prince of the heavenly hosts…
Do this, and no temptation will be able to overcome you, for the principalities and powers will not find themselves chasing one humble soldier, but as they climb the hill, like at Eliseus’ prayer, they shall see how “
the mountain was full of horses, and chariots of fire”, and they shall see that the Lord spoke truthfully when He said: “
Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and He shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?”
- talk to your confessor about the recurrence of this sin. Perhaps he may consider the Rite of Blessing of a Person Suffering from Addiction. Perhaps he may simply give you personal advice. Perhaps there are natural, psychological reasons and factors that need to be accounted for, acted upon, taken care of.
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