Despair vs. Real Humility

[CRATUS]

I have not felt truly happy with myself for a long time. I used to think the only real way to be happy was to perfect. As I have gotten older, I now realize I will never be perfect but I do not want to stop trying. Not only this, I am not always wrong. I know humility is supposedly all about how weak, wretched and horrible we are. I never felt more joy in these last few days. I am rid of shame and I do not always feel like the only sinner in the world or I have the most faults or I am the absolute worse. Not everything feels like it is my fault. As many times as I am wrong, I have been right too. Some people say this is humility, I think this is actually despair.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

I have not felt truly happy with myself for a long time. I used to think the only real way to be happy was to perfect. As I have gotten older, I now realize I will never be perfect but I do not want to stop trying. Not only this, I am not always wrong. I know humility is supposedly all about how weak, wretched and horrible we are. I never felt more joy in these last few days. I am rid of shame and I do not always feel like the only sinner in the world or I have the most faults or I am the absolute worse. Not everything feels like it is my fault. As many times as I am wrong, I have been right too. Some people say this is humility, I think this is actually despair.

Humility is not all about how weak, wretched, and horrible we are. Humility is not the equivalent of self-abasement. It is about not being proud, which is (in part) an exaggeration of our own importance. Being humble is about accepting the reality of our situation. Compared to God, everything is next to nothing, but the Psalms tell us that we are made ‘little less than the gods’ and in Genesis we are told that we are created in the image and likeness of God, Himself. What a glorious position we have.

In Baptism we become the children of God and are restored to our rightful place in creation, freed from Original Sin. Yes, we battle concupiscence all our lives. We are weak and wretched in our sinfulness. In Confession, our sins are wiped away and our state of grace is restored if we’ve committed mortal sin.

Being humble is being honest about our state - prone to sin and glorious at the same time. To reject the reality of concupiscence is pride, and to reject our glorious origins and Christ’s redemption is despair. Humility is finding the balance between the two. You’re right, we’ll never be ‘perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect’ but we are always journeying towards that perfection. Perfect humility is learned along the way.

Be at peace.

 

[jinglebelle]

I have not felt truly happy with myself for a long time. I used to think the only real way to be happy was to perfect. As I have gotten older, I now realize I will never be perfect but I do not want to stop trying. Not only this, I am not always wrong. I know humility is supposedly all about how weak, wretched and horrible we are. I never felt more joy in these last few days. I am rid of shame and I do not always feel like the only sinner in the world or I have the most faults or I am the absolute worse. Not everything feels like it is my fault. As many times as I am wrong, I have been right too. Some people say this is humility, I think this is actually despair.

In the getting of wisdom,you have reached a major point.You will not stop trying but accepting yourself you have experienced more personal joy.This is true and good,

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Somewhere, way back I wrote about humility and vanity. Your concept of humility is all wrong and you need to reappraise or meditate on the true meaning of humility. Jesus was humble, but not weak, wretched, or horrible. For conformation of this you need to go straight back to the gospels and read or reread with an open heart and mind.

Whoever taught or perpetuated such an idiololgy was not quite correct and a lot of it/was taught by the Church Fathers long ago, as they understood it. While not wrong for their times the Church has progressed in it’s understanding of the virtues and graces and we need to, also.

Humility is an “acceptance” of who we are, and what we are at the present and the grace to move forward and change for the betterment of self. the Church and our fellow travelers. If you think about Mary, the Mother of Christ, she accepted her role with grace and humility and moved and lived it. So also, did Mary Magdelline, and countless others.

We are created to exude joy and love, therefor we show love for Jesus/God. So many of the externals of everyday life and survival tend to kick the virtues to the backside or having been taught the trueness of humility. Yes, there are really bad things happening to God’s people, but in all humility we try to be accepting, but move forward in ourselves even if we can not change the world. Peace and prayers or you.

 

[puzzledtoo]

I read this some time ago-Humility isn’t thinking less of oneself, it is thinking of oneself less. Blessings to you and yours.

 

[Kurisu35712]

For a few good examples of humility, look to people like St. Joan of Arc, St. Theresa (any of them really), St. Catherine of Siena, Mary herself. These were not self-deprecating women. These were extraordinarily strong, caring, intelligent women. St. Joan would not have sheepishly looked at her feet and stammered if you asked what her contributions to the French army victories were. She was well-aware of her position, her achievements, and her standing with the men she served with and led. But she was not arrogant, nor prideful, nor exaggerating. A large part of humility is honesty with yourself and others. A humble person is well-aware of their self-worth and the fact that they are God’s beloved child, and yet are aware that the people around them, even their enemies, are as well. They are able to look at themselves and say that, even when they do not love themselves, they will allow God to love them and they will work under His care to improve.

Despair is a result of believing the lies about oneself. That we will never be good enough, or smart enough, or happy enough, or pretty enough. Those are lies, and are false expectations. Despair is a state one reaches when God loves you and you believe that you don’t deserve it. It is arrogant of us to think that we can do anything to make God love us any less. Despair truly is a form of arrogance. It is the belief that you can determine whether or not other people should love you, which is a right you do not have. Humility is an acceptance of God’s love despite our own imperfections, and a mentality of subjecting oneself to God’s direction to improve ourselves for our own good. We should improve because we want to be better and because we want to succeed, not because we believe we have no worth otherwise. One’s intrinsic worth is independent of one’s abilities, as it is an aspect of one’s nature as a human being, as determined by God at our individual creation.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Let me throw a monkey wrench into the trend of the posts here:

I am not telling you, “You believe too much in your own wretchedness.” We are much more wretched than we ever realize. But I am telling you, “You do not believe enough in merciful love.”

We must have confidence, not in spite of our miseries, but because of them, since it is misery which attracts mercy.

---- I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux by Jean C.J. d’Elbée

 

[thistle]

I have not felt truly happy with myself for a long time. I used to think the only real way to be happy was to perfect. As I have gotten older, I now realize I will never be perfect but I do not want to stop trying. Not only this, I am not always wrong. I know humility is supposedly all about how weak, wretched and horrible we are. I never felt more joy in these last few days. I am rid of shame and I do not always feel like the only sinner in the world or I have the most faults or I am the absolute worse. Not everything feels like it is my fault. As many times as I am wrong, I have been right too. Some people say this is humility, I think this is actually despair.

Despair is a sin of grave matter while humility is a virtue.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Another quote, this time from my favorite book:

“Little” St. Thérèse—as she herself, before her death, asked to be invoked—left us a way of relating to the Lord that she called the way of spiritual childhood. The teaching of this doctor of the Church meant a great advance in Christian spirituality. In classical manuals on humility, it was said that our miseries help us to make spiritual progress because they bring us to realize the need to be forgiven by a God who loves us despite our defects. However, from the time of St. Thérèse onward, a new nuance was introduced: God loves us not only despite but, in a certain way, also because of our weakness. The Lord is very generous and wishes to “bend over backwards” for everyone, but he has a “soft spot” for the weakest of all, since if they persevere in their efforts and acknowledge their weakness, he can truly overturn things for them.

St. Paul intuited the same thing when the Lord told him, “My power is made perfect in weakness”—and, the Apostle added, “I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses… .” (2 Cor 12:9–10). St. Josemaría affirms:

As we sense in our hearts the love, the compassion, the tenderness of Christ’s gaze upon us, for he never abandons us, we shall come to understand the full meaning of those words of St. Paul, virtus in infirmitate perficitur. If we have faith in Our Lord, in spite of our failings, or, rather, with our failings—we shall be faithful to our Father, God …
Thus, we too can attain sanctity, not only despite our miseries but with them. Thanks to them, we will love God even more.

We do well, then, to be like little children who aren’t shocked at their own weakness.

— Self-Esteem Without Selfishness: Increasing Our Capacity for Love by Michel Esparza​

So I want to ask the previous posters: why are you telling us that knowing how weak, wretched, or even horrible we are is incorrect, to the point that, as one poster wrote, “such an idiololgy was not quite correct, and a lot of it/was taught by the Church Fathers long ago, as they understood it”?

Why do you think that “Despair is a state one reaches when God loves you and you believe that you don’t deserve it”? Are you saying that we deserve God’s love, that He owes us our love?

 

[Kurisu35712]

+JMJ+

Another quote, this time from my favorite book:

“Little” St. Thérèse—as she herself, before her death, asked to be invoked—left us a way of relating to the Lord that she called the way of spiritual childhood. The teaching of this doctor of the Church meant a great advance in Christian spirituality. In classical manuals on humility, it was said that our miseries help us to make spiritual progress because they bring us to realize the need to be forgiven by a God who loves us despite our defects. However, from the time of St. Thérèse onward, a new nuance was introduced: God loves us not only despite but, in a certain way, also because of our weakness. The Lord is very generous and wishes to “bend over backwards” for everyone, but he has a “soft spot” for the weakest of all, since if they persevere in their efforts and acknowledge their weakness, he can truly overturn things for them.

St. Paul intuited the same thing when the Lord told him, “My power is made perfect in weakness”—and, the Apostle added, “I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses… .” (2 Cor 12:9–10). St. Josemaría affirms:

As we sense in our hearts the love, the compassion, the tenderness of Christ’s gaze upon us, for he never abandons us, we shall come to understand the full meaning of those words of St. Paul, virtus in infirmitate perficitur. If we have faith in Our Lord, in spite of our failings, or, rather, with our failings—we shall be faithful to our Father, God …
Thus, we too can attain sanctity, not only despite our miseries but with them. Thanks to them, we will love God even more.

We do well, then, to be like little children who aren’t shocked at their own weakness.

— Self-Esteem Without Selfishness: Increasing Our Capacity for Love by Michel Esparza​

So I want to ask the previous posters: why are you telling us that knowing how weak, wretched, or even horrible we are is incorrect, to the point that, as one poster wrote, “such an idiololgy was not quite correct, and a lot of it/was taught by the Church Fathers long ago, as they understood it”?

Why do you think that “Despair is a state one reaches when God loves you and you believe that you don’t deserve it”? Are you saying that we deserve God’s love, that He owes us our love?

Since that was directed at me, you’re right, I should have said that more clearly. Deserve was the wrong word to use there. The point I was trying to get across is more that despair is when God loves you and you doubt His love. We aren’t owed anything, but that doesn’t change the fact that He loves us unconditionally. No, we don’t deserve it, as that would be presumption, but we also have no right to doubt it, which was what I was getting at.

In my opinion, knowing our weakness and our failings is one of the most important aspects of humility. But dwelling on those and allowing them to take away from our inherent dignity as children of God is bad. St. Therese embraced her weaknesses, but she also approached them with a perspective of joy as a means of loving God more fully and being able to depend more on Him. She saw weaknesses as trials and opportunities, rather than flaws, but not everyone is at a point to spiritually do that. I have a tab about her writings open right now actually, so it’s interesting that you bring her up. Within the context of the OP’s post and history, I feel like it would be more helpful to emphasize the joy found in God rather than the joy the Saints found in suffering.