Despairing

[Anim8]

I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, I usually keep my problems to myself.

I just … I feel like giving up.

I feel like a lightweight amateur boxer who is getting into the ring with a heavyweight champion. And as to be expected…I get the **** kicked out of me…every…single…time. I feel like I keep going to confession, I keep praying…but the result is always the same…I always fail. I always fall.

I get into depressions where I don’t know whether to pray for the bell, or just give up and hope satan hits me so hard I just don’t get up.

I just want to stop fighting…

But I can’t. And I feel like there is no way to beat satan…no matter how well I do, or how hard I try, he’s always there to knock me down. And frankly, I just don’t want to get back up. I know I should, I want to have the desire…but I don’t.

Enough is enough, I’ve had it!

I’ve heard all the “But Christ will…” or “Just pray” responses…and I’m really getting sick of it.

I write this through tears… this is not me rejecting Him…I want peace…but I’m not strong enough.

This is not the first time I have felt this way…I’ve always gotten up before…but I just feel like there’s no point anymore.

Why does this have to be so hard?

Why can’t God just let us choose without a fallen nature…without the ugliness of sin in our lives?

Why did God pass the guilt of original sin on to me? I hadn’t done anything, yet I was born in sin.

I just feel like I’m fighting this alone…and I know that I don’t have the strength to do this on my own…

 

[Siena]

Anim8-

I can sympathise, having gone through this more than once, over several problems. I have come to think that this can be God allowing us to be brought to our knees, until you know, without doubt, without pride, that He is the only good, that we, in and of ourselves, can do NOTHING. All we have, our faith, our hope, our love for and in Him, come from Him. They are His free gift to and for us, and we can never deserve them, we can never fight hard enough for them, but we can, and must, try. Try with all our might, and only in that way, can we begin to give thanks and glory to God.

He is closer to us in these time than we realize, and is pleased, not so much by our successes, (in and of themselves) but by our effort. When we hold on to Him, like a life preserver in a hurricane, in those moments, we truly realize we can do nothing BUT hold on, hold on for dear life. In the words of St. Peter, when asked if the apostles would leave also, said, “Lord, to whom should we go? You have the words of eternal life. And we have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God”.

 

[Em_in_FL]

You will be in my prayers.

 

[FightingFat]

Bless you Anim8, my heart goes out to you. My Grandmother always said that everything was a prayer. I hope you find a way out of this to peace and if you want to talk about it please feel free to PM me!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Anim

Why did God pass the guilt of original sin on to me? I hadn’t done anything, yet I was born in sin.

God didn’t pass on the guilt of original sin to you, but rather, it’s the nature of sin. God did however, remove the guilt of sin, through Jesus Christ.

Perhaps, what you perceive to be sin, is not?

Either way, to avoid sin, you have to understand the true evil of it. Once done, the reason to avoid sin will become stronger than your desire to commit it.

The only way to arrive at this level of understanding is through prayer, and allowing Christ to work in you.

Don’t despair, God is not angry with you, but rather, loves you unconditionally.

Jim

 

[TOP]

I go to confession often with the same sin, I hate it. Each time it gets easier to not do, though. My Priest knows me well and its so hard to keep coming back to him with the same sin. I feel like I failed miserably. But I tell you what he always tells me," Keep fighting the good fight". Tim

 

[homewardangel]

I know how you feel - but I don’t have any answers. I just keep going because that’s the only choice I have. I did stop by the Dairy Queen at lunch today and got a reese cup blizzard and that seemed to help.

I don’t know how long you have been dealing with what you are dealing with, but apparantly its been too long. I don’t think that the answer is as simple as “pray” - I actually had people tell me that if I would go to confession more it would help - but its not that simple. I believe that prayer (and life) is a process and things take time. I think God expects us to embrace our own lives and live them - its not as simple as pray and Jesus will take care of things. If you want to PM me that’s fine, I have been struggling for longer than I care to think about it.

Terry

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Anim8,

I will certainly pray for you. I have been going through similar feelings myself, and my priest was said to me, “Maybe God wants you to realize you can’t do it on your own.” I was very struck by that statement.

It shouldn’t be Anim8 vs. Satan in the boxing ring. God wants to step in and take your place. He is all-powerful and the only one who can truly crush evil.

I am still learning how to give over to God all my pain, my trials and my worries. But the more I do, the lighter my load feels.

God bless you.

 

[Anim8]

My thanks to all of you. I was rather…upset when I started this thread. My spiritual life has been a rollarcoaster for quite awhile, with some very big highs…and some very deep lows. Sometimes I feel ups and downs very often (depression like what I posted above 3 or more times a week), then sometimes I just feel neutral for awhile.

I’ve “regained my footing” since my post.

**Siena

**Thank you. I was pretty upset, and probably a “just pray a lot” post would have only angered me. But your post helped me, saying how you’ve also struggled with this helped me to remember I’m not alone. I guess it was rather narrow minded of me to think that I was the only one, I tend to get a little shortsighted when I become emotional.

**Em_in_FL

**I am often humbled when people offer their prayers. Thank you, know that I appreciate it.

**FightingFat

**To be honest, after reading the first two responses I was getting rather emotional, and I had to actually stop reading you post halfway through because of your sincerity. I really felt that you meant what you said about caring, and I almost started crying at work. Thank you.

**JimR-OCDS

**I know God is not angry, I suppose I was just angry with myself and looking to blame someone. I struck out, and it was dumb. Thank you for bringing back some rationality.

**TOP

**Confession is a wonderful thing, unfortunately due to transportation limitations I can’t go as often as I’d like. I should pick a priest to go to every time, but frankly I have a lot of trouble seriously opening up to other people. For short retreats I open up fine…but when it comes to something lasting…I have a lot of difficulty. To be honest I’m rather surprised I got emotional enough to post, I’m usually rather private about my emotions. Thank you.

**
homewardangel
**
Thanks for the Dairy Queen comment…I needed a laugh.
I want to give it all to Christ, only recently did I truly realize what a sacrifice it is to give it all over to God. I’ve been surprised at how attached I have become, and how difficult it is, to give some things up. It’s hard, but I am trying.

**ElizabethAnne

**Truly I can’t do this on my own, if nothing else I have learned that. I’m just struggling with giving my life over to Christ so that He can help me with my burdens. Sometimes I just feel like “How can I have the gall to go back and ask for forgiveness…AGAIN?”

I know in my head that I can always go to Christ, I just feel so unworthy to do so at times. Thank you.

Despite what my previous post may have implied, I never lose faith in God. But I find myself very often losing faith in myself. God will lead us to Him, but He does require work on our part…sometimes I just feel like I’m not strong enough to pull my weight.

 

[jules11]

Anim8,
I hope you’re feeling a bit better since you posted this.
Your post touched me, you seemed so sad. I can relate. I think I can safely say that most of us can and do feel what you explained. I’m sure it’s God urging you on to that next level of faith. He has His plan and it’s a good one.
It can be so hard but I think what helps me when I feel like that is, I need to stop thinking that I can do anything good myself, I need to trust more in God and a childlike trust is what He wants from us.
I hope things are better for you. I will pray for you, God bless

 

[AngelicDoctor]

Anim8,
Your post really resonated with me. I have been experiencing a very serious bout with depression and anxiety for the past 4 months. I am seeking treatment, but many days seem like an absolute struggle… I too have the feeling like I want the struggle to be over and just want peace. I am not having the same struggle with sin as you seem to be having (don’t get me wrong, I am still very much a sinner)… but I also get frustrated when people tell me just to pray more or go to Mass and confession more (I go to Mass daily and confession monthly, I also pray a holy hour each day–I just mention this to make the point that prayer does not always ensure spiritual/psychological peace).

I have looked at other people–and said to myself–why is this happening to ME… I try to be faithful to God… why am I thrown into this darkness.

One thing that I have learned through my experience is that, I have been made to totally rely on God EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE for my own survival. That is a humbling thing… and I hope that it is something that will transform me. God can bring all kinds of grace and good out of the darkest of things. It helps me just to say to God–'God, I am not going to worry about my suffering or the future… I am just going to pray this rosary, read the Bible, or pray before the Blessed Sacrament and be with you… I am going to let You worry about me for a change.

Take one day at a time… learn what it really means to Trust.
Let us pray for one another. You are definitely not alone.

 

[homewardangel]

I have a silly question. This reply said exactly what I was thinking

I am not having the same struggle with sin as you seem to be having (don’t get me wrong, I am still very much a sinner).

I realize that I sin waaay too often on a daily basis, but I don’t feel like it is necessarily that sin that I need to let go of. How are we to know what we are supposed to let go of? Its not like I had a whole lot starting out with - and I have let go of plenty. If I am struggling wanting things that I need or want are those simply things that I need to let go of - but no some of those are pretty important things.

Any thoughts? Does anyone know “what” they are supposed to let go of? I have prayed many times asking God to help me let go of whatever it is that I need to (because obviously I don’t know what is causing this struggle or I would just fix it)
Terry

 

[guanophore]

I have a silly question. This reply said exactly what I was thinking

I realize that I sin waaay too often on a daily basis, but I don’t feel like it is necessarily that sin that I need to let go of. How are we to know what we are supposed to let go of? Its not like I had a whole lot starting out with - and I have let go of plenty. If I am struggling wanting things that I need or want are those simply things that I need to let go of - but no some of those are pretty important things.

Any thoughts? Does anyone know “what” they are supposed to let go of? I have prayed many times asking God to help me let go of whatever it is that I need to (because obviously I don’t know what is causing this struggle or I would just fix it)
Terry

Everything! Seeking first the kingdom, and His righteousness. He knows what we have need of before we ask it, so whenever we pray the Lord’s prayer “give us this day our daily bread” we trust that he will take care of it.

 

[homewardangel]

Everything! Seeking first the kingdom, and His righteousness. He knows what we have need of before we ask it, so whenever we pray the Lord’s prayer “give us this day our daily bread” we trust that he will take care of it.

Isn’t that sort of a broad statement? God created us to live our lives - and there in lies my problem. The things that deal with my life.

A person can’t just give up everything (job, home, belongings, friends, ect…) and spend their time in church and say that they’re doing it for God. I am not a priest or a nun; I have a family and a job - that means that God’s will for me is to care for my children which means I need my job and home and I have things that I must do to accomplish the care of my children.

A person can seek first the kingdom of heaven and still have lots of options in thier lives - how much do I put in the collection basket? how much do I volunteer at church? how much time do I need to work to provide for my kids? which friends should I spend time with? should I keep my home or move? too many options to list. Its those types of things that I mean. uch:

Terry

 

[guanophore]

I get into depressions where I don’t know whether to pray for the bell, or just give up and hope satan hits me so hard I just don’t get up. I just want to stop fighting…
But I can’t. And I feel like there is no way to beat satan…no matter how well I do, or how hard I try, he’s always there to knock me down.

Fortunately, you don’t have to, because Jesus already did! You just need to get behind Jesus. I don’t mean to simplify your struggle, as I have shared it, but you can fight the battle much easier if you realize that it is already won.

1 Cor 15:27 "For God has put all things in subjection under his feet.

It is true, that Satan will knock you down, but he can only do that if you let him. If you know who you are in Christ, the gates of hell cannot prevail against you.

And frankly, I just don’t want to get back up. I know I should, I want to have the desire…but I don’t.

Despair is one of Satan’s favorite weapons. Hope is our defense.

Rom 15:13
3 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Enough is enough, I’ve had it!

Actually, this is a good place to be. when one is sick and tired of being sick and tired, then something has to give!

I've heard all the "But Christ will..." or "Just pray" responses...and I'm really getting sick of it.

You are right, it is important to pray, but that is not all there is to spiritual warfare. You also need to put on the whole armor of God:

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; 16 besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 Pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints" Eph 6:10-19

Notice that we are made strong in the strength of HIS might, not our own. The armor has been given to us, but we have to put it on.

I write this through tears.. this is not me rejecting Him...I want peace....but I'm not strong enough.

None of us are, but if we know that we are in HIM, and we understand that he has already put his foot across the enemy’s neck, then we can triumph.

This is not the first time I have felt this way....I've always gotten up before...but I just feel like there's no point anymore.

Why does this have to be so hard?

For the same reason that you don’t pick up toddlers all the time, and carry them around. In order for us to be able to walk with Christ in a fallen world, we have to be strong. Building of strength takes working out.

Why can’t God just let us choose without a fallen nature…without the ugliness of sin in our lives?

This was the line that caught my attention on this post. If you are baptized, you are no longer a slave to your fallen nature. If it seems like you are, then you have not yet apprehended your birthright. Sin is always near at hand, but so is redemption. If you are in your sacraments, then you do not have to hold on to that ugliness.

Why did God pass the guilt of original sin on to me?  I hadn't done anything,  yet I was born in sin.:(

Maybe this was already addressed? God did not pass that to you, Adam and Eve did. However, with baptism, this is washed away, and you can start fresh, as though they never fell in the garden.

I just feel like I'm fighting this alone...and I know that I don't have the strength to do this on my own......

That might be why you keep getting “just pray”. If you feel alone, people are thinking you don’t sense that God is in this with you. None of us have the strength to do this on our own. All the strength comes from Him, we just need to tap into our birthright.

 

[4loveofJesus]

May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you all!

God is all powerful, all loving, all goodness. Let us not give any credit to the evil one other than what he truly deserves…NOTHING. The evil one would like you to think that he is powerful and that you cannot overcome him, so that he will always have hold of you and eventually little by little he will eventually take control of your life.

A saint once said that the evil one has no power over us even to touch our hair unless it is permitted by God. In other words, he is utterly powerless. Do not give him the satisfaction by giving in to the temptations of despair, doubting God’s love for us and His continued presence and help.

We are all work in progress until our last breath of life. Let us not get disappointed when we fall but instead imitate Our Good Lord Jesus by getting up and carrying our cross with patience and love.

Frequenting the sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Confession, blessing yourself with holy water, invoking the names of Jesus, asking the help of Our Blessed Mother, St. Michael, the angels, the saints and poor souls in purgatory are definitely a great help in warding off the attacks and deceits of the evil one.

Doing spiritual reading such as the writings of St. John of the Cross, St. Therese of the little flower, St. Faustina, St. Teresa of Avila will give you an idea on how these saints dealt with that dark night of the soul, how they persevered and stayed faithful to God and came up victorious.

We are not alone on our journey. We have God, the entire Church Triumphant, Militant and Suffering with us each and every moment of our lives. Let us not rely on ourselves but just totally surrender all to God according to His most Holy Will.

We are praying for you. God bless!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!