Desperate and resentful with NFP

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Odagled

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Hi
I just want some advice, maybe someone else is struggling with this and can share it with me…
I’m a catholic woman mid 40’s, my husband wanted to start following the catholic teaching of NFP, we’ve always been devout Catholics but for some reason we didn’t come across this until the past year…We took the NFP class realizing that I don’t show the symptoms I need in order to chart…I ended up pregnant and having a miscarriage, I am also peri menopausal making my period cycles go from every 2 weeks to 45 -50 days…I feel that I am old to have more kids plus husband is 50+, We have used condoms but my husband is totally against it, now I feel myself with anger and resentment towards him because when I am in top mood to be intimate, he would just ignore me so we don’t sin, I know it’s not his fault but I feel disconnected from him, and to make things worst he suffers from erectile dysfunction most of the time, which makes me feel dissatisfied…please don’t take this post the wrong way, I know sex is not everything in a marriage and I should be praying whenever I have these feelings but honestly I don’t even feel like praying and sometimes I find myself fantasizing about other men or thinking about masturbation due to the anxiety and stress I feel in those particular days, I have spoken to priests about this and there is only one answer, to offer this to God and to follow his way, but I feel they don’t understand how a woman also feels that we can only have sex when I don’t feel like and don’t enjoy it and that way I don’t give my best, I also feel used that my husband will only approach me when he thinks Ilthere is no danger for sex, I know you would say just cuddle in those days but my body still feels I need to release myself…
 
I find it hard to believe that priests have told you to offer it up and follow God’s way. That’s horrible advice for a couple who are struggling with intimacy issues. I’ve never heard anything like that.
 
Hugs.

NFP is not a “one method fits all” sort of thing. You may find a different method to work better with your body.
 
Odagled said:
feel they don’t understand how a woman also feels that we can only have sex when I don’t feel like and don’t enjoy it and that way I don’t give my best, I also feel used that my husband will only approach me when he thinks Ilthere is no danger for sex, I know you would say just cuddle in those days but my body still feels I need to release myself…
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I am a woman so I do know how you feel. Extended abstinence may be in your life until menopause. It stinks, but it is what we do to remain faithful and holy.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
I find it hard to believe that priests have told you to offer it up and follow God’s way. That’s horrible advice for a couple who are struggling with intimacy issues. I’ve never heard anything like that.
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It’s not horrible advice. It’s difficult but the right thing to do— it stinks but you gotta do it anyway— that’s the right advice.

Horrible advice is— go ahead and sin so you can have sex whenever you want to.
 
1ke said:
Horrible advice is— go ahead and sin so you can have sex whenever you want to.
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Your assumption of sin on their part is astounding. How long have you been Catholic?
 
1Lord1Faith said:
To advise a middle aged couple who aren’t going to have anymore children, and who are at risk with a geriatric pregnancy, to advoid intimacy because of nothing more than legalism is very wrong.
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Violating the sixth commandment isn’t “legalism”. Sin is serious. Abstaining periodically or completely is the way one avoids pregnancy.
1Lord1Faith said:
A geriatric pregnancy is a legitimate medical risk and a doctor’s advice should be followed, not a priest who throws the couple’s well being under the bus in favor of obeying a Church teaching that isn’t meant to be used in that way
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The advice to not have children is medical advice, purview of a doctor. The advice to do so in a moral way is the purview of the priest.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
Your assumption of sin
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Contraception is grave matter against the sixth commandment. The couple knows this.

To encourage a couple to contracept is itself grave matter.

I am not “presuming” the couple is sinning. The OP has stated that they were previously unaware of Church teaching but now are, and her husband no longer wants to contracept because he now knows it’s wrong. So, yes, a priest advising him to contracept even though he knows it is a sin is very wrong.
 
TheLittleLady said:
NFP is not a “one method fits all” sort of thing. You may find a different method to work better with your body.
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Agreed. I would definitely encourage the OP to look at a variety of methods especially perimenopause— Creighton yellow stickers are great for that.
 
1ke said:
Violating the sixth commandment isn’t “legalism”. Sin is serious.
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Unbelievable. You show an incredible lack of understanding.
1ke said:
Abstaining periodically or completely is the way one avoids pregnancy.
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You need to reread the OP.
1ke said:
The advice to not have children is medical advice, purview of a doctor. The advice to do so in a moral way is the purview of the priest.
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Again, a lack of understanding, preferring to see a priest as one who can navigate the medical conditions involved in a couple’s intimacy. This is not the priest’s area. Marital intimacy is up to the conscience of the couple with guidance from a doctor. The priest’s job is to NOT throw a wet blanket on the couple. If that’s what 1ke has chosen for her life, so be it, but don’t go around insisting that what you do is right for everyone else.
1ke said:
I am not “presuming” the couple is sinning.
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You are presuming they will sin. You are presuming they have broken the sixth commandment!

I think it’s obvious why I asked you how long you’ve been Catholic. Your condemnation of the OP, lack of understanding Catholicism, your reducing Catholicism to a set of rules, your insistence that people are made to serve the teachings.
 
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1ke said:
So, yes, a priest advising him to contracept even though he knows it is a sin is very wrong.
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Contraception is not the point 1ke. If you understood Catholicism, you’d be able to see that. Instead you’ve chosen to hitch your wagon to “rules”.
 
Step back a little. Billions of Catholic couples have had a marriage and approached menopause in the history of the Church. Long before modern technology. NFP can be practiced conservatively here.
 
Odagled said:
they don’t understand how a woman also feels that we can only have sex when I don’t feel like and don’t enjoy it and that way I don’t give my best, I also feel used that my husband will only approach me when he thinks Ilthere is no danger
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I’m sorry you are going through this difficulty. I do understand. Total abstinence might eliminate the feeling of being used. I never used any method but NFP or total abstinence so I can’t speak to other methods, but you might want to check one of those other ways out instead of using a thermometer.

Eventually you get old enough.🎉
 
There are many methods of monitoring one’s fertility. Observing different signs/combination of signs and tracking them in different ways. Some of these would be:

Billings https://www.boma-usa.org/
Creighton What is NFP | Fertility Awareness Classes | Couple to Couple League International
Sympto-Thermal What is NFP | Fertility Awareness Classes | Couple to Couple League International
Marquette https://nfp.marquette.edu/
Ovatel What is Ovatel? - Ovatel
Daysay https://usa.daysy.me/

There are many new to market tech devices, I listed the couple I’m aware of but this is not an exhaustive list.
 
TheLittleLady knows more of them than me! 😁 I was thinking of the ones where you do not use a thermometer or perhaps the microscope kind.
 
I think pug excluded those when pug excluded NFP. I think pug is advocating mortal sin tempered by a false idea of mercy that if sexual matters are hard then anything is to be recommended. Something no Catholic should ever do. It’s basically saying " I’ll bet your soul and mine on this advice"
 
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