G
grisou
Guest
I desperately need help. I have been married for 3 years and a half and I have a little boy of 21 months. My marriage is far from perfect, but there were no major issues. About 7 weeks ago, after asking my husband what was wrong with him (he looked unhappy), he told me he wanted to leave the marriage. He said he has never loved me, we had never been happy and that he wanted to be a priest and did not tell me earlier ( we took a month off during our engagement for him to figure out if he wanted to be a priest or get married) because I would have cried. I had to insist for him to come to counselling with me because he did not want to. He said that it was nothing that I had done, i was an extraordinary person and I just chose the wrong husband. He did not know what marriage was and he made a mistake. I insisted for counselling because the sacrament is important to me and it is not logical to just want to leave without any logical reason. After the first meeting with the priest (trained marriage counsellor), my husband thanked me and told me that he wanted to work things out and would have been mad at himself if he just left like that. However, a few days later, he told me his heart was not in it and that he wanted out of the relationship. I told him to give the marriage a honest chance and to let me know if there was anything that I had done that was upsetting him. He insisted that it was nothing that I did, that he just wanted to be a priest and be alone. For the last six weeks, I feel like I have been strung along, where he says will try and then crushes all hope every time I think things are going better. My husband began very attached to his cell phone and started taking long walks and texting non-stop. Messages were coming in late at night and I asked him if there was something I should know (I thought he was cheating on me). I asked him if he was truly making an honest effort to make things work and he answered that only time would tell (???). I felt like he was just playing with my emotions and I contacted my marriage counsellor and told that I felt that my husband was being dishonest and just wanted out of the marriage and was trying to find any excuse to do it. I told the priest that I wanted to ask him to answer truthfully if he wanted to work things out or not because I could not keep not sleeping or eating the way that I have been for the last few weeks. My husband said that he wanted out again insisting that there was nothing I could do and that he was not involved with someone else. I told him that it was time to let our families know. I spoke to my parents and he spoke to his mom (who is a single woman, has never been married or been in a relationship in her life, she unofficially adopted him). When he came back from his mom’s, he hugged me and told me he wanted to work things out, that he was back and that he would stop playing with me and that he had not been present in the past. I told him that these issues could not just disappear like that and that it he had to explore them because no one can change their mind in 2 hours. I said that he should take one month off and think things through (this was also suggested by the counsellor during our session). The next morning, he had changed his mind and wanted to leave again. I feel like my husband has been dishonest for all of the duration of counselling. First he wanted to be a priest, then he just wants to be alone… after he tells me that he would consider being with a woman in the future. Something is not clear in all this. Then, his mom decides to make a family reunion to talk about things because she said no one would just get up and leave if nothing was wrong (and I agree). Now, after insisting for the last 2 months that it is nothing that I have done, my husband sat done and wrote a list of things that upset him in our relationship. He then proceeded to read that list to his mom in front of me and my family ( I had no idea what was on the list because he never shared it with me before everyone got together). I am extremely upset because this should have been done in counselling, plus his mom basically told me that I am the woman and thus I have to make all the concessions. She basically told me that her son is not a talkative person and got married before he was ready and that he did not tell me he wanted to be a priest because he was afraid to hurt my feelings. I feel like my husband just wants to leave and is trying to find any excuse to do so and save face. He said that even if he left me, it doesn’t make him not respect the sacrament because he did not know what it entailed. I asked him that if we worked on his list of 8 years of things that he kept bottled in (despite my asking him on a regular basis if something was wrong whenever I thought he was upset), would he be willing to stay… His answer was, I will question myself about it. I feel like my husband just wants out and I lost some respect for him. I find his behaviour extremely dishonest and I feel like he just wants to look good in his mother’s eyes and that is why he produced that list (why not produce it when I asked for one in counselling). He has been playing with my heart for 6 weeks too many now. He will take a month off of the family in april (no contact with me or his son) to see if he wants to work things out. I feel like he will just come and say he wants out and I don’t even know if I want him to stay anymore. I need advice.
“Who me? I should take care of the baby?”
Seriously, he has a SON and should step up and be a father and husband, he took the vows before God and he helped to make that child, what a fool, and how cruel it is to suddenly change his mind.