Desperate help needed

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lovedance4ever

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I don’t sleep anymore, and haven’t rested well for two or so months…four hours per night at best. I know I have written in the past about being depressed, but truthfully, I have never experienced anything this bad before. I spend every spare minute I have in my bedroom, and I am overcome by anxiety anytime I have to leave my home. My mother often sits with me in my room, and even spent the night last night, because I was inconsolable.

It comes down to the fact that I am incredibly lonely, and I see no future, no hope for myself in sight. Academically, I used to be at the top with a 4.0, and now I can barely comprehend what I am reading when I pick up a text book. And it is not that I don’t try; it almost feels like my brain has stopped functioning. I cannot believe, nor do I like what I have become.

I hate everything and everyone. I am a bitter and angry 21 year old woman who is perplexed as to why there is no apparent light at the end of my tunnel. The emotional grief I feel is incapacitating, and I am unable to turn off my thoughts. I worry incessantly that my life will never get any better and that I will die alone. Both of my parents were in their 40’s when I was born, and all I can think of is that when they pass on, I will have absolutely nothing. The only support system and unconditional love that I have will be gone, and then what? I have no friends, and a family that wouldn’t notice me if I was an alien pod person chanting Hare Krishna and spitting nickels.

To quote Dostoyevsky who stated it much better than I: “One circumstance tormented me then: Namely, that no one else was like me, and I was like no one else. I am only one, and they are all.”

And where is God in all of this? It is becoming increasingly difficult to attend Mass, though I still try to pray. I haven’t stopped believing in Him, but I feel He has abandoned me.

Please pray for me. If you have any advice to offer regarding how to cope, I’d greatly appreciate it. I am seeing a counselor, and will continue to address these problems with her. I just need help with the spiritual end of things. Thanks.
 
lovedance4ever said:
I don’t sleep anymore, and haven’t rested well for two or so months…four hours per night at best. I know I have written in the past about being depressed, but truthfully, I have never experienced anything this bad before. I spend every spare minute I have in my bedroom, and I am overcome by anxiety anytime I have to leave my home. My mother often sits with me in my room, and even spent the night last night, because I was inconsolable.

It comes down to the fact that I am incredibly lonely, and I see no future, no hope for myself in sight. Academically, I used to be at the top with a 4.0, and now I can barely comprehend what I am reading when I pick up a text book. And it is not that I don’t try; it almost feels like my brain has stopped functioning. I cannot believe, nor do I like what I have become.

I hate everything and everyone. I am a bitter and angry 21 year old woman who is perplexed as to why there is no apparent light at the end of my tunnel. The emotional grief I feel is incapacitating, and I am unable to turn off my thoughts. I worry incessantly that my life will never get any better and that I will die alone. Both of my parents were in their 40’s when I was born, and all I can think of is that when they pass on, I will have absolutely nothing. The only support system and unconditional love that I have will be gone, and then what? I have no friends, and a family that wouldn’t notice me if I was an alien pod person chanting Hare Krishna and spitting nickels.

To quote Dostoyevsky who stated it much better than I: “One circumstance tormented me then: Namely, that no one else was like me, and I was like no one else. I am only one, and they are all.”

And where is God in all of this? It is becoming increasingly difficult to attend Mass, though I still try to pray. I haven’t stopped believing in Him, but I feel He has abandoned me.

Please pray for me. If you have any advice to offer regarding how to cope, I’d greatly appreciate it. I am seeing a counselor, and will continue to address these problems with her. I just need help with the spiritual end of things. Thanks.
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Judging by the description you provide about your behavior: lack of good sleep, confinement to your room, inability to concentrate, it seems to me you have many of the classic signs of major depression. I would advise you to seek clinical psychological help apart from your counselor as soon as possible, together with your parents if they are willing to accompany you.
 
I often get really upset when I read stories from young people like this thread,
I felt this way myself at this age, it feel like such a hopeless dreadfull situation to find yourself,in ,
But, when you work through this, and it doesn’t happen overnight, once you come out the other side, you begin to see that the answer to this thing was really not hard,but because your thoughts are so naturally negative ,you can’t see the sunshine,
Do what I didn’t do , I did it the hard way, firstly get professional help.
Is there any chance you or your family could move away ?
Is there a beach that you could see ,
You need mental stimulation,physical stimulation, something to get you outside ,
Could you go ice skating with someone, do anything to occupy yourself,
You must force yourself outside, out in the fresh air,
I would love to talk to you,
 
you are young and you are beautiful
keep believing
look outside at what God has provided for us - the smallest to the greatest life and simple beauty of nature.

take time to help somebody - an act of kindness to a stranger will help you discovery you have strength and ability to get over this low phase and rise up to grow into full adult with chances to live your every dream

believe
 
I had some low periods when I was young, and also went from stellar grades to mediocre performance for a period. Then I bounced back.

In retrospect, I believe I bounced back because I did not let to of my faith. That means not missing Mass.

Circumstances developed that caused me to really want to succeed. Basically, I got brushed off by someone, and it drove me to want to succeed. However, I believe I reacted positively to those circumstances because I stayed in Church.

One other thing I am trying now as an antidote for negative circumstances, feelings, etc. is to just counter negativity with praise and thanksgiving. It is a demonstration of faith to thank and praise God when things are tough. And faith is what moves mountains.

So my current plan, is in addition to not missing mass, regular confession, daily time with God, is to counter negative events with praise / thanksgiving + taking small steps toward my goals.

I believe this formula: small steps + praise / thanksgiving will avoid excessive anxiety that can be paralyzing.

Also, getting a checkup is never a bad idea. Some diseases like depression or even infections like tick born illnesses can cause nonspecific symptoms that are treatable.

Good luck.
 
lovedance4ever said:
I don’t sleep anymore, and haven’t rested well for two or so months…four hours per night at best. I know I have written in the past about being depressed, but truthfully, I have never experienced anything this bad before. I spend every spare minute I have in my bedroom, and I am overcome by anxiety anytime I have to leave my home. My mother often sits with me in my room, and even spent the night last night, because I was inconsolable.

It comes down to the fact that I am incredibly lonely, and I see no future, no hope for myself in sight. Academically, I used to be at the top with a 4.0, and now I can barely comprehend what I am reading when I pick up a text book. And it is not that I don’t try; it almost feels like my brain has stopped functioning. I cannot believe, nor do I like what I have become.

I hate everything and everyone. I am a bitter and angry 21 year old woman who is perplexed as to why there is no apparent light at the end of my tunnel. The emotional grief I feel is incapacitating, and I am unable to turn off my thoughts. I worry incessantly that my life will never get any better and that I will die alone. Both of my parents were in their 40’s when I was born, and all I can think of is that when they pass on, I will have absolutely nothing. The only support system and unconditional love that I have will be gone, and then what? I have no friends, and a family that wouldn’t notice me if I was an alien pod person chanting Hare Krishna and spitting nickels.

To quote Dostoyevsky who stated it much better than I: “One circumstance tormented me then: Namely, that no one else was like me, and I was like no one else. I am only one, and they are all.”

And where is God in all of this? It is becoming increasingly difficult to attend Mass, though I still try to pray. I haven’t stopped believing in Him, but I feel He has abandoned me.

Please pray for me. If you have any advice to offer regarding how to cope, I’d greatly appreciate it. I am seeing a counselor, and will continue to address these problems with her. I just need help with the spiritual end of things. Thanks.
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Counseling is good, but are you on any medications? Can you ask your psychologist to give you a referral to a psychiatrist to see if medication might benefit?

If you are on meds, keep going back till the medication, and dosage, are right for you.
 
As to the sleep issue, that needs to get under control. Have you gotten completely off all caffeine…and chocolate?

Depression has been known to cause insomnia, and insomnia, depression.

In the meantime, would you consider taking an over-the-counter sleep aid? Four hours is clearly not enough sleep, and you need to keep going till this is resolved.

You need your sleep if you are to have good mental and physical health.
 
Lately I’ve been in a depressive state myself. I’ve had clinical depression since the age of 7. I’m now 52. Some days are better than others, but the bad days always seem so dark. I am in counseling and on meds. Just about the time I think I have it all together, something throws me for a loop. Sometimes I know the reason, even though it may seem like a minor thing. So many people don’t understand this. I’ve even been accused of trying to manipulate others. Which is totally unfair. Depression is what it is. Don’t try to go through it alone. Contact a doctor, and if one doesn’t help, try another one. Not all doctors are the same, and someone might work for another but not for you. I mean, keep trying until you find the right combination of doctor and medication that works for you. Perhaps even try a group of people with similarities for support. Go through NAMI if necessary. But never give up. Even if it is the blackest of nights for you, don’t give up.
 
As meltzerboy pointed out, you seem to be exhibiting all the signs of clinical depression. Don’t try to tough this out on your own–you need psychiatric help. I have bipolar disorder and have been where you are. You need to be on some form of medication. Please get in touch with a psychiatrist and explain your situation. I will be praying to St. Gemma Galgani and St. Dymphna for you. Remember the prayer warriors are always here to help you too :grouphug:
 
Remember others have gone through this and gotten over it through help from counselors and prayer, etc. You are not alone. Not getting sleep will just make it worse though. A psychiatrist can prescribe meds to calm your mind. Your negative thoughts are taking you over and most are just lies you are telling yourself.

I got into a support group and it helped me tremendously since you have others that are experiencing the same things to talk to. They understand and that really helps.
 
lovedance4ever said:
I don’t sleep anymore, and haven’t rested well for two or so months…four hours per night at best. I know I have written in the past about being depressed, but truthfully, I have never experienced anything this bad before. I spend every spare minute I have in my bedroom, and I am overcome by anxiety anytime I have to leave my home. My mother often sits with me in my room, and even spent the night last night, because I was inconsolable.

It comes down to the fact that I am incredibly lonely, and I see no future, no hope for myself in sight. Academically, I used to be at the top with a 4.0, and now I can barely comprehend what I am reading when I pick up a text book. And it is not that I don’t try; it almost feels like my brain has stopped functioning. I cannot believe, nor do I like what I have become.

I hate everything and everyone. I am a bitter and angry 21 year old woman who is perplexed as to why there is no apparent light at the end of my tunnel. The emotional grief I feel is incapacitating, and I am unable to turn off my thoughts. I worry incessantly that my life will never get any better and that I will die alone. Both of my parents were in their 40’s when I was born, and all I can think of is that when they pass on, I will have absolutely nothing. The only support system and unconditional love that I have will be gone, and then what? I have no friends, and a family that wouldn’t notice me if I was an alien pod person chanting Hare Krishna and spitting nickels.

To quote Dostoyevsky who stated it much better than I: “One circumstance tormented me then: Namely, that no one else was like me, and I was like no one else. I am only one, and they are all.”

And where is God in all of this? It is becoming increasingly difficult to attend Mass, though I still try to pray. I haven’t stopped believing in Him, but I feel He has abandoned me.

Please pray for me. If you have any advice to offer regarding how to cope, I’d greatly appreciate it. I am seeing a counselor, and will continue to address these problems with her. I just need help with the spiritual end of things. Thanks.
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Get yourself to a doctor (a real doctor, not a naturopath or chiropractor) and get tested and diagnosed. I agree with others that you have many of the symptoms of clinical depression.

Keep in mind that clinical depression is due in major part to a chemical imbalance in the body. It’s a DISEASE, and it won’t get better unless it’s treated.

Also keep in mind that one of the outcomes of clinical depression is suicide.

PLEASE get to a doctor. Have someone else bring you if you don’t have the energy to do it. Get help for your disease. My husband is an example of someone who has been diagnosed and treated for clinical depression. You can get better, too. Call today and make the appointment.
 
A good friend of mine has gone through this … did not get better until he finally went into a full checkup and his doctors came up with a treatment plan. It did require mods over time so it isn’t an instant panacea, but it’s better than doing nothing. So that would be my advice. It may be worth checking out your diet as well.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Please pray for me. If you have any advice to offer regarding how to cope, I’d greatly appreciate it. I am seeing a counselor, and will continue to address these problems with her. I just need help with the spiritual end of things. Thanks.
Click to expand...
21 is one of those ages like the early 40’s where natural transitions in life are going on and they can so traumatic and debilitating, ld4ever. There is an overwhelming feeling that “the sadness will never end”. It does.

I’m glad you are seeing a counsellor. I have a 22 year old son going through a similar time. I have sticky taped a copy of Psalm 121 to the back of our bathroom door so that everyone gets a chance to take it in each day. I can recite it by heart now and whenever I feel the weight of life it comes to my heart unbidden. “I lift up my eyes to the mountains… where does my help come from?.. my help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth…He will not let your foot slip… he who watches over you will not slumber; etc”

Print it out and learn it by heart. It’s a really soothing psalm.

God bless.
 
meltzerboy said:
Judging by the description you provide about your behavior: lack of good sleep, confinement to your room, inability to concentrate, it seems to me you have many of the classic signs of major depression. I would advise you to seek clinical psychological help apart from your counselor as soon as possible, together with your parents if they are willing to accompany you.
Click to expand...
Yes, I agree, Please get help. You are suffering from major depression. It can feel like you are in a dark room with no windows but you can get better. I know there are a number of books written by people who have overcome depression. Perhaps it would help to read some of them.
 
I don’t think this is related to clinical depression as there appears to be a clear agenda for your fear. However you probably shouldn’t rule this out completely.

I went through a very similar thing although at a later stage in life. I had no joy, no real peace and the lingering feeling that nothing I did really mattered. The nights were the worst, you just sit there in a state of panic until daylight comes and if you’re lucky you get a few hours of sleep before you have to wake up again. You think about every little thing and it adds to your anxiety. Your energy is drained and you get hardly any useful work done during the day. The people around you seem to have a special talent for annoying you especially those you don’t get along with. Going to mass is difficult especially during the peace offering.
I think it is worse for intellectual people who naturally try to analyse the future given present circumstances. By the way I don’t think you have lost your intellect, it will kick in again when you solve this fundamental problem that is bothering you. Being only 21 you have a much better chance of this than I did.

Strangely enough it was the Catholic church and my one remaining thread of faith that pulled me out of this. To be specific it was a couple of good priests and a group of nuns who went out of their way to hand me my life back. Before they could do this however, I had to take that difficult first step in seeking their help. Since then the details of my everyday life haven’t really changed. I am still in the same job and still single but I am happy now. I see things in a different light which has helped greatly with my relationships with others.

If any of this has been of some comfort to you then please do not hesitate to contact me for further details or just for a chat. I feel that God has gone out of His way to help me and I now have the duty to help others going through similar problems. I will be praying for your recovery.
 
Email me it’s easier to talk through emails lindsey8422@gmail.com
I’ve been through a lot through out my life with anxiety depression and can tell you what’s helped me.
 
You need the help of a medical professional because you seem to be suffering from a chemical imbalance. You’re ill, and it’s not your fault, but you do need the proper treatment. This forum can’t talk you through it. The most anyone here can do is try convince you to seek actual treatment from a licensed professional.
 
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