Desperately need help

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JessieMosley

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I desperately need guidance. I have been involved in terrible things. It was my decision and I’ve been involved for a long time, and it has become nearly a compulsion now. I need help. I want to go to Confession for it, but I’m afraid to.
The sin involves pornography and unchasity as well, but upon reading a guide to Confession I say that it would connect to other sins as well, and then I head the good men on Catholic Answers Live talk about like, if a sin overlaps other sins it has to be specified or something like that. I am terrified though, because these sins are terrible and embarrasing. I am scared to go to Confession over it. So I was wondering, how detailed does it have to be? I am married, now I have a child as well, and I’ve read and listened to people talk about this, but I have not got the answer I’ve really needed. They talked about specific kinds of sins and the number of times. Well I couldn’t count the number of times, but the kind of sin, would that just mean, sin against chasity? The sin of pornography? Do I have to say what the pornography involved? That’s where I get really scared at. Do I have to be specific in what was in the pornography?
 
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You don’t have to spill it all off at once. Just name the sins and then see if the priest will ask for details. Most likely he won’t.
You know some modern Christians sages say that while we listen to modern music and watch movies filled with all that haunts you as sin we are as guilty as you even if we don’t do it. And most of us don’t even confess it because we don’t think it’s wrong since we don’t do it with our bodies… just our minds and hearts and maybe souls?
The world is full of sinners with your sins. Please don’t feel beneath anyone and lost in shame for what you did. Just state the sins as you recognize them. And believe in what the priest replies. And the canon he gives you and then absolution.
God bless!
 
Thank you Mary888! I’m glad I got a response before going to Confession because I know I’m going, I just needed to know how to go I suppose. God is an amazing Healer, and I pray that we all, as faithful Catholic Christians, grow and realize we are never alone. The Church, and God especially, doesn’t demand that we here on earth, be perfect. Only that we grow in Truth and Righteousness.
 
No, you do not need to be specific as to what was in the porn, neither do you need to give an exact number. Simply specifying what the sin was in kind, and an estimate of how many times or simply saying “a few times” or “many many times” is sufficient.

The whole reason you have to give a number anyways is not because God forgot and needs to be reminded - it’s so the Confessor can get a better idea of how to council you and what an appropriate penance is to give.

You don’t have to say “I viewed tentacle porn videos 548 times”…

You can simply say “viewing pornography many, perhaps hundreds, of times”.

You also don’t need to say “I masturbated and hooked up jumper cables to my nipples 15 times”.

A simple “Masturbation and perverse acts, over a dozen times” will do just fine.
 
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You might get various opinions on this. If you participated in the creation of the porn, you should mention that. If what you made was illegal, you should mention that. You don’t necessarily have to get into specific acts, though the more you tell the better it is for you. Not confessing anything won’t do you or anyone else any good.

I have on occasion, felt that I needed to add details that I left out of the confession, and then mentioned it in another. You can tell the priest right off the bat you have sins you wish to confess, but you are really ashamed, and he might make some helpful suggestions for your use right then and there. Not trying anything will not accomplish anything.

If it helps, you can go out of town, or you can stay behind the screen. The priest doesn’t usually need to hear the nitty gritty details. If the acts are criminal for example, you can say that, again without going into a lot of detail. The priests are not dumb. If I were a priest, I am not sure that I would want to hear the details, but he will listen if you want to tell him. God and his Mother assists during confessions. Also remember Priests have heard it all.

I confessed something once I was very embarrassed of and the priest simply said he had heard a lot worse. I think you should keep in mind, especially with sexual sins and habits, that the work is not done when you leave the confessional. Horrible sins are like infected sores. The confession acts to drain all the poison of the sin/sore, but medicine needs to be applied. The fact that you have a new slate, will make you feel OH so much better, and even greatly reduce the lure of doing it again, but you must act by applying spiritual medicine.

This involves prayer, a new dedication that you need to commit to purity. These are some examples and suggestions:

-Getting rid of any materials around your house that even remotely represent a temptation
-Joining confraternities such as the angelic warfare confraternity.
-Consecrating yourself to Christ through his mother, using the method of Saint Montfort for example.
-Consider using covenant eyes software.
-Short daily scriptural readings
-The Rosary
-Go to confession for a while, once a week or twice a month, remembering during your week, that anything you do, you will have to face a priest and confess at some point. Every time you go to confession, you receive graces.
-When temptation comes asking that very second for Mary, the Queen of Heaven to help.
-a light fast every Friday.
-Praying for your victims if any.
-Pray the Angelus three times a day.
-Counseling if you need it, medication if you need it.
-Penance, so some small labor or make some small sacrifice in reparation for your sins, and those of the whole world.
-Recognize and admit who you are and what are at that moment, [Porn addict etc] and then work to treat that every day. Pick up that cross, and follow the Lord.
-Go to the Marian Helpers website, and for 7.00 you can have a mass said in your name every day for a year.
 
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Our Lady has said even the worst most hardened sinners can return to the fold, they just need to confess and turn over a new life. Pray every day, that God brings you closer to him with each passing day. Read, read, read and pray.

I will be praying for you.
 
Embarrassed by your sins? All the more reason to go and confess! It probably won’t immediately cause you to stop, sins like you speak of are a large part compulsion, but it will help. Remember confession is not a one shot only, if you backslide, go and ask for Jesus to forgive again!! Confessing will also show you you aren’t alone, the priest can advise you, maybe even direct you to professional help if need be . I really hope you can change your ways and be at peace, may He be praised forever
 
2towers said:
If you participated in the creation of the porn, you should mention that. If what you made was illegal, you should mention that.
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Yes.

And in those cases you would say something like “creation of pornographic material, a few dozen times” or “participation in the distribution of illegal pornographic material, twice”
 
You don’t need to be super specific.
Just say if you watched hypnosis pornography or something, mention you also did hypnosis, as hypnosis without reason is sinful I believe.
You can just say “vile, disgusting, perverted” if it’s something like gay or (God have mercy) involved any children.
If the porn was linked with acts against chastity in the real world, mention those.

If they ask for specifics, give it.

There’s no need to be afraid.
More than likely, the priest won’t be able to see you.
And if he can, then you have extra accountability and won’t want to keep sinning.
Either way, the priest is under a strict seal that means he can’t tell any other person on Earth what your sins were. So, no need to be afraid. It is highly plausible that the priest has already heard many similar or even worse sins before.

You’ve already been given great advice. Know that God grants Grace so quickly if you just ask. Rosary is a powerful prayer. I suppose if I had to add, make sure to mentally pray to God, in your own words. If you’re tempted, think of Christ crucified.
 
Please don’t ever be afraid to go to confession. Always remember that Jesus already knows what your sins are, and when you go into the confessional you are there to tell Him how sorry you are. After you start let the priest guide you if need be, explain to him exactly what you said here Now is the perfect time to go, right before Christmas. You are a child of God, you are in His house, He will never forsake or abandon you. I remember something a priest told me years ago when I was a child, I was afraid to go into the confessional , Father said, after you say 'bless me father for I have sinned" know that Jesus is in there with the priest and never be afraid again, I wasn’t…I promise you will get through this, and you will feel wonderful when you step out of that box, Will remember you and your family at Mass tomorrow, have a Blessed Christmas God Bless you.🦋🦋
 
If there is a Benedictine monastery nearby, I would speak to a priest there. The abbot will appoint one or more priests to provide spiritual assistance. They are great listeners, and do not judge. They know we all have our dark side. They can provide excellent advice (best marital counselling I ever had was from a celibate monk… he literally saved our marriage). They can, if you want, become your spiritual director, which is something quite distinct from confession. And of course if urgently needed, they can hear your confession. Don’t worry, they’ve heard it all.

For myself, I find a regular prayer life is a great help when my dark side tries to pull me down. For me, it’s the Liturgy of the Hours.
 
Don’t hesitate. I recommend that you go to your nearest Catholic church and make an appointment to go to confession as soon as possible.
If you have compulsions do not be afraid. You may have to go to confession often. That is ok. Remember, the mercy of Jesus is greater than the whole of our failings.
 
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