Detail in Confessions About Lust

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Hello,

So, I usually like to have an answer for any of my friends, Catholic or non-Catholic, in regard to the faith. But, unfortunately, today I found myself in a situation where I didn’t really know how to answer my friend’s question. The question was about lust and a bit graphic, so bear with me:

He asked me about how detailed he needs to explain his lustful sins in Confession. So, he particularly named masturbation/pornography and asked if he needed to confess the type of pornography along. He asked about being impure with himself in other ways, as well. Does he have to explicitly say what he did or can he just state that he was impure with himself and name the number of times? Also, with others? Does he have to explicitly explain if there is no “proper” way of saying the action? Or can he just say impurity with another person who is not his spouse?

I thought maybe the answer to these questions could benefit many people, including myself. So, looking forward to your answers. I really want to get back to him and give him a good, solid Catholic answer to his questions. And I’m counting on you all!

Sincerely in Christ,
Balkus
 
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Be brief “I have sinned against chastity X times”.

The priest will ask for more details if he needs them.
 
Well I’m sure it’s different in the West but in the East we do not focus on the exact type of sin (like distinguishing different kinds of pornography and what not), for it is enough to just state that you sinned in that area and to be truly sorry for your sins. If one has true contrition (genuinely, genuinely feeling sorry for your sins) and is confessing from the heart, then one need not get into minute details or the exact number of times they sinned, it is enough to just state the sin and ask for forgiveness. If one comes to confession “beating his chest” and sincerely desiring absolution, then God will not deny the penitent. In the East we don’t see God as a policeman. He is a righteous Judge no doubt, but not a policeman. He cares about your heart, not whether you confessed that you sinned 35 times when really it was 36. This is the Eastern understanding.

I am not sure about the West, but I do know that it is a little bit different. I will say that when I focus on the details too much then I end up beating myself up too hard and I lose heart. I believe that it’s enough to be genuinely contrite and to name the sin in a general manner rather than getting extremely nitty gritty. You may get a little specific on some things but it doesn’t have to be exact. Others may have a different view though. Thank you and God bless.
 
@TheLittleLady hit the nail squarely on the head. Be brief, be bold, be gone. If the priest needs more information, he will ask.
 
If you’re thinking about how much detail to go into, you’re likely going into too much detail. State your sins (think bullet points - or like the text messages/tweets used to be - character limits lol) Let the priest ask questions.
 
You will feel a fuller sense of both contrition and freedom if you provide as many details as possible. Sugarcoating around the sin dilutes the impact of vocalizing what you actually did.

Saying “I sinned against the 6th commandment” or “I was impure with myself” doesnt’ carry the weight of
“I viewed pornography and masturbated.”

Maybe think of it this way: if a woman has an abortion, what communicates the severity of this sin? “I sinned against the 5th commandment.” No. “I took another life.” Not really. “I had an abortion.” Yes, for these words detail the actual sin committed.

Just let it all out in confession. You’re already in there. That’s what the priest is for. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to say some sins in more detail, but there is a healthy sense of shame in doing so. By taking the “easy way out” and kind of half-heartedly confessing the sin, one can be more apt to commit the same sin because there is not much sense of shame in confessing them again. The discomfort one feels in saying certain things in confession should be seen as a warning, a mechanism to avoid the temptation to sin.
 
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Masturbation, pornography, fornication, are perfectly fine and short words which describe specific sins without going into detail. Just name the sin. No need to tell a story or be evasive.
 
A fair number of people use obvious euphemisms - such as “I was impure with myself”, while other just name it directly, but either way is fine. Priests have heard it more than enough times to know what’s being referred without needing to go into the gory details.
 
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