Detraction Question

[vexillaregis]

For the past six months, I have been under the employ of a person who badly mistreats his employees, including myself. This man would invade his workers’ privacy, say callous things about others to me (and, I later learned, about me to the other works when I wasn’t around), and would communicate via e-mail with harassing messages on a routine basis. Finally, upon the advice of a friend, I confronted my employer and told him that I would be leaving the job due to his temperament, becoming emotional in the exchange as I recounted specific times he deeply offended me after he asked me why I was leaving.

I also went to confession after I decided to quit because I believed I had, in recent days, especially detracted my boss’ name by talking in detail with emotions running high about the injustices that occurred in the workplace. I am someone who has a difficult time keeping his mouth closed about certain matters, especially damaging gossip. Yet here, I can honestly say that my intent was never to destroy the man’s reputation for the fun of it. I felt legitimately hurt by his repeated actions – which were unquestionably objectively wrong and hurtful – and simply wanted to talk to others about the pain I was feeling to “let off steam” more than anything else. I understand that, ultimately, I have no right to a peaceful existence, but I suppose I lacked the courage to endure this pain without telling others about it.

I guess my question is where to draw the line in situations like this one when it comes to the sin of detraction. If people ask me about working for this man, and they are already well aware of his bad reputation, am I free to share with them why I quit? Obviously, for people who think highly of this person, I would not freely announce his transgressions.

Thanks!

 

[MS_SURVEYOR]

**Matthew 5:43-48
**
Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I know! It’s hard!

 

[Zekariya]

For the past six months, I have been under the employ of a person who badly mistreats his employees, including myself. This man would invade his workers’ privacy, say callous things about others to me (and, I later learned, about me to the other works when I wasn’t around), and would communicate via e-mail with harassing messages on a routine basis. Finally, upon the advice of a friend, I confronted my employer and told him that I would be leaving the job due to his temperament, becoming emotional in the exchange as I recounted specific times he deeply offended me after he asked me why I was leaving.

I also went to confession after I decided to quit because I believed I had, in recent days, especially detracted my boss’ name by talking in detail with emotions running high about the injustices that occurred in the workplace. I am someone who has a difficult time keeping his mouth closed about certain matters, especially damaging gossip. Yet here, I can honestly say that my intent was never to destroy the man’s reputation for the fun of it. I felt legitimately hurt by his repeated actions – which were unquestionably objectively wrong and hurtful – and simply wanted to talk to others about the pain I was feeling to “let off steam” more than anything else. I understand that, ultimately, I have no right to a peaceful existence, but I suppose I lacked the courage to endure this pain without telling others about it.

I guess my question is where to draw the line in situations like this one when it comes to the sin of detraction. If people ask me about working for this man, and they are already well aware of his bad reputation, am I free to share with them why I quit? Obviously, for people who think highly of this person, I would not freely announce his transgressions.

Thanks!

You are not gossiping if you are talking to the person’s authority figure about wrongs committed against yourself. However, if you are talking to co-workers about it, that would be gossip.

 

[vexillaregis]

I know I must love him, as profoundly difficult as that is for me to accept. And I do, for he is a child “imago Dei”. I also understand that I must work hard not to say negative things about him, but I was hoping we could analyze the nuance of (a) defiling another’s name out of spite, and (b) defiling another’s name, without really intending to do so, as a means of healing from the situation. I understand I was clumsy in my efforts at self-healing by telling various people who had no business knowing (which at least resembles gossip), but I feel there is still a distinction to be drawn here, and I would appreciate if someone could shed some light.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

For the past six months, I have been under the employ of a person who badly mistreats his employees, including myself. This man would invade his workers’ privacy, say callous things about others to me (and, I later learned, about me to the other works when I wasn’t around), and would communicate via e-mail with harassing messages on a routine basis. Finally, upon the advice of a friend, I confronted my employer and told him that I would be leaving the job due to his temperament, becoming emotional in the exchange as I recounted specific times he deeply offended me after he asked me why I was leaving.

I also went to confession after I decided to quit because I believed I had, in recent days, especially detracted my boss’ name by talking in detail with emotions running high about the injustices that occurred in the workplace. I am someone who has a difficult time keeping his mouth closed about certain matters, especially damaging gossip. Yet here, I can honestly say that my intent was never to destroy the man’s reputation for the fun of it. I felt legitimately hurt by his repeated actions – which were unquestionably objectively wrong and hurtful – and simply wanted to talk to others about the pain I was feeling to “let off steam” more than anything else. I understand that, ultimately, I have no right to a peaceful existence, but I suppose I lacked the courage to endure this pain without telling others about it.

I guess my question is where to draw the line in situations like this one when it comes to the sin of detraction. If people ask me about working for this man, and they are already well aware of his bad reputation, am I free to share with them why I quit? Obviously, for people who think highly of this person, I would not freely announce his transgressions.

Thanks!

MS Surveyor is getting into the point. It is hard to forgive but it is the way.
Nevertheless, Christians forgive but should never forget. Christians forgive but should not be stupid.
One thing is not to keep hate inside your heart, another thing is to get deceived by others and not to defend one’s own rights.
It is not gossip to tell a friend that such and such persons have those faults. But remember, if you do not get along with that boss, maybe your friend will have no trouble dealing with his shortcomings.

So, it is complex. Human relations are not easy and they are not a matter of black and white of sin or not sin.
It is complex…

 

[Corki]

This is what the Cathechism says about detraction.

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;

• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279

• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

If you have a valid reason to share your experience, you should do so truthfully. Withholding this has nothing to do with whether you have forgiven you former boss or not. Of course, it is hard to determine what makes a “valid reason”. If for example, someone interested in working for that company asks you about your experience, it would probably be valid to truthfully share your experience. If someone is simply curious, it might be better to just say that the position wasn’t right for you.

 

[MS_SURVEYOR]

This is the most hardest commandment for me to live by. It’s not of my nature. Jesus knew that most if not all fall short. I’ve gotten better at it. I still have my moments. I’ve asked myself many times what to do? How to handle situations? What would Jesus want me to do? It’s not easy! It’s as thou Satan creates situations just like this to tempt me. Well I’m not Jesus dealing with the Pharisees. So for me it’s better to keep my thoughts to myself, and my mouth shut. Then ask for guidance in a prayer. Then for forgiveness. We’re not responsible for others action. But we are judged by ours.

I still fall short.

May the Holy Spirit fill your Heart with Love.

ms