Devil’s in the Details

[XJ9]

Confession can be an embarrassing experience.

As long as one is not hiding the sin, is it sacrilegious to say things a different way to make it less embarassing? Here are a couple of examples of what I mean:

I got drunk and wet the bed. vs. I’ve gotten drunk.

I drew a man’s privates on my locker. vs. I vandalized school property.

I masturbated 20 times last week. vs. I masturbated several times last week.

(For the record, these are not examples of things I myself have done.)

 

[po18guy]

All sin is embarrassing. It is an affront to God and, since sin is the only thing that separates us from Him. Thus, a full and complete renunciation of that sin, as well as complete confession as to number and type, is not only required, but fitting. However, if there is a common element to your sin (all relating to covetousness, or sexuality for example), it is good to mention that as it will help Father (not a mind reader) to give better spiritual advice.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Being general without extra unnecessary details helps things move along faster.

In the first example the wetting the bed has absolutely no relevance to the priest. In the last, counting seems a bit over the top and perhaps could lead one to mistakenly be in error.

As far as the middle example–that’s trickier. I would say that perhaps you vandalized school property in a vulgar way would be most appropriate. The details of the vulgar vandalism are not really needed.

 

[Elf01]

It depends on if it changed the context of the sin. In your specific examples:

I got drunk and wet the bed. vs. I’ve gotten drunk.

That one is fine. Wetting the bed is not a sin.

I drew a man’s privates on my locker. vs. I vandalized school property.

This one is different. I think the image does change the sin enough that vandalism would not cover it. However you could say something like an impure image rather than what exactly you drew.

I masturbated 20 times last week. vs. I masturbated several times last week.

I’m not sure on the numbers thing. I was never told number and kind, but that seems to be what is said here so I will let someone else deal with that.

 

[KatyCatholic]

For reconciliation, we are to do a bit of reflection and figure out what we truly are sorry for in our heart of hearts. Also, if we have a good prayer life, we are most likely having daily reflections and collecting our goods and bads. I’d like to think that each day is an opportunity to make Acts of Contrition and then when it comes a typical Saturday afternoon confession time, it’s the time to formalize and actualize the Acts we’ve been making since our last confession.

My advice would simply be this, God knows more of what’s in your heart than what you’d might be willing to admit, that’s the true wonder, power, and merciful mystery that is confession. If you know what’s in your heart and God knows what’s in your heart, the Priest just needs to know something about what sin is on your soul to make a general judgement … maybe from a perspective, he needs to know just enough to be able to determine to either Forgive or Retain.

No matter what, Reconciliation is a wondrous Sacramental gift from God and however we use it, though imperfectly, as long as our intentions are pure and we have a desire, a willingness to admit wrong and that we can be better, we can get so much love and grace from this one Sacrament alone.

 

[XJ9]

Ahhhh, so it does depend.

I thought it was a bottom line issue.

I had the impression changing things to make them more palatable (read: less embarrassing) was deception—period. It seems one must judge case by case, though.

Guess it’s good I asked.

 

[Elf01]

I wouldn’t take my word as gospel but that is my assessment. If the details change the sin mention them, otherwise I don’t think you’d need to. In your first example I’d mention if the thing you’d done while drunk was driving. In your second I would not feel the need to give extra info if the thing you’d drawn was a tree. @katycatholic is right it really does depend on what’s in your heart. If you genuinely feel that you’ve given enough info I believe that you’d be forgiven just the same as if you genuinely forgotten something.

 

[NeedImprovement]

Code of Canon Law (CIC 1983):

Can. 988 §1. A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism and not yet remitted directly through the keys of the Church nor acknowledged in individual confession, of which the person has knowledge after diligent examination of conscience.

§2. It is recommended to the Christian faithful that they also confess venial sins.

As @po18guy says , “All sin is embarrassing.”

While that third example -

I masturbated 20 times last week. . . .

might initially seem a little difficult to get out in the confessional because of a perhaps more acute embarrassment factor , it could just as easily provide the advantage of helping a good confessor to assess where a penitent may be at in terms of habitual sins, compulsion, etc. These things , in turn can actually contribute to a confessor’s ability to provide better counsel to a penitent and to discern whether there may be any mitigation of the imputation of guilt.

 

[Joe_5859]

I’m not sure on the numbers thing. I was never told number and kind, but that seems to be what is said here so I will let someone else deal with that.

Canon law does ask us to list mortal sins by number and kind. Of course, the number can often be an estimate especially if it is a sin we commit frequently. I think it would be problematic, though, for a person to deliberately downplay the number solely because they are embarrassed. It’s one thing to guesstimate or generalize in good faith. It’s another thing to be deliberately misleading in order to make yourself look better.

As @po18guy said, all sin is embarassing. Part of the grace of the sacrament for me is the opportunity to grow in humility by not trying to make myself look better than I really am.