Devout and soon to be divorced

[Jay417]

I am a devout Catholic. My Catholic identity is my source of joy and pride. I am being divorced through no fault of my own. My wife had an affair and moved in with the other man, She also secretly did birth control and never wanted kids. I have not once agreed to a divorce but it is happening.

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up because I am no longer worthy?

 

[Irishmom2]

Who says you are no longer worthy?

I think you should meet with your parish priest and discuss this. Divorced people are not unworthy.

 

[agnes_therese]

You don’t need to give up any. Talk to your pastor.

 

[Ignatius]

I am a devout Catholic. My Catholic identity is my source of joy and pride. I am being divorced through no fault of my own. My wife had an affair and moved in with the other man, She also secretly did birth control and never wanted kids. I have not once agreed to a divorce but it is happening.

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up because I am no longer worthy?

I would read up on annulments, this is a good starting place: shop.catholic.com/annulments-what-you-need-to-know.html

You don’t have to give up any ministries, divorce is not a problem. unless you attempt another marriage without an annulment.
If you’re wife was artificial contraception from the beginning , that may indicate that the required commitment to being open to life rendered the marriage null. Also, see if your parish has a consolation ministry for people in your situation, don’t be afraid to seek consolation and help. And, above all, stay close to Christ, He is our Hope and Consolation.

You are in our prayers.

 

[1ke]

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up

None.

because I am no longer worthy?

Jay, revelations of this sort and the kind of behavior your wife has engaged in take a big toll on your psyche and your confidence. Please talk to a counselor if you are having feelings of unworthiness.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up because I am no longer worthy?

Zero. You not only do not have to, but should not stop being active in any of the ministries you’re currently involved in.

You’re fine, it’s your wife who is no longer in good standing. You have done nothing wrong, you have lived out your Catholic identity faithfully and joyfully (from the sounds of it). The fact that your wife has chosen to reject God has no affect on your position within the Church or within God’s kingdom.

Keep going to mass, keep being involved in your parish’s ministries, and above all, keep praying for your wife. It may be hard to do, I’m sure the hurt and betrayal you feel seems insurmountable, but we are called to forgive everything because God has forgiven everything in us.

I also second all the recommendations that you see a counselor.

 

[The_Wizard]

Go out a purchase a copy of ***Annulment, the Wedding That Was: How the Church Declares a Marriage Null ***by Michael S. Foster.

 

[TemperanceOfGod]

You have done nothing wrong. A wrong was done to you.

You don’t have to give up on church activities at all. Hold your head high. You are worthy because God says you are worthy! Case closed.

I can understand all of the emotions you are feeling/going through. Ups and downs. Please seek a counselor and talk with your priest. The emotions you are going through are a normal response for someone who has been lied to, deceived, and more. I am so sorry you have to go through this, it is not your fault.

You are still in my prayers and rosary every night. :console:

 

[acadiANNA]

I am sorry about this life-changing situation you are going through. Please continue the work you have been doing in church ministry. Others need your help and it will help you as well to keep up normal activities. Praying for all you are going through. God bless you.

 

[DebChris]

God is close to the broken hearted.

Read the book of Hosea for consolation. Also the First Letter of John.
Your priest can direct you to a good counselor to help you through the grieving process.

 

[His_helpmeet]

I really feel for you. My DH was in a similar situation with his first wife - she had an affair and left him.

Divorce, in and of itself, is not wrong for you. The Church’s position is that a civil divorce does not end a marriage covenant, but it is not wrong for one to seek a civil divorce as a measure of protection in cases such as abuse, adultery, or abandonment. It would ONLY be problematic if you wanted to remarry without getting a declaration of nullity.

I strongly, strongly echo the others in encouraging you to consider approaching your priest to discuss a declaration of nullity. This is a statement from the Church that there was no valid marriage covenant in the first place. It does NOT deny that you had a relationship and a conjugal life; rather, it simply states that the nature of that relationship was not a valid marriage covenant. Many people find the nullity process very healing. A declaration of nullity also does NOT “end” the marriage; rather, it states that there were one or more reasons for the marriage not being valid in the first place (a couple that may apply here include not being open to children, and, possibly, not intending to be faithful).

Even if you don’t wish to remarry, the nullity process may still be very cathartic for you. There is a group on CAF for individuals who are seeking declarations of nullity, and there is an ongoing thread on the Family Life forum for those in this position as well. There is a member named Dan who is a canon lawyer and is a member of both groups; he is very well-informed on the nullity process and often provides advice to those confused about it. DH went through the nullity process and we have been sacramentally married for 2.5 years.

 

[Sunbreak]

Being divorced does not disqualify you from any ministries you are doing. The only thing that may disqualify you is if you remarried without and annulment.

 

[LSK]

I am a devout Catholic. My Catholic identity is my source of joy and pride. I am being divorced through no fault of my own. My wife had an affair and moved in with the other man, She also secretly did birth control and never wanted kids. I have not once agreed to a divorce but it is happening.

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up because I am no longer worthy?

YOU are not worthy? OF WHAT? For heaven’s sake, honey, I know you are hurting and I am so sorry but why would you think you are not worthy of being an active member of the Body of Christ?

If anything you have even more to offer now because you are suffering as Christ Jesus suffered - betrayal, rejection, scandal, hurt - you are being loved SO MUCH to be given such an amazing taste of His Suffering!

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I am a devout Catholic. My Catholic identity is my source of joy and pride. I am being divorced through no fault of my own. My wife had an affair and moved in with the other man, She also secretly did birth control and never wanted kids. I have not once agreed to a divorce but it is happening.

I am in nearly every ministry in my parish. How many will I have to give up because I am no longer worthy?

None, because the fact that you are going through a divorce through no fault of your own does not make you ‘no longer worthy’ to serve in Church.

 

[Ignatius]

Jay417, did this clear up your issues? I hope so. We are praying for you.