Dh read my prayer journal

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I said nothing of HIS MOTIVES
**
you said: “your DH’s lack of trust in you is what caused him to read the journal in the first place.” Sounds like you assigned a pretty clear motive.
**
C’mon, you know you are reading a person’s private thoughts – especially when you are reading a person’s writing, in a book, no matter what is on the cover.

No, what I know is that I am reading a person’s thoughts. It takes more than just knowing they are on paper, or in a book, or on a computer file, for me to judge them “private”. But I also assume that walking in on hubby while he is on the phone is not a violation of privacy…some people feel differently:shrug:

If you read all the way through you have violated the person’s privacy. When you are the violated you feel not only a lack of trust for the person who read your private thoughts, but you feel they don’t trust you.
**
Subjective feelings, not fact. All having to do with our own personal opinions, how we were raised etc. Just because the OP feels her husband has violated her privacy and broken her trust does not mean he intended that or feels the same way.**

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m not sure it’s all about trust, on her hubby’s part…I mean, it could be. For me, when I read my husband’s prayer request from our prayer jar years ago, it was totally just out of curiousity. It wasn’t a big deal to me, and not that he blew it into a major thing…my husband is not like that–but he made it known that he didn’t want others reading it, otherwise, he would have posted it on the frig. So, while it had nothing to do with trust on my part, it still bugged my dh. I think that we can all admit to feeling tempted to reading something we know we shouldn’t…now that it’s done and over with, the OP is just seeking some advice on what to do now. How does she trust again…or feel comfortable writing in her journal again, that’s all.

 

[mark_a]

So are you really saying that if your wife decided to keep a journal that she wished to remain private (outside of the bathroom) that you would not respect her wish?

Affirmative, not that I have the desire to read all her ramblings.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Affirmative, not that I have the desire to read all her ramblings.

**Wow, I didn’t want to jump to that conclusion but since you clarified… what a sad marriage you must have. Marriage is NOTHING without mutual love, respect, and trust.

I will pray for you and your family. Your wife and children especially since they have to live life with the man who is supposed to be their rock knowing that he would rather go on a power trip than trust and respect them.**

 

[mark_a]

I don’t think the op was hiding anything by keeping a prayer journal. For example, I don’t run out from the bedroom after I’m done praying to tell my husband…‘hey honey, want to hear every prayer I talked about tonight with God?’ My dh and I are open books to one another, but he doesn’t know every thought I’m having during my day…nor do I know his. That would be odd if we couldn’t have any private thoughts between ourselves and God. A prayer journal is just that–a notebook of sorts to just jot down prayer type thoughts to God…it’s not so much in hiding anything, but every thought and prayer to God that we have doesn’t need to be discussed or conveyed to our spouses. That’s how I think the OP meant her prayer journal to be–not something she hid from her husband, but she was just surprised to have someone other than her reading her conversations, if you will, between her and God…

That’s all…

I see. As I stated above, I have no desire to read, investigate, snoop, whatever, every little detail of everyone’s life.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

the OP is just seeking some advice on what to do now. How does she trust again…or feel comfortable writing in her journal again, that’s all.

**
By talking with her hubby. Only she can assess his motives and feelings. Bottom line is that if she lets him know just how violated she feels, will he respect that even if he doesn’t share the same point of view? If she can trust her hubby to respect feelings and wishes that she has made known then she should be able to let this go… if she can’t then there are other issues (either with him, with her, or with their marriage). Again, only something they can work on because we are not in their heads:thumbsup:**

 

[whatevergirl]

I see. As I stated above, I have no desire to read, investigate, snoop, whatever, every little detail of everyone’s life.

ok–me neither.

So you’re more saying that if your wife kept a journal, you might glance at it now and again, if it were left out somewhere? I would imagine that if a person didn’t care if others read his/her diaries, he/she would keep it out in the open.

I don’t keep journals, because mine was read by my sister when I was a teenager…and I kept it hidden. So, from then on, I just would rather not keep one.

I guess it’s hard to regain trust…that was over 20 years ago!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I see. As I stated above, I have no desire to read, investigate, snoop, whatever, every little detail of everyone’s life.

But if you did have the desire then you would? It’s all about you? Kind of like a bully. “I could hit you if I wanted to, but I don’t feel like it…for now”…

 

[whatevergirl]

**
By talking with her hubby. Only she can assess his motives and feelings. Bottom line is that if she lets him know just how violated she feels, will he respect that even if he doesn’t share the same point of view? If she can trust her hubby to respect feelings and wishes that she has made known then she should be able to let this go… if she can’t then there are other issues (either with him, with her, or with their marriage). Again, only something they can work on because we are not in their heads:thumbsup:**

That’s right!

 

[mark_a]

Wow that is just awful. Thank God my husband would never be so disrespectful. I keep journals, writings ect that he knows are deeply personal to me and he wouldn’t dream of invading my privacy. It’s not like I’m hiding some awful secret. Their just personal thoughts.This is my house too -and I deserve privacy in my own house. Above all that my husband trusts me completely so there would be no need for insecure prying.

In our house the door swings both ways.

After re-reading my own post, I wasn’t clear that my tyranny extends mostly to my kids. I have no desire to actually know every detail of my wife’s life. I probably have to hear more than I like.

However, if I need $20 I will root around in her purse until I find it. Including all the hidden compartments.

 

[mark_a]

But if you did have the desire then you would? It’s all about you? Kind of like a bully. “I could hit you if I wanted to, but I don’t feel like it…for now”…

Well, since you put it that way, yes that’s what I mean. I’m usually on the receiving end of the physical blows, though.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

However, if I need $20 I will root around in her purse until I find it. Including all the hidden compartments.

**Which, if that is fine with her, is perfectly normal/ok. But what would you do if she asked you not to root around in her purse? That will be the telling answer…

And as for your “tyranny” over your children, it is just as important to build trust with them and respect them. That doesn’t mean them having a “right” to privacy in your home, just a right to know their father is a reasonable man who will only go through their stuff with a moral motive. You admitted earlier that if they are going to hide stuff from you that they better learn to hide it well… not quite an appropriate message. But hopefully we are really misunderstanding you.
**

 

[mark_a]

Which, if that is fine with her, is perfectly normal/ok. But what would you do if she asked you not to root around in her purse? That will be the telling answer…

---

She would learn to keep her money somewhere else.

**

And as for your “tyranny” over your children, it is just as important to build trust with them and respect them. That doesn’t mean them having a “right” to privacy in your home, just a right to know their father is a reasonable man who will only go through their stuff with a moral motive. You admitted earlier that if they are going to hide stuff from you that they better learn to hide it well… not quite an appropriate message. But hopefully we are really misunderstanding you.

**
I’m coming off a lot harsher than I really am. In fact, I’m known as “Mr. Oblivious” around here.

I do, however, “reserve the right. . . .”

 

[maggie2]

Wow - this has turned into somewhat of a debate! That’s fine with me though, but I"m going to bow out of this after this post and you can all discuss it further if you’d like

I do feel that dh read my journal out of sheer curiosity - I never even once had thought that it was because he didn’t trust me. It’s funny because it honestly didn’t even cross my mind.

I was thinking that perhaps the way I can get past this once and for all is to just give the journal to him and willingly share it with him. So I think that’s what I’ll do. Sort of like when somebody steals something from you, if you just surrender what ever it was that was taken, and willingly give it to them, it’s a great way to heal and forgive.

Thanks to you all for helping me work through this!

 

[MCGar]

Maggie, what a great conclusion! I think that is the way to go.

I didn’t comment earlier because I sort of come from a completely different perspective. So I wouldn’t know how to advise you in forgiving him for this.

In my perspective, I truly want my fiance to read my journals…if I ever get around to writing some. He also has journaled and actually giving to me as a present his travel journal from when he went to Europe.

I think I understand you feel violated even if he did not intend to be nosy. Maybe a way to heal would be to tear down a wall that you put up around your writing. Obviously you might edit yourself a little more in your writing, but then again it might give you time to really think about what you write and how you want to communicate.
But I also advise not to be afraid to show your vulnerable spots in your writings.

I share verbally with my fiance my vulnerabilities and embarrassing thoughts and in return I feel so much more confident in who I am because he’ll not only share his but will alway understand or try to understand where I’m coming from.

So this might be a really good growing experiance for your marriage.

I do want to mention that I notice you keep on going back to the first page of your journal that denotes it is a prayer journal. I can tell it irks you that he kept on reading after that. In my position I would have kept on reading my fiance’s journal because I wouldn’t automatically assume that was private.
So maybe your hubby didn’t really think to assume it was private until after a few pages. Sometimes people don’t really think about what they are doing as they are doing it and it takes a little bit for it to register in their minds that they might want to stop and ask.

 

[rayne89]

In our house the door swings both ways.

After re-reading my own post, I wasn’t clear that my tyranny extends mostly to my kids. I have no desire to actually know every detail of my wife’s life. I probably have to hear more than I like.

However, if I need $20 I will root around in her purse until I find it. Including all the hidden compartments.

If my husband needs some extra money he asks me “hon, do have some money I’m a little short right now.” And I go in my purse and get it for him or I’ll say go ahead take $20 out of my wallet. He doesn’t just help himself. And I wouldn’t do that him either -out of respect.

 

[mark_a]

If my husband needs some extra money he asks me “hon, do have some money I’m a little short right now.” And I go in my purse and get it for him or I’ll say go ahead take $20 out of my wallet. He doesn’t just help himself. And I wouldn’t do that him either -out of respect.

Believe it or not, I use the same approach. If she’s nowhere to be found, I do help myself and vice versa. She doesn’t mind because she knows I’m not taking it to buy lottery tickets or taking it to the strip club.

Anyways, your system sounds like it works well for you.

 

[Larowyn]

To put it bluntly, husbands and wives should have no secrets. That said, if you really really don’t want your spouse to read something, point out the book first and tell them what book it is so there’s no confusion.

 

[Miles_Mariae]

I do, however, “reserve the right. . . .”

And I think you should. The man of the household ought to protect his family, even if it comes to not respecting privacy.

Anyway, I like how some people immediately jumped from “I have the right” to “I go through everyone’s stuff all the time”.

 

[rayne89]

To put it bluntly, husbands and wives should have no secrets.

And to be clear I have never kept secrets. My husband knows everything, he knows I would never keep anything from him. He also respects that my personal writings are private. I would never feel the need to hide my writings because I know he would never even think to read something that was personal unless I gave him express permission to do so. I have fallen asleep with a notebook on the bed and he has simply put it away for me.

I do not think to OP’s husband was malicious or didn’t trust her. I think his curiosty got the best of him. It was the poster that said no one in his house should assume that he would respect others privacy that disturbed me. I am not a child that needs to be checked up on. I am an adult woman, and I have the right to privacy in my own home.