T
Teddyres
Guest
I have been living in a country of atheists. My worldly life has been not bad but I haven’t felt the real happiness and the peace deep in my heart and often felt anxious and tense. Those caused me a little Obsessive-compulsive neurosis (OCD) which made me even more upset. On June 2007, I accidentally got a Bible. I was 22 yrs old then. I read all the new testment, the first five books of old testment, the Psalms, and the Proverbs. I read without study guide or any help from other Christians as I couldn’t find any church. I felt so great on reading those scriptures although I could only understand a minor part of them which were easier for me. Then I believed in God and Jesus Christ, felt peace and happiness, and the OCD was gone. 4 months later I met a missionary of baptist church who taught me some basic concepts in Christianity like what salvation and heaven meant. And he told me that I was already secured for eternal life by the single prayer belief. In total I got 2 hours’ study of this religion from him. Then I didn’t learn anymore about the religion other than reading Bible. However I did attended very few services and fellowship with him but learnt little. Later when I was read Bible I found the concept of “salvation eliminates our sin nature” not realistic due to my poor knowledge of the whole story. I was wondering in my mind about that concept in the bible all the day along and messed up other things and didn’t care enough on other people. Then I could’t stand it and felt a little upset on keeping messing up things, so once someone asked me if I believed in Jesus, I told him, “no I don’t believe in Jesus”, since the sciptures was making me anxious and I don’t believe a true Bible should mean that. So I turned a atheist for a couple of days. A few days later I found that it was my mistake of ignorance of the definition of sin. I wanted to say sorry and repent to Jesus however someone said I committed the sin blasphemy of the holy spirit that was unforgivable. I believed in that also since I was like rejecting Jesus after I got saved in Protestant’s way. However in Catholic interpretation, technically I was not saved, so that my behavior was just the usual process of a new converted atheist and not Christian so the problem was not as severe as apostasy in Protestant’s way. Am I right in that for Protestants, I committed the unforgivable sin but for Catholics, I didn’t. I have been living in fear now and I don’t want to lose God and be hell bound before I even get a baptism. I’d really appreciate your hlep.