T
Teddyres
Guest
I have been living in a country of atheists. My life was not bad but I haven’t felt the real happiness and but rather anxiety and tension. Those caused me a little Obsessive-compulsive neurosis (OCD) which made me even more upset. On June 2007, I accidentally got a Bible. I was 22 yrs old then. I read all the new testment, the first five books of old testment, the Psalms, and the Proverbs. I read without study guide or any help from other Christians as I couldn’t find church or Chrisian. I felt so great on reading those scriptures although I could only understand a minor part of them that were easier for me. I believed in God and Jesus Christ then, felt peace and happiness, and the OCD was gone. 4 months later I met a missionary who told me some basic concepts in Christianity like what salvation and heaven meant. And he told me that I was already secured for eternal life by belief. In total I got 2 hours study of Christianity from him, besides a few services and fellowships where I learnt little. Then I didn’t learn anymore about the religion other than reading Bible. Later I found the concept of “salvation eliminates our sin nature” not realistic due to my poor knowledge of this religoin. I was wondering all day long about that concept in the bible and messed up other things and didn’t care enough for other ppl. Then I could’t stand it and felt upset on messing up things. So once someone asked me if I believed in Jesus, I told him, “no I don’t believe in Jesus”, since the sciptures was making me anxious and I don’t think a true religion should make people feel bad. A few days later I found that it was my mistake of ignorance of the defination of sin. I wanted to say sorry to Jesus and re-believe in him however someone said I committed the sin of blasphemy of the holy spirit that was unforgivable. I believed in that also since I was like rejecting Jesus when I got saved in Protestant’s way. However in Catholic way technically I was not saved, so my behavior was just as normal as a born atheist and not to be considered apostasy. Did I committ the unforgivable sin in Protestant’s way, in Catholic way? or both?