Did I do the right thing?

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Katherine438

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Approximately 17 years ago … when I still had a young daughter … my sister became engrossed in the New Age/Wicca movement … it seemed like the occult to me … she had an entire room in the back of her house redone so that she could have a place to put an altar to her new gods … which were statues of gargoyles and such … for months I had been dealing with it by not attacking her … but then I began to worry about her influence on my daughter, who was just about to make her confirmation … I asked her to please not discuss anything about her new religion to my daughter.

Well that didn’t work out very well … and my daughter, after visiting her cousin for an overnight at my sister’s house, came home with a book about astrology and how you can live your life around it. My husband, a new Catholic totally freaked out … and actually so did I. I told my sister that she could have no further contact with my daughter if I was not present … well that didn’t work out too well and within weeks the contact between us totally stopped.

It’s now 17 years, and I have written to her each year to try to find a way for there to be some kind of relationship between us, but I never get an answer … if I call her, she hangs up on me.

I guess I always wonder if I did the right thing back then … and also wonder if it would even be healthy for me to be involved with her … I happen to be aware that she is really totally into this new kind of religion that she follows now … to tell you the truth I don’t understand it much … I know she was shopping in New Age and Crystal stores a lot and that she really thought she was a witch of some kind … but it seemed occult-like to me with the altar and the gargoyles. She also had told me that she had “power” … and that her husband once went in her special room and a glass broke in his hand and he started bleeding … she thought the power in her room caused it.

Anyway, just wanted to know if I should give up finally on trying to reach out … because we are worlds apart … and she doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with her Catholic sister … you see I was studying to be a nun when I was younger … it didn’t work out … but I’m just bringing it up to let you know that she knows she can’t really discuss her new religion with me.
 
Absolutely. You set a reasonable boundary for your child, and she ignored it. As the parent here, you have every right to limit and set rules for contact with your children.
 
I agree that you did the very right thing. Maybe not perfect - like maybe you were “freaked out” instead of calm when you laid your boundaries, which is understandable. Just not the “perfect” way to do it. We are not perfect all the time, are we? You can apologize for anything wrong in your approach if that was so.

It sounds as if your sister thinks there is nothing wrong with her wiccan/new age spirituality and her paraphernalia, and since she thinks that, I guess she thinks you should think that? So she is offended that you are offended, and that you want to protect your daughter from it. If that is the case, what can you do? Your hands are tied because you cannot change her thinking.

You can pray for her regularly and systematically, putting her in Jesus’ hands through Mary. That is a great gift to your sister. She will be blessed.

Also besides apologizing if needed and expressing regret for the distance between you, you can tell her that you hope she can accept/respect that your beliefs are different from hers and that you will do likewise. (You don’t have to respect her beliefs but you can respect her right to believe anything she wants, including what you disagree with. In that way you are actually just respecting the gift of free will that God gave us.)

I also would not want to be in her home with her wiccan stuff but you can suggest a day in the park sometime maybe. Or something. Or not, if that won’t seem to work. Give her an option to decide with you what topics are appropriate and not appropriate conversation between you, and stick to the topics. You can also tell her you are not sending any more cards/notes since she does not answer, and this implies she does not want the cards and you don’t want to bother her. Oh, or you could ask her if the cards/notes bother her and ask if she would rather not receive them. That way you are showing her respect. The more of that you can do, the better. You can tell her you are always open to hearing from her when she is ready. And that you will forever love her as your sister. Maybe don’t say you are praying for her because that makes some people like this mad, if you haven’t discovered that already. This seems like it might be one of those cases. Just pray for her. (I am sure you do anyway).

Those Wiccan people are caught up in something - they don’t realize the net they are in. The evil ones like to keep giving them enticing gifts but then they rope them in tighter in their trap. The more you are in it the more rituals and spells you are obliged to do on a daily basis. It can become QUITE time consuming. One must justify all this time and involvement, because surely one’s conscious is saying, “Life really isn’t better this way, is it?” So one must focus on the “good” seeming to come of it, the magic they worked, which points to great promises of happiness and prosperity and wellness (that never really materializes). I know some Wiccans here and their lives and countenances are not anything to brag about. I see them as good people caught in a trap. I want to witness to these people, but I am waiting for an opening. Meanwhile respect for what is good in them to me seems like seeing Jesus in them.

I highly, highly, highly recommend this book for you, and most of all so that you can share it with your daughter. Its a good book, a testimony, and it will help her avoid other traps out there.

Well, I was going to link you to Sharon Lee Giganti’s book, but I could not find it. Here is her website: newagedeception.com/new/ She has free resources there and also she has talks on youtube. Perhaps you will find something there to share with your daughter, just to ensure she is aware of the many hidden dangers out there.
 
Sounds like you definitely did the right thing. Your main concern was your daughters faith and I think that was the correct call to protect your daughter from potentially dangerous occult practices that your sister was involved in.
 
From the way you describe it, your actions sound perfectly reasonable.
 
As a parent you have a right to protect your children. By the same token if your sister had not wanted you to talk about your beliefs with her children she would have been(in my view) within her rights as well. Yes? So in answer to your question I believe you did the right thing all those years ago. Just because she doesn’t want to forgive and have a relationship doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Out of curiosity what is your daughter’s and her cousin’s beliefs at this time? No need to answer if don’t wish to, just curious. Be well-stay safe.
 
Eliza10 said:
I agree that you did the very right thing. Maybe not perfect - like maybe you were “freaked out” instead of calm when you laid your boundaries, which is understandable. Just not the “perfect” way to do it. We are not perfect all the time, are we? You can apologize for anything wrong in your approach if that was so.

It sounds as if your sister thinks there is nothing wrong with her wiccan/new age spirituality and her paraphernalia, and since she thinks that, I guess she thinks you should think that? So she is offended that you are offended, and that you want to protect your daughter from it. If that is the case, what can you do? Your hands are tied because you cannot change her thinking.

You can pray for her regularly and systematically, putting her in Jesus’ hands through Mary. That is a great gift to your sister. She will be blessed.

Also besides apologizing if needed and expressing regret for the distance between you, you can tell her that you hope she can accept/respect that your beliefs are different from hers and that you will do likewise. (You don’t have to respect her beliefs but you can respect her right to believe anything she wants, including what you disagree with. In that way you are actually just respecting the gift of free will that God gave us.)

I also would not want to be in her home with her wiccan stuff but you can suggest a day in the park sometime maybe. Or something. Or not, if that won’t seem to work. Give her an option to decide with you what topics are appropriate and not appropriate conversation between you, and stick to the topics. You can also tell her you are not sending any more cards/notes since she does not answer, and this implies she does not want the cards and you don’t want to bother her. Oh, or you could ask her if the cards/notes bother her and ask if she would rather not receive them. That way you are showing her respect. The more of that you can do, the better. You can tell her you are always open to hearing from her when she is ready. And that you will forever love her as your sister. Maybe don’t say you are praying for her because that makes some people like this mad, if you haven’t discovered that already. This seems like it might be one of those cases. Just pray for her. (I am sure you do anyway).

Those Wiccan people are caught up in something - they don’t realize the net they are in. The evil ones like to keep giving them enticing gifts but then they rope them in tighter in their trap. The more you are in it the more rituals and spells you are obliged to do on a daily basis. It can become QUITE time consuming. One must justify all this time and involvement, because surely one’s conscious is saying, “Life really isn’t better this way, is it?” So one must focus on the “good” seeming to come of it, the magic they worked, which points to great promises of happiness and prosperity and wellness (that never really materializes). I know some Wiccans here and their lives and countenances are not anything to brag about. I see them as good people caught in a trap. I want to witness to these people, but I am waiting for an opening. Meanwhile respect for what is good in them to me seems like seeing Jesus in them.

I highly, highly, highly recommend this book for you, and most of all so that you can share it with your daughter. Its a good book, a testimony, and it will help her avoid other traps out there.

Well, I was going to link you to Sharon Lee Giganti’s book, but I could not find it. Here is her website: newagedeception.com/new/ She has free resources there and also she has talks on youtube. Perhaps you will find something there to share with your daughter, just to ensure she is aware of the many hidden dangers out there.
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I have indeed already apologized for how I actually handled things at the time … and I have also suggested that we not talk about religion of any kind if we were to see each other … and my suggestion to her was not even to get into getting the families together right away … just in having a sisterly relationship again … which could be as simple as having lunch out occasionally … apparently she is not interested in any of it … to her it’s either I condone everything she is doing and actually be involved in it … which is what she was trying to do before I cut things off … she kept trying to constantly talk to me about the many spells she was casting and how she was part of a group of people that went out at night and cut their wands from trees … I was actually listening to her a lot at the time … but it was making me ill … which I never told her until after she refused to stop talking about what she was doing to my daughter … and yes at the time I did freak out … but as I said, I apologized for that many times … it never means anything to her.

I do pray for her to the Blessed Mother all the time … because as a little girl she had a total devotion to our Blessed Lady … so much so that one time when she was very ill and running a high fever she asked my mother for her rosaries … as soon as she said Hail Mary beads of sweat broke out on her head and her fever broke … that’s the type of devotion she had to the Blessed Mother. How on earth she ever took her Blessed Mother medal off her neck I’ll never understand … because up until the age of 40 she never took that medal off her neck. It breaks my heart seeing what happened to her … so maybe it’s better I don’t see her … because I don’t know if I could keep my mouth shut and not try to bring her back to her Catholic faith.
 
puzzledtoo said:
As a parent you have a right to protect your children. By the same token if your sister had not wanted you to talk about your beliefs with her children she would have been(in my view) within her rights as well. Yes? So in answer to your question I believe you did the right thing all those years ago. Just because she doesn’t want to forgive and have a relationship doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Out of curiosity what is your daughter’s and her cousin’s beliefs at this time? No need to answer if don’t wish to, just curious. Be well-stay safe.
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My daughter is Catholic and married a Catholic boy and just had their first child baptized. My daughter only saw her cousin one time in all these years … and she said she never wanted to see him again because he had become … in her terms … “weird”. She never told me anything else … but she said she was never going to see him again. It has always been a deep pain to me not seeing my nephew … I am his godmother … but she would never allow it … and when he came of age he never tried to contact us … and he knows where we live … I have no way of contacting him because all I have is their home phone number … and throughout all the times that I tried to call her, he never picked up the phone.
 
AdamPeter said:
Sounds like you definitely did the right thing. Your main concern was your daughters faith and I think that was the correct call to protect your daughter from potentially dangerous occult practices that your sister was involved in.
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Thank you.
 
Hi Katherine!

I believe you did the right thing. As others have mentioned, your sister went against your wishes. You are the parent and you were called to raise your daughter in the Catholic faith from Baptism and beyond! This does not include dabbling in New Age things, Astrology, crystals, etc. Assuming your sister was also raised Catholic, she knows this too. And don’t worry about not understanding her religion. Don’t try to! You are a member of the Church founded by Jesus Christ, Himself!! How awesome is that?!! 🙂

I am a firm believer in forgiveness and togetherness of family when at all possible. I would say keep trying to contact your sister every once in awhile, keep religion (yours and hers) out of the conversation, and pray for her ceaselessly.

If your daughter is still into the New Age stuff ( not sure if she is or not) there is really not much left to do other than pray for her as I assume she is on her own? Take. Omfort in the fact that you did everything in your power to shield her from the untruths. 👍
I have a situation with my own daughter who is doing things with which I don’t agree & with the permission and support of her dad and step mom with whom she has chosen to live. Sometimes we just have to let go of the things over which we have no control; remembering to pray, of course, forgive as Jesus did and “Let Go & Let God”!!! I will be praying for you! 😉
Peace and all good!
 
Yes, you definitely did the right thing. You have a duty as a mother to protect your daughter’s spiritual well-being.

You might want to keep reaching out to your sister. Continue praying for her and maybe you could have Masses said for “A special intention”, that is for her and her son anonymously

God bless you.
 
You have left the door unlocked and the porchlight on, so to speak, it’s her move now.

God Bless you and yours, and even your sister.
 
I think you did the right thing.

You are a much better person than me, because I would not keep writing and/or calling, etc. if none of my letters were answered and I was hung up on when I called.

I can say this because my sister and I do not have a relationship. Not due to religion, though. Long story short is that we never really got along and I gave up trying to chase her down (phone calls, emails, etc.). There is a lot more to it than that, but you get the idea.
 
Franciscan_Way said:
Hi Katherine!

I believe you did the right thing. As others have mentioned, your sister went against your wishes. You are the parent and you were called to raise your daughter in the Catholic faith from Baptism and beyond! This does not include dabbling in New Age things, Astrology, crystals, etc. Assuming your sister was also raised Catholic, she knows this too. And don’t worry about not understanding her religion. Don’t try to! You are a member of the Church founded by Jesus Christ, Himself!! How awesome is that?!! 🙂

I am a firm believer in forgiveness and togetherness of family when at all possible. I would say keep trying to contact your sister every once in awhile, keep religion (yours and hers) out of the conversation, and pray for her ceaselessly.

If your daughter is still into the New Age stuff ( not sure if she is or not) there is really not much left to do other than pray for her as I assume she is on her own? Take. Omfort in the fact that you did everything in your power to shield her from the untruths. 👍
I have a situation with my own daughter who is doing things with which I don’t agree & with the permission and support of her dad and step mom with whom she has chosen to live. Sometimes we just have to let go of the things over which we have no control; remembering to pray, of course, forgive as Jesus did and “Let Go & Let God”!!! I will be praying for you! 😉
Peace and all good!
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My daughter never got into the New Age stuff … I never said she did … we threw the book out as soon as she got home and she made her confirmation a month later. She just had her first baby boy baptized.
 
jaimeleglise said:
Yes, you definitely did the right thing. You have a duty as a mother to protect your daughter’s spiritual well-being.

You might want to keep reaching out to your sister. Continue praying for her and maybe you could have Masses said for “A special intention”, that is for her and her son anonymously

God bless you.
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Thanks for the idea about the Masses … I will do that.
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
I think you did the right thing.

You are a much better person than me, because I would not keep writing and/or calling, etc. if none of my letters were answered and I was hung up on when I called.

I can say this because my sister and I do not have a relationship. Not due to religion, though. Long story short is that we never really got along and I gave up trying to chase her down (phone calls, emails, etc.). There is a lot more to it than that, but you get the idea.
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It’s always difficult when you lose a loved one in this way.
 
I have since thought about this and I’m sorry that I brought this up … I don’t want to slander my sister, and that kind of is happening, without it not being the meaning behind me making the thread … the thread was made because I always wonder if I did the right thing at the time … it’s always on my mind.

But I want to say that God brings something good from everything … even though I probably should not have written this thread … and spoken about my sister … I have come to realize that I don’t pray for her quite enough to the Blessed Mother, who she loved when she was young … and I don’t have masses said for her … which is something that I can do. So from now on instead of wondering whether or not I did the right thing so long ago, I am going to do things that are good for her soul … and in this way I can continue to show love to my sister, even though I was wrong at the time for not showing more love to her … I know so many of you said I did the right thing … but I should have done it with more love … that was truly the part where I was very wrong … things could have turned out much better if I had remembered to be more charitable.
 
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