A
acarlson
Guest
Hello, before I begin, I’d ask that I not receive replies saying “masturbation is not a mortal sin; it’s natural” because I don’t agree with that statement. I’m asking for guidance on whether or not the situation I ended up in constituted mortal sin. Another thing, I’m a 19 year old female and I’ve been dealing with panic disorder and depression since I started college, so I’m not sure how that affects me in this situation.
Before I joined the Catholic faith in 2008, I’d been masturbating for years. No one had ever told me it was wrong, but once I learned the difference and became baptized into the faith, I never committed the act again and had gone over two years without doing so. However, I’ve been constantly tempted through this time, including some VERY strong temptation. But I was proud over how I’d done and I knew that I never wanted to lose God again.
Last night, I’m not sure if I slipped up or not. After a funny yet VERY arousing conversation, I went to bed and was proud that I’d resisted some of the strongest temptation in my life. I laid there for a while, but then once I adjusted myself and stretched, I noticed that that particular stretch stimulated me. After that, I continued stretching because I liked how it felt but as soon as I realized what I was doing, literally seconds after, I stopped.
During these past few years, however, I’ve had multiple, reoccuring dreams (especially recently for some reason) in which I choose to masturbate even though I know that in doing so I lose God and Christ in that moment. What scares me is that, in this past instance, it felt like I was in one of those dreams, literally disconnected from reality. I thought things just like I do in those dreams, like “I’m really doing this; this is real, you’re really saying no to God.” As soon as I came back to my right mind, I realized what I had started to do and BEGGED forgiveness from God and ended up giving myself a mild panic attack over it.
I told myself that I didn’t mean to, that I was in some strange state of mind so that doesn’t constitute me fully knowing what I was doing, that just MINUTES earlier I had said NO, and that it was unfair for me to be dammed when I didn’t feel as if I’d DELIBERATELY CHOSEN to do so, that I had just slipped in that moment.
Naturally, my question is whether or not I fully consented in this matter. I really need external advice, so please answer truthfully. Though I must add, I cannot stress how much I felt as if I was literally disconnected with reality. I realized what I was doing, but it was passively almost. I literally felt like I was in one of my dreams again.
I won’t lie, going to confession and telling a male priest what happened DOES scare me a bit, but if I need to I won’t hesitate at all and will do it.
Thank you so much!
Before I joined the Catholic faith in 2008, I’d been masturbating for years. No one had ever told me it was wrong, but once I learned the difference and became baptized into the faith, I never committed the act again and had gone over two years without doing so. However, I’ve been constantly tempted through this time, including some VERY strong temptation. But I was proud over how I’d done and I knew that I never wanted to lose God again.
Last night, I’m not sure if I slipped up or not. After a funny yet VERY arousing conversation, I went to bed and was proud that I’d resisted some of the strongest temptation in my life. I laid there for a while, but then once I adjusted myself and stretched, I noticed that that particular stretch stimulated me. After that, I continued stretching because I liked how it felt but as soon as I realized what I was doing, literally seconds after, I stopped.
During these past few years, however, I’ve had multiple, reoccuring dreams (especially recently for some reason) in which I choose to masturbate even though I know that in doing so I lose God and Christ in that moment. What scares me is that, in this past instance, it felt like I was in one of those dreams, literally disconnected from reality. I thought things just like I do in those dreams, like “I’m really doing this; this is real, you’re really saying no to God.” As soon as I came back to my right mind, I realized what I had started to do and BEGGED forgiveness from God and ended up giving myself a mild panic attack over it.
I told myself that I didn’t mean to, that I was in some strange state of mind so that doesn’t constitute me fully knowing what I was doing, that just MINUTES earlier I had said NO, and that it was unfair for me to be dammed when I didn’t feel as if I’d DELIBERATELY CHOSEN to do so, that I had just slipped in that moment.
Naturally, my question is whether or not I fully consented in this matter. I really need external advice, so please answer truthfully. Though I must add, I cannot stress how much I felt as if I was literally disconnected with reality. I realized what I was doing, but it was passively almost. I literally felt like I was in one of my dreams again.
I won’t lie, going to confession and telling a male priest what happened DOES scare me a bit, but if I need to I won’t hesitate at all and will do it.
Thank you so much!
