Did I give my son the right advice?

[Tenebrae]

My 24 yr-old son was wondering what he should do in his situation: he’d like to meet a good Catholic girl, but his luck hasn’t been too good so far. The one girl he did like wants to be “just friends.” He was recently introduced to another girl, but he says she’s a real “Debbie Downer”–someone who has a negative mindset and is always complaining about her life. I suggested that maybe “Debbie” is suffering from depression, and since she doesn’t seem to be very interested in my son to begin with, perhaps he ought to just cease contacting her. (They’ve never really gone out together–they just talk on the phone) Was I right to tell him this?

 

[churchsecretary]

I think you were right! And just keep on praying that he meets the right girl. He sounds like he does know what he wants–“a good Catholic girl”–so hopefully he will keep his head together & pray that the Lord sends the right one.

God bless you!

 

[Rascalking]

Yes, you have him the right advice.

Unhappy people are a blight on society. (I’m talking about chronically moody people, like “Debbie” seems to be. They’re contagious, sort of like small pox.

 

[LSK]

I agree. You gave him very wise advice. Would he be interested in looking into something like Ave Maria Singles? For his age group, he might find someone just right for him!

 

[chevalier]

My 24 yr-old son was wondering what he should do in his situation: he’d like to meet a good Catholic girl, but his luck hasn’t been too good so far. The one girl he did like wants to be “just friends.” He was recently introduced to another girl, but he says she’s a real “Debbie Downer”–someone who has a negative mindset and is always complaining about her life. I suggested that maybe “Debbie” is suffering from depression, and since she doesn’t seem to be very interested in my son to begin with, perhaps he ought to just cease contacting her. (They’ve never really gone out together–they just talk on the phone) Was I right to tell him this?

It could be depression, but it could also be simply a negative mindset with an urge to complain all the time. If it was he who noticed it, then it seems he already saw a barrier between him and that girl. That didn’t bode well for any prospective relationship. I’m not saying people in that condition should be dumped, but in extreme situations, such as having known that person before the dark clouds took over, or somehow getting to know that person well and developing a bond regardless of it, well, in those situations things are different from simply meeting new people. In the latter case, one should probably keep looking. Besides, if he calls her a downer, I doubt she’s all that smitten with that girl.

 

[Speak_Up]

Good job, Mom. As Dr. Laura would say, if a guy goes out and rescues a damsel in distress, all he ends up with is a distressed damsel.

If he’s serious about finding someone who can share his life on an equal level and be a true partner, then he needs to be discerning. It’s OK to feel sorry for that girl, pray for her, recommend where she could get help if she is depressed, but to pursue her as a love interest is foolhardy at best. Would he want that for his children’s mother? If the answer is no, then she is not dating material.

And same goes for ladies picking men.

 

[TamaraSieja]

I agree. You gave him very wise advice. Would he be interested in looking into something like Ave Maria Singles? For his age group, he might find someone just right for him!

Ave Maria Singles is an awsome group! I’ve met many good Catholic people on there. I haven’t found “the ONE” yet, but that doesn’t mean anything. Also, Ave Maria has a lifetime membership that you join once, vurses Catholic Match where it’s montly.

As far as “Debbie” goes, I do agree that it was good advice. If “Debbie” wants to keep contacting him she’ll have to change her tune. If she does keep calling he may have to get blunt and just tell that he’s looking for someone who’s a little more positive. When my spiralling depression was at its worst that’s what it took for me to realize that I needed help.