Did I have a deep conversion?

[Saphire]

I attended a new Catholic church today. The message was the same, but some things were different. Their music was nicer and seemed more Christian. They sang their prayers instead of reciting them. This church felt different as if it was more holy. The whole mass seemed more spiritual and holy altogether. I felt strange inside and started crying because I really felt the holy spirit in me. I wanted to leave because I’m not used to this much spirituality. The Catholic church I attend sings the hymns at the beginning, and during Communion and when we are exiting the church. They don’t embrace as much as this new church while giving each other the sign of peace. Was I just a little frightened at too much spirituality at one time or did I have a deep conviction of faith? I want to go back, but then I’m afraid to. I still want to go back to the church i normally attend where there seems to be a more silent a still conversion of heart. Please let me know if you also have experienced something similar.

 

[Saphire]

No. It wasn’t. I was in the English language. I hope that’s what you are asking me.

 

[Catholicwife32]

I would caution you against judging the mass as holier. It may have been more reverent and thus the music and atmosphere is more conducive to entering into prayer (limited distractions and elements that lead our minds to God). While having great spiritual consolations during the mass is good, it’s best to not to put too much emphasis on the spiritual consolations. Indeed there are typically phases where we experience them and then go through dry spells, and these dry periods should not be viewed as being distant from God. If anything, we can get so caught up in our emotions that they can distract us from God. At the same time, I wouldn’t jump to the other extreme as saying they don’t matter at all. I’ve seen a lot of people criticize those who are simply bothered by how distracted they are in mass that they’re encouraged to view going to Mass as simply a matter of being there. Active participation is important.

Basically focus on giving your all in Mass. Masses that help you in that are better, but recognize that these emotional experiences do come and go and don’t interpret the lack of spiritual consolation as a sign of spiritual weakness.

 

[Saphire]

Thank you so much for your reply. I was afraid that maybe I was starving to feel spiritual consolations. I was also afraid that I am seeking too much.

 

[Reuben_J]

it is normal to be frightened by our own reaction but it is a good thing rather than bad.

You can respond to such feeling and experience by praying - take time for a personal quiet moment with the Lord, and thanks him for the experience. Say you want to be closer to Him and ask Him to continually guide you by His Holy Spirit.

 

[guanophore]

I wanted to leave because I’m not used to this much spirituality.

It would seem to me that, if you had a deep conversion, the opposite would be the case. You would be eagerly longing to go back for more!

That being said, it seems clear that you were able to sense the presence of the Holy Spirit, which is a part of conversion. Everyone grows in grace differently. Some people thrive on a more external expression of their faith, while others prefer that “quiet inner conversion” that is not as interactive.

I have had both experiences and both have been growthful for me, but I have to say that what you describe is similar to charismatic meetings I have attended that have been very transformative for me. Growth does not happen without risk, so if we are stretched by our spiritual exploration we are in a state of openness where we are more likely to encounter the Holy. Of course it is the unknown, and can be frightening, but who wants a boring spiritual life?