Did I neglect the poor?

[Ana_v]

Please bear with the amount of details (yes I tend toward scruples). But to state from the beginning what it is that I want to know:** Did I commit a grave sin of omission by failing to give a homeless person a sweater?**

After work last evening, I went to an international market to buy some treats for my mom, as later I was going to be visiting my family for the holidays. They live two hours away and I would be driving home that night.

I work with children in a Care program. When I can I save what is leftover of the meals or snacks because I know that otherwise, no matter how good the food, it will just be thrown away and the waste it immense (this is a government funded
program, highly regulated).

I had leftovers that I was intending to any apparently homeless or in-need person, as there are many that I see when I drive around town. As I entered the store, I noticed a woman siting on the ground outside smoking. I though to myself, after I make my purchase, I will approach her and ask her if she would like something
to eat.

That’s what I did. She looked to be in her late fifties or early sixties. When I offered food,
she tells me she already ate and that she is lost and doesn’t know her way around town (we are in a major city in the Mid-South). There is a medical center across the street and she tells me her boyfriend was there and then left her. She also tells me she needs to get to the Walmart nearby. I was hesitant to take her, not having done this before,
and on top of that I wondered, if I’m going to give her a ride at all, isn’t there somewhere better to take her?

I asked her if taking her to that Walmart would help her to get her bearings and
if she would be able to go on from there. She assures me that’s where she wants to go. She offers to pay for gas and of course I decline. It’s raining outside so I give her my umbrella and I tell her she can keep it as she will need it more than I. As I’m driving in the general direction she told me, we couldn’t find the Walmart and she decides I can just drop her off at a certain gas station that she knew we would be coming up on. I had driven several blocks, and she was clearly grateful for the ride seeing as to how far she otherwise would have to have walked.

I also told her I have a blanket in the trunk that I can give her, and she says she could really use a blanket. We arrived. Again she offered gas money, and I declined. After giving her the blanket I giver her a hug and watched her go into the gas station.

When I had thought about what to give her, both in the moment and in retrospect, I felt conflicted. The umbrella had been given to me by a friend of mine since I didn’t have one,
but since it’s looked to be one of the inexpensive kind and someone who lives on the streets will certainly depend on it more than I, I gave it away. The blanket in my trunk, as with the extra change of clothes I have back there and the sleeping bag, I keep in case of emergencies. E.g. if the car breaks down and I have to sleep in it over night, or say some natural disaster on account of which I have to stay at a public
shelter.

The sleeping bag was given to me by my parents (it is they who just insist I keep it in the care though it takes up space). It would be expensive and impractical in the long run to keep replacing the things I have in my trunk for every time I were to give them away to someone, especially as a college student. Yet the likelihood that I will need them is slim, whereas the likelihood that the homeless will need them is great.

The sweater: The blue sweater I had in the backseat crossed my mind. I had taken this off along with my skirt after work, to change into my gym clothes because I was going to work out that evening prior to leaving town. My sweater is not the kind of
that is meant to go over your shirt, but a top in-itself. I had bought at Goodwill for about $5 because I was limited in my winter attire, and have worn it several times since buying it. When I remembered it was in the car, I didn’t offer it to the woman because it is a sweater I like. In retrospect, I feel bad. That seems like total vanity. Since
the sweater wasn’t expensive, and it wasn’t a borrowed sweater or a gift from me to someone, why couldn’t I have given it away?

As to what she was wearing, I recall her wearing some sneakers, thin looking stretchy pants, and a black sweatshirt, also worn out and think looking. Whether or not she had anything underneath I could only speculate.

The blanket I had in my trunk was not a fully body blanket. It was a small, moderately warm blanket. Though with the kind of weather we get down here in the winter, it would hardly improve her situation all that much. This week has been exceptionally in the
high 40’ and low 50’s, but temperatures normally are in the 30’s.

Literally the whole drive home I spend thinking about this woman and what I did/ didn’t do. I think about what Jesus said about the poor, and the verse in James about what good is it to send someone on their way who needs clothes without providing for them,
as if good wishes sufficed.

I wondered whether I should go to Confession and I thought what priest is going to be patient enough to hear this whole story? (I am very detail oriented since I consider that context has a bearing on the gravity of an issue).

I went just recently, and am miserably tired of going again and again because of one doubt or another. It never stops. I would of course be sad to not receive Holy Communion on Christmas (we are going to Midnight Mass) but it wouldn’t be the first
time I omit it on a Holy Day.

Seeing as to how I may not be able to have a priest hear me out,
could someone give me their honest opinion about whether I sinned gravely, or otherwise
give advice on how to be concise?

 

[Neofight]

Be at peace…you did more than most of us.

And, Merry Christmas!

You are blessed, because you shared your time with Christ…for whenever you feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, you have done the same for Him.

Peace and all Good!

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

I agree with previous post, there is only so much you can do,
Bible Quote,. What you do for the least of these you do for me,
You did well, just a good deed a day,you don’t need to bleed yourself to death,

 

[Elena321]

I agree with the other posts and it sounds like your a caring person.
To me,and perhaps I’m wrong,but it seems like there a lot of anxiety based thinking there.
Anxiety can get in the way of a lot of things including the ability to help people effectively.
If you could find a counsellor that you could help with the anxiety but the same time respect your Christian views,maybe they could help to find a balance of how to be charitable and at the same time to have worry/fear/obsession over it etc?
If you think about it logically:
How do you know that the woman even needed the sweater as she didn’t say she was homeless but rather that her boyfriend had left her there?
Also,logically,if your hesitation to part with the sweater is vanity then wouldn’t everyone else have vanity too because most of the clothes that people donate to St Vinnies etc is clothes they no longer want/wear,rarely are people donating their favourite outfits.

 

[WilT]

Please bear with the amount of details (yes I tend toward scruples). But to state from the beginning what it is that I want to know:** Did I commit a grave sin of omission by failing to give a homeless person a sweater?**…

You did great. And so did she. Both of you were fulfilled! Yes, we can always do more but be patient with yourself. There will always be many more opportunities to do good things for the poor. ]You provided well for her and it appears she responded well to your generosity. Merry Christmas

 

[1ke]

Anna, You MUST get under the care of a spiritual director for your scrupulosity and compulsive thinking/behavior. You are obsessing over this. Please stop. You did not commit a sin, let alone a mortal one.

 

[WilT]

p.s. you did not neglect the poor. You did GREAT. There will always be more to do for the poor. But do as much as you feel comfortable doing. One thing is good two is better three things are great.

 

[1ke]

Also Anna, you need to consider that there are many scam artists out there who pretend to be homeless and beggars. If you give them something and they are scamming you, the sin is theirs.

But there are DANGEROUS people out there too and you absolutely MUST NOT take random people into your car and drive them around the city alone. This is dangerous and imprudent.

 

[SurfingTheTiber]

But there are DANGEROUS people out there too and you absolutely MUST NOT take random people into your car and drive them around the city alone. This is dangerous and imprudent.

This +1. You sound like a very caring and faithful person who sees the value in other people lives. But your life matters, too. Given the number of people with serious mental health challenges (often untreated) in addition to the number of people using street drugs I cannot over state how important it is that you not take random people off the street in your car. A better option is to contact the police. They can take her to get medical help if needed, a psych. eval at the ER if needed, they can contact family for her, or take her to a shelter.

 

[WilT]

Also Anna, you need to consider that there are many scam artists out there who pretend to be homeless and beggars. If you give them something and they are scamming you, the sin is theirs.

But there are DANGEROUS people out there too and you absolutely MUST NOT take random people into your car and drive them around the city alone. This is dangerous and imprudent.

I profoundly disagree. You obviously no nothing of homelessness.

 

[WilT]

This +1. You sound like a very caring and faithful person who sees the value in other people lives. But your life matters, too. Given the number of people with serious mental health challenges (often untreated) in addition to the number of people using street drugs I cannot over state how important it is that you not take random people off the street in your car. A better option is to contact the police. They can take her to get medical help if needed, a psych. eval at the ER if needed, they can contact family for her, or take her to a shelter.

you too know very little on homelessness and the abilities of peace officers.

 

[1ke]

I profoundly disagree.

That’s your right on a public forum. When people ask for opinions, they are going to get many.

You obviously no nothing of homelessness.

This is a logical fallacy. Trying to discount my statements with personal attacks will not change my opinion. I have worked with homeless people, poor people, and those in shelters.

The OP is a young college-aged girl, alone in a large city, taking strangers she has just encountered in a parking lot into her car.

That is NOT prudent in any way, shape, or form. The next time she does so, she may meet a very different end.

 

[SurfingTheTiber]

you too know very little on homelessness and the abilities of peace officers.

On the contrary; and here are some of my reflections on the original post:

First - the original post never says this woman was homeless. The original poster says there are homeless in her community but there was nothing said that the woman she helped self-identified as being homeless. What was said was she was in her 50s-60s, was poorly dressed, and was smoking while sitting on the ground outside a store (reflect on that image for a moment). Then there was the vague story about a boyfriend at a medical center who left her. We also know she said she’s new in town and lost and her one point of reference is WalMart (though she opted to be left at a gas station). She apparently has money since she offered to pay for gas but we don’t know the source of her income since she is a lone female who is lost in a new town.

Second - with this information the original poster takes this woman in her car. NEVER, EVER DO THIS. I understand that faith-based compassion, especially in this season, might lead us to feel we want to go the extra mile to help. But many of the issues found on the street are too dangerous for well-meaning but untrained response. Are there homeless on the streets? Yes. And they need our informed help. But there are others on the streets - people with serious mental health challenges, people who get violent, drug users, sexual offenders, etc.

Third - taking someone in your car like this is like locking yourself in a room with someone about whom you know nothing other than they’re disoriented and their only apparent resource is cigarettes. Ask yourself some questions like, What if she won’t get out of my car? What if she has a behavioral episode in my car? What if she suddenly weilds a weapon (remember that anything such as a pen or a broken plastic spoon can be used as a weapon)? What if I have an accident with her in my car - what are my liabilities? What if she gets out of the car and starts telling people that I did X,Y,or Z to her or took her money?

I applaud the desire to help the homeless but such help has been developed and fine–tuned over decades of working with this population. Those working with the homeless know that the homeless aren’t the only people on the streets. Safeguards and accountabilities are essential for the continued well-being of the workers and the clientele.

A final word about “peace officers”. I guess our experience is different because I have had wonderful experiences working with the police over the course of many years. They have proven themselves to be a great resource for connecting people with help; whether it be transporting people to shelters, or to mental health resources, or protecting them from violent people on the street, or something as basic as providing a civil stand-by (uniformed presence) while social workers, clergy, religious sisters, trained lay people, etc. help others. Support your police. They provide many types of help to the community, most of which goes unacknowledged.

 

[1ke]

What if she suddenly weilds a weapon

Yes, and what if she is working in tandem **with **the “boyfriend”?

Our good Samaritan might be the next girl rescued from a basement in an normal looking house 10 years from now.

 

[WilT]

That’s your right on a public forum. When people ask for opinions, they are going to get many.

This is a logical fallacy. Trying to discount my statements with personal attacks will not change my opinion. I have worked with homeless people, poor people, and those in shelters.

The OP is a young college-aged girl, alone in a large city, taking strangers she has just encountered in a parking lot into her car.

That is NOT prudent in any way, shape, or form. The next time she does so, she may meet a very different end.

When you make a statement like that saying to watch out for scam artist you are giving the homeless a bad rap. I don’t see any scam artist among the homeless. They are usually appreciative of any help they get from those who offer them assistance. Your statement brings about not only caution but an** unjust fear towards those on the streets**. There are scammers whether in or around white collar America or with the blue collar Americans. This is my opinion as well.

 

[WilT]

…

If you were to know the homeless well, you would see that they are very good around people. None of them just explode as you make it sound. They are more “afraid” or respectful towards people of good will. They have been trained through many years of being fed on the streets to be kind to those who help. Most likely if the ‘homeless’ person is flipping out on the street common sense would tell you they are of a concern and should be avoided. This lady was not like that. When you bring about this false notion that those on the streets are whacky you only add to the reckless stigma of those on the streets. This is unfair to them and to those offering any services to them. You should offer all kinds of help to those in need at all times. An officer just recently picked up a homeless man for looking homeless. Not for any other reason. He, the homeless, man could of lost weeks of collected recyclables which were forced to be left behind while being sent to the police station. You see the good side of our police officers but their are unjust sides to them as well. It may not all be the officers fault since many city ordinances deal harshly with the homeless and police have to at times abide by the city rules and laws. As Catholics our Christian duties come before societies unjust fear towards the homeless and disadvantaged.

 

[WilT]

I’ve read the posters story once more and it sounds very much like a homeless lady. She herself was looking for a homeless person to feed. This ladies behaviors are like those of one that is homeless. Some change of mind and disorientation can be common on the streets.

 

[SurfingTheTiber]

If you were to know the homeless well, you would see that they are very good around people. None of them just explode as you make it sound.

I didn’t say homeless people “just explode”. My point was that the homeless are not the only people on the street. People with undiagnosed/untreated mental health issues, people with substance abuse issues, people who get violent, prostitutes, etc. are also on the streets. I don’t advise anyone to engage in inner-city outreach of any type without training and accountabilities. Feel free to show this thread to staff at Catholic Charities and get their (name removed by moderator)ut.

By the way; the homeless are very aware of the various people on the street. They expect shelter staff to make sure that neither they nor their homeless family members are placed at risk by letting any of the above other catagories of people be admitted to shelters.

I’ve read the posters story once more and it sounds very much like a homeless lady.

Sorry, but there’s not enough information for anyone to know much of anything. Sounds like a homeless lady? Sitting on the ground, smoking cigarettes, and trying to hitch a ride also sounds like my college career. There’s far more information missing than there is known.

Some change of mind and disorientation can be common on the streets.

Right you are. Hence my statement, " I’m all in favor of people working with the homeless population at the level of their training and expertise."

As Catholics our Christian duties come before societies unjust fear towards the homeless and disadvantaged.

Right again. The place you and I diverge is that I believe that any of our Catholic efforts, especially at the street level, need to be informed, prudent and have safety considerations built in. To do anything less is to function on sentimentality and to do a disservice to the clientele and the mission of the Church (and maybe get ourselves in a lot of hot water).

My primary concern and as I understand it, 1Ke’s concern, is the safety of the original poster. I think people on the CA forums are bright enough to take from this thread what they need.

 

[WilT]

Catholic Charities? And for the time being, that’s all I will say.

Fair enough, we will leave it at that.

 

[1ke]

When you make a statement like that saying to watch out for scam artist you are giving the homeless a bad rap.

I did not say homeless people are scam artists. I said there are scam artists who pretend to be homeless or in need.

I don’t see any scam artist among the homeless.

I did not say the homeless were scam artists. You are upset about something I never said.

They are usually appreciative of any help they get from those who offer them assistance.

I never said otherwise. The homeless people I have worked with also rarely ask for money or assistance. One homeless lady, who did indeed have mental health issues and was pregnant, often prayed with us outside Planned Parenthood. She would NOT take money. I’ve bought meals for homeless people. I’ve worked with them through programs designed to help them transition out of homelessness. But, there are others who have encountered trouble: My old roommate was spit on and chased by a homeless person who was panhandling when she offered them food instead of money. They didn’t want food, they wanted money for booze, drugs, or cigarettes and when she offered them food they became agitated and attacked her.

Again-- PRUDENCE. I would never recommend a person who is alone taking a stranger into their car no matter what.

Your statement brings about not only caution but an** unjust fear towards those on the streets**.

A young, college aged girl alone in a city should not be offering rides to strangers, whether they be “on the streets”, at the Mall, or someone she met at a bar.

It is not an “unjust fear”. Everyone should use caution and prudence. No one should be picking up hitchhikers no matter what they look like, certainly not a young lady by herself.

There are scammers whether in or around white collar America or with the blue collar Americans. This is my opinion as well.

Certainly there are. I am not addressing those.