Did I sin, and if so, how badly?

[theistgal]

OK, here’s the gist of it: my coworker, who used to be my boss, but isn’t anymore, but still kind of scares me, is out of the office on vacation. I sent her an email to explain a sticky situation involving a manager which caused some problems for me earlier today.

The problem has since been resolved, and I started feeling a little nervous about how I had described it in my email to her. So - since she had given me her email password in case I needed to respond to any of her messages while she was out - I went into her email, deleted my message to her, and then went back to my desk and sent her a new email. (And for the tech-savvy among you, I also went to her trash bin and deleted the old one from her hard drive.)

Ever since, I’ve been feeling a little guilty. Obviously I used my access to her email to protect myself. Was I wrong to do so? Or was it OK since I sent her another email, basically with the same information only phrased a little more diplomatically?

Thanks!

 

[Caesar517]

I don’t think you did anything wrong, although it may make you feel better to explain to your co-worker what you said here.

It sounds to me like you said some things in the e-mail that you regretted saying; things that could possibly hurt this manager. What you did may have protected the manager just as much (or more) as it protected you.

I think you were fortunate to have to opportunity to change the wording of your e-mail. She allowed you access to her e-mail account and it was your e-mail that you changed. If either of these conditions were missing, I would consider your action to be a sin. As it is, I don’t think you did anything wrong. It may be a good thing to explain to your co-worker what happened (although I don’t think you should say exactly what was in the original e-mail), but I don’t think it is necessary.

 

[SwizzleStick]

…Ever since, I’ve been feeling a little guilty. Obviously I used my access to her email to protect myself. Was I wrong to do so? Or was it OK since I sent her another email, basically with the same information only phrased a little more diplomatically?

Thanks!

 

[masterjedi747]

OK, here’s the gist of it: my coworker, who used to be my boss, but isn’t anymore, but still kind of scares me, is out of the office on vacation. I sent her an email to explain a sticky situation involving a manager which caused some problems for me earlier today.

The problem has since been resolved, and I started feeling a little nervous about how I had described it in my email to her. So - since she had given me her email password in case I needed to respond to any of her messages while she was out - I went into her email, deleted my message to her, and then went back to my desk and sent her a new email. (And for the tech-savvy among you, I also went to her trash bin and deleted the old one from her hard drive.)

Ever since, I’ve been feeling a little guilty. Obviously I used my access to her email to protect myself. Was I wrong to do so?

I’d say absolute worst case it was a minor venial sin, but in this case (especially with all the details you gave) I honestly don’t think it was even that.

If she had specifically asked you (or you had promised) to stay out of her e-mail, then there would be an issue… but she didn’t, and in fact gave you access to her e-mail for while she was away. So it’s not like you hacked into her computer/account and used it without her knowledge. And you weren’t violating her privacy by browsing through her private correspondence, so we don’t have to worry about that either. So in this case, I would think of it just like sending a regular letter… if you had placed it on her desk, and then decided to take it back before she got it, and write a better version of the letter in its place, would there be a problem? Nope.

I actually find it kind of hilarious, actually…
(just because of the mental contrast between the innocent action it was, and the super-sneaky stealth mission it could have looked like to a fly on the wall)

Or was it OK since I sent her another email, basically with the same information only phrased a little more diplomatically?

I don’t think that particular fact would change anything anyway. Even if you had simply decided that it was better not to send it, and just deleted it (without sending a replacement), your question about the morality of the initial action wouldn’t change.

 

[UndertheRadar]

I feel that this was dishonest. She did not give you the password for this purpose. Just because she did not say directly not to do this doesn’t mean that it is permissible.

 

[masterjedi747]

I feel that this was dishonest. She did not give you the password for this purpose. Just because she did not say directly not to do this doesn’t mean that it is permissible.

If it was anything other than her own e-mail that she was deleting, I’d be inclined to agree with you… but how can be considered “dishonest” for her to delete her own message?

To put it in an almost identical scenario, let’s say theistgal’s neighbor asked her to collect her mail for her while she was on vacation. If theistgal happens to have a letter for her neighbor, and puts it in the pile, then decides she’d rather not deliver it (and maybe replace it with a better letter), then why in the world would that be considered “dishonest”?

Heck, even if theistgal had mailed this letter through the post office, then decided that she shouldn’t have sent it, and went to remove it from her neighbor’s mail box (the kind on the street, that anyone is allowed to access to deliver mail) before her neighbor collects it…

I’m just not seeing where the actual “dishonest” act is taking place.
I’m inclined to say that the situation just looks worse at first glance than it actually is.

 

[SwizzleStick]

…Ever since, I’ve been feeling a little guilty. Obviously I used my access to her email to protect myself. Was I wrong to do so? Or was it OK since I sent her another email, basically with the same information only phrased a little more diplomatically?

Thanks!

This feels really wrong to me, though it is hard for me to articulate why. I guess it is because you did not use the password to the e-mail account for the purpose for which the owner gave you permission to access it. I think the best thing to do would be to go to confession, speak candidly with your confessor about this and then follow his advice.

Then, if I were you, I would suggest an e-mail password change for the person involved. I’d also suggest that she handle her e-mail differently in the future, either checking it herself from wherever she is, or perhaps using an auto-reply feature of “Out of office until //__, I’ll respond as soon as possible upon my return or please feel free to contact alternate at youremailaddress@whatever. com or 555-555-5555 if urgent.”

 

[SVP]

This feels really wrong to me, though it is hard for me to articulate why. I guess it is because you did not use the password to the e-mail account for the purpose for which the owner gave you permission to access it. I think the best thing to do would be to go to confession, speak candidly with your confessor about this and then follow his advice.

Yes, that’s how I feel too, and that’s what I’m going to do tomorrow (or Saturday).

Thanks, everyone, for your opinions - I appreciate them!

 

[theistgal]

Oops, and PS, now I have something else to atone for - accidentally posting under my husband’s (“SVP”) name!! Sorry, sweetie!

 

[peary1]

OK, here’s the gist of it: my coworker, who used to be my boss, but isn’t anymore, but still kind of scares me, is out of the office on vacation. I sent her an email to explain a sticky situation involving a manager which caused some problems for me earlier today.

The problem has since been resolved, and I started feeling a little nervous about how I had described it in my email to her. So - since she had given me her email password in case I needed to respond to any of her messages while she was out - I went into her email, deleted my message to her, and then went back to my desk and sent her a new email. (And for the tech-savvy among you, I also went to her trash bin and deleted the old one from her hard drive.)

Ever since, I’ve been feeling a little guilty. Obviously I used my access to her email to protect myself. Was I wrong to do so? Or was it OK since I sent her another email, basically with the same information only phrased a little more diplomatically?

Thanks!

Hey, you covered yourself. I don’t see a sin in all this. The intention was is that you wanted to set things right. You did (hopefully). The matter should be closed.

 

[theistgal]

Hey, you covered yourself. I don’t see a sin in all this. The intention was is that you wanted to set things right. You did (hopefully). The matter should be closed.

Well, I feel better about it this morning, but I was thinking about it last night and wondered, how would I feel if I found out my coworker had done this on my computer? Well, if I understood the situation, I think I’d be ok with it. Like I said, I wasn’t trying to hide the situation from her, but rather rephrase it to make my part in it look better.

Which I guess is “covering myself”, which is really what I felt guilty about - do I have the right to protect myself, or should I have left it “as is”? After all, the worst that could have happened was my coworker would have given me some dirty looks for a few days and made me feel like an idiot.

Sigh!!! Why is life so complicated, dagnab it?

 

[Fitz]

If you think you sinned, then mention it in confession. However, I think you did fine. You got carrried away with complaining in an email. We have all done it. I think it will teach you a lesson for the future. Be careful, most careful of what goes into print- or into a conversation. Sometimes it is not so easy to take it back.

Yeah, life is complicated.

 

[theistgal]

If you think you sinned, then mention it in confession. However, I think you did fine. You got carrried away with complaining in an email. We have all done it. I think it will teach you a lesson for the future. Be careful, most careful of what goes into print- or into a conversation. Sometimes it is not so easy to take it back.

Yeah, life is complicated.

:tiphat:

And FWIW I just got off the phone with the coworker and the situation is nowhere near as dire as I was worried it would be - and she actually agreed with me about the manager anyway! So … whew! … thanks, everyone!

 

[onaquest]

You might look at the impulse you had to re-represent the e-mail. Was it to cover yourself or to better present your co-worker. If it was to cover yourself you may be looking at pride or vanity as the culprit to your actions and that is confessable.