Did I sin mortally?

[Veronica97]

The other day my son was filling out an application for the military. When he was a child, he saw several psychiatrists and he was on some pretty heavy medications. He ended up with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which I don’t think is accurate because he has been off all medications for three years and has been doing fine. (He’s 18 now). What I think happened (and I’m no psychiatrist) is that we put him on Adderall for ADHD so that he could cope better in school, and it seemed to have the opposite effect–his behavior spiraled out of control and we ended up seeing a myriad of doctors. My son asked me how he should answer the application question that asks if you have seen a counselor and/or taken medication in the last seven years. I told him if he tells the truth he may not be accepted but if he lies and they find out later he will get a dishonorable discharge. I told him the choice was his (we had discussed this issue before and it just made him angry with me for taking him to all those doctors). I didn’t think I was sinning at the time when I told him what could happen if he lied or told the truth and that it was his choice. But now I feel I may have sinned mortally b/c I didn’t tell him that lying is always wrong and that he should definitely tell the truth. I did tell him later that evening that I thought lying on the application would be both a crime and a sin and he told me he didn’t care what I thought. He did end up lying on the application the next day and I have since pleaded with him that it’s not too late to tell the truth and that if he is meant to be in the military, they will work with him on this issue, and if he isn’t then God has better plans for him. I just could kick myself b/c If I hadn’t told him that he might not get in if he told the truth, then he might have TOLD the truth. All I can do now is pray. But do I need to go to Confession for a mortal sin?

 

[Trishie]

No you didn’t sin mortally, you were trying to promote the truthful and honorable response. I don’t doubt that you already tried to teach your son that lying is wrong.
Of course you are upset as you are worried about your son.
It was concern about your son that prompted your advice and now that causes your self-doubt.
Don’t take on yourself the blame your son puts on you for taking him to the doctors.
You only did so as a good and loving mother.
I will pray for you and your son.

It seems unlikely that your son’s medical history would not be checked.
Either way, you are not to blame if your son isn’t accepted,
and if he blames you for anything, know that all you have done when he was young, and now, has been to try to be a good mother.
God bless you Love.

You weren’t being untruthful when you told him that to lie or not was his choice. Of course it is. As a young adult, only he now, can choose to do right or wrong. You can only advise, not control his adult choices.
In any case, if any imbalance remains, that could put other soldiers and himself at risk, so it’s best to be honest even from that viewpoint. You did your best and we trust the rest to God. I know you’re very worried, and send you a hug

 

[Veronica97]

Thank you for your prayers, Trishie. I prayed the rosary last night for this issue. I think I may have even told my son that he PROBABLY wouldn’t get in if he told the truth (which is what I have read on the internet). I just meant to be honest with him about what could happen either way.

 

[Trishie]

I have sons Veronica, and we only try our best to do right by them and for their true good, we mothers. (You were stating the case. It would be irresponsible of the military, surely, not to check medical records? It’s too serious a commitment. You were doing your best.) Sometimes it works out, sometimes not, but we try, don’t we, and if we get anything wrong, or they do, it’s a lot of heartache for us. And sometimes a lot of private tears.

I sometimes ache over the things I got wrong. I tried saying sorry to my boys for various things at one stage, (as you feel it so keenly, don’t you.) My boys just said, "Oh Mum!’ meaning don’t be so silly Mum, it’s okay, we just love you. But my boys are now older and I have grandsons your son’s age. They get wiser, and more compassionate, especially when they’re parents. Please God, whatever happens, your son will be thoughtful and kind to you. And you are a good mother.