Did my first confession, but have some questions

[seeker_of_God]

This thread contains a few questions about that, and I’m sorry for that, but they’re all kind of related.

First, I wanted to say I had my first confession on Thursday. It was amazing, and I was so happy to be able to do that.

But I have a concern, and a few additional questions.

I asked the priest if he’d hear my confession, and he agreed. Now I had never done this before, and I told him as much. He said no problem, and we went through the ten commandments. He mentioned each one, explained what it included, and I said whether I had done that, and explained briefly.

So we got through, and it was all good. He asked me if I could think of anything else, and I couldn’t, so I said so. He said he couldn’t either, so started into assigning a penance for me.

Then I thought of something. I knew that sometimes I had taken too much pleasure in food. I didn’t know if that was gluttony or not, and then if it was I didn’t know if gluttony was a mortal sin. I had thought it was since it was one of the seven deadly sins (isn’t it?), but since he was only going through the ten commandments, I thought maybe I was mistaken. Thinking I must have been mistaken and not wanting to ask a stupid question, I didn’t say anything, and let him continue.

Now, I’ve heard that intentionally withholding confessing a mortal sin invalidates the entire confession, and may itself be a sin? So i wondered if I did this? Is my confession valid?

I certainly hope so. I felt so peaceful afterwards and it was quite enjoyable except for that.

I figured it would be valid since i wasn’t certain that what I was thinking of was indeed a mortal sin, but it has been bothering me, and I plan to go to confession soon and didn’t want to have to redo everything.

Secondly, i wanted to ask whether what I was thinking was indeed a mortal sin. I’ve been researching at what point such a thing is considered gluttony, and when it is a mortal sin. It’s not helped by the fact that I’m overweight, somewhat due to my unhealthy diet and somewhat due also to my medication that I have to take, especially for my thyroid. Yes I have taken too much pleasure in food before, and of course have overeaten at times as many people have. I am also kind of picky when it comes to food, which is something I’m trying to overcome.

I feel like I’ve been playing “whac-a-mole” with sinful thoughts and temptations ever since that first confession. For instance a prideful thought will start to arise, and I’ll push it away. If such thoughts come up from time-to-time without me really thinking about it or willing it, that is not a sin is it, if I push them away and don’t dwell on them?

My next question is about lying. I know that lying is a sin, but what if it is a lie in the interest of protecting someone’s feelings?

For instance, the other day someone was telling me about something, and I said “that’s interesting” or something like that, to confirm my approval. Well internally I didn’t really care that much about it, or wasn’t really impressed. Was that a sin, and was it grave if so?

What is included as a sin against the fourth commandment? If I got a little upset with my mother and it was reflected in my words and tone a little, is that included? I apologized soon after, but she said she hadn’t noticed.

Is it OK to confess venial sins as well? Should I confess venial sins that I can think of that I didn’t confess in my first confession?

My final question is concerning my next confession. The priest helped me through my first, but didn’t tell me actually how to go into my next confession. We just sat down and he went through the commandments, he assigned my penance, I recited the act of contrition, and he absolved me.

So in my next one, so I’m not clueless, what do I do? What do I say when I go into the confessional? I’ve not even seen a confessional before since we were at a retreat so it was in the priest’s room.

Oh, and the act of contrition I used was:

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

Is this acceptable?

Sorry for all the questions, but I’m thinking more about this now that I’ve gone through my first confession.

I am pretty sure I will have the tendency to be scrupulous, and am trying to avoid that, but I still need to know the boundaries of what is or is not grave or mortal sin.

Will it be OK to go to confession say once per week if I need to? I was doing OK for the last several days until today when I lied once and got a little upset with my mother, so I’ll definitely be going back to confession very soon, whenever I’m able to.

 

[marleelynn]

I use a similar Act of Contrition when I go to confession (I go once a month). It’s okay to ask the priest questions if I am not sure if something is a sin or not.

I go to the same confessor for confession. Most confessionals now have the option of anonymous confession (behind a screen) or face to face. My parish has both options but I go face to face. If my confessor agrees to meet at a nearby parish within my cluster, they only have the screen (but he tries face to face).

 

[Don9of11]

Sounds like you did a great job on your first confession. I wouldn’t worry too much about stuff you forgot or remembered after your confession, just save it for next time. Print out the questions you were asking here and take it with you when you next go to confession and ask your priest, he can answer your questions.

There’s is nothing wrong in taking pleasure in a good meal or indulging ones self from time to time as long as you don’t make a “pig” of yourself. I’m a bachelor and this weekend I attended my nieces high school graduation party. After grace was said we all formed a line and started “digging” in to the food and all of it was good and yes I indulged myself perhaps more than I should have. But then again, I don’t get home cooking like that all the time. Everything on the table was given to us by God and we should always take pleasure in what God has provided.

 

[Spirithound]

I knew that sometimes I had taken too much pleasure in food. I didn’t know if that was gluttony or not…

Now, I’ve heard that intentionally withholding confessing a mortal sin invalidates the entire confession, and may itself be a sin? So i wondered if I did this? Is my confession valid?

I certainly hope so. I felt so peaceful afterwards and it was quite enjoyable except for that.

I feel like I’ve been playing “whac-a-mole”…

My next question is about lying. I know that lying is a sin, but what if it is a lie in the interest of protecting someone’s feelings?

What is included as a sin against the fourth commandment? If I got a little upset with my mother and it was reflected in my words and tone a little, is that included? I apologized soon after, but she said she hadn’t noticed.

Is it OK to confess venial sins as well?

My final question is concerning my next confession.

So in my next one, so I’m not clueless, what do I do? What do I say when I go into the confessional? I’ve not even seen a confessional before since we were at a retreat so it was in the priest’s room.

I am pretty sure I will have the tendency to be scrupulous, and am trying to avoid that, but I still need to know the boundaries of what is or is not grave or mortal sin.

Will it be OK to go to confession say once per week if I need to?

Congrats on your first confession!

The gluttony issue is complex and kind of subjective, but I’m sure your confession was valid. You could talk to your confessor about it next time.

Yes, withholding a mortal sin in confession is itself another mortal sin, but I don’t think you did that.

The “whack-a-mole” syndrome is not uncommon Keep fighting! If the thoughts surface and you push them away, you have not sinned. A sin is an act of the will.

I don’t think you’ve lied.

Speaking crossly with your mother is a sin, but not gravely so. It is good that you made amends with her!

Confessing venial sins is not required, but it is highly recommended. Venial sins are absolved in confession even if you have not confessed them.

The Act of Contrition you used is a good one. For your next confession, just tell the priest that this is your second confession, and he will help you. Your opening words are “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been …(time) since my last confession.” Then ask for help.

Confession once a week is fine, but ask the priest about scrupulosity.

Peace be with you

 

[seeker_of_God]

Sounds like you did a great job on your first confession. I wouldn’t worry too much about stuff you forgot or remembered after your confession, just save it for next time. Print out the questions you were asking here and take it with you when you next go to confession and ask your priest, he can answer your questions.

There’s is nothing wrong in taking pleasure in a good meal or indulging ones self from time to time as long as you don’t make a “pig” of yourself. I’m a bachelor and this weekend I attended my nieces high school graduation party. After grace was said we all formed a line and started “digging” in to the food and all of it was good and yes I indulged myself perhaps more than I should have. But then again, I don’t get home cooking like that all the time. Everything on the table was given to us by God and we should always take pleasure in what God has provided.

Thanks. I’m going to try to get to confession on Tuesday I think, since that’s the soonest my parish has it.

Well the sins I’m not sure about I’m going to confess anyway, but I’m not so sure the priest will be interested in answering when a lie is grave and such like things?

So I guess as long as the confession is valid, my questions that remain is about if the small lie I mentioned is grave, what is counted as a sin against the fourth commandment, and what to actually do in my next confession, what to say and such.

 

[seeker_of_God]

Congrats on your first confession!

The gluttony issue is complex and kind of subjective, but I’m sure your confession was valid. You could talk to your confessor about it next time.

Yes, withholding a mortal sin in confession is itself another mortal sin, but I don’t think you did that.

The “whack-a-mole” syndrome is not uncommon Keep fighting! If the thoughts surface and you push them away, you have not sinned. A sin is an act of the will.

I don’t think you’ve lied.

Speaking crossly with your mother is a sin, but not gravely so. It is good that you made amends with her!

Confessing venial sins is not required, but it is highly recommended. Venial sins are absolved in confession even if you have not confessed them.

The Act of Contrition you used is a good one. For your next confession, just tell the priest that this is your second confession, and he will help you. Your opening words are “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been …(time) since my last confession.” Then ask for help.

Confession once a week is fine, but ask the priest about scrupulosity.

Peace be with you

Thank you for answering my questions.

I thought that I had commonly heard “forgive me Father for I have sinned.” Are both common and acceptable?
Peace be with you as well.

 

[Spirithound]

Thank you for answering my questions.

I thought that I had commonly heard “forgive me Father for I have sinned.” Are both common and acceptable?
Peace be with you as well.

Most welcome! I was only taught “Bless me Father…”, but it’s never a bad idea to ask around

 

[seeker_of_God]

Most welcome! I was only taught “Bless me Father…”, but it’s never a bad idea to ask around

OK, well I’ll trust you since I have no idea.

By the way, just noticed the link to your group in your signature. Thank you for linking that.

 

[bpbasilphx]

You followed the priest’s lead. You did exactly what you were supposed to do.

Think of it as cleaning a very dirty room. The more trash you take out, the more you see to improve. Then later you see to work on the dirty woodwork and spots on the wall.

 

[seeker_of_God]

You followed the priest’s lead. You did exactly what you were supposed to do.

Think of it as cleaning a very dirty room. The more trash you take out, the more you see to improve. Then later you see to work on the dirty woodwork and spots on the wall.

Thanks! That is encouraging.

My mother agreed to take me to confession whenever I need to go, so I thank God for that. I definitely need the grace that comes from confession.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Thanks! That is encouraging.

My mother agreed to take me to confession whenever I need to go, so I thank God for that. I definitely need the grace that comes from confession.

God bless your mother! We all go to confession once a month as a family, but I have also told my children that I will take them whenever they ask. So far that has only occurred when we didn’t all end up going together at our usual time because of some scheduling issue; however, as you say the grace we receive during confession makes us stronger in resisting temptation–so take advantage of it, even if you only have venial sins to confess!

 

[seeker_of_God]

We’ve been trying to figure out a way for me to get at least to weekly mass, and preferably daily mass as well. Things looked hopeless for a while, but there are a few things going on now and it looks like at least one of them should work out, hopefully.

My mom though agreed to take me to confession today, for my 2nd confession. I wanted to go, because I had lied last Sunday. How mortal it was I don’t know because it was more instinctive to protect myself, but I felt horribly about it, and wanted to confess it before my trip tomorrow out to franciscan University. There were a few other things that I had trouble with that I wasn’t sure were grave or not as well.

She also felt driven to take me to the daily mass, which I was so happy about.

I was actually much more nervous this second time. I asked the priest to help me in what I was supposed to say, so he did so. I confessed as much as i could think of, even though some things I wasn’t sure were mortal, but things I certainly wanted help with. he also allowed me to bring up some things I forgot to mention in my first confession.

The greatest part of it was that he asked me if there was anything I wanted help with from God. So I told him three things I especially needed help with, and he gave very good spiritual advice.

Though this sacrament really makes me nervous, I really feel great when I get out of there.

 

[jmcrae]

Thanks. I’m going to try to get to confession on Tuesday I think, since that’s the soonest my parish has it.

Well the sins I’m not sure about I’m going to confess anyway, but I’m not so sure the priest will be interested in answering when a lie is grave and such like things?

It often depends upon the priest, but there are many priests who take delight in answering questions and helping us to become better Catholics - it’s part of why they became priests, in the first place.

So I guess as long as the confession is valid, my questions that remain is about if the small lie I mentioned is grave, what is counted as a sin against the fourth commandment, and what to actually do in my next confession, what to say and such.

You just make the sign of the Cross, mention that it has been (how long) since your last confession, and then you just say what you did. He will then offer you advice (this is a good time to ask him any questions that you may have), give you your penance, and then he will ask you for your Act of Contrition - either during or after this, he will give you the Absolution and then he will bless and dismiss you.

 

[seeker_of_God]

It often depends upon the priest, but there are many priests who take delight in answering questions and helping us to become better Catholics - it’s part of why they became priests, in the first place.

You just make the sign of the Cross, mention that it has been (how long) since your last confession, and then you just say what you did. He will then offer you advice (this is a good time to ask him any questions that you may have), give you your penance, and then he will ask you for your Act of Contrition - either during or after this, he will give you the Absolution and then he will bless and dismiss you.

jmcrae,

Thanks. I think a question I have still is whether the act of contrition I’m using is OK? It’s odd because it mentions my resolve to confess my sins, but at that point I already have done so, so it seems redundant.

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

Anyway, I like this priest because he mentioned looking to the Blessed Virgin Mary as an example of humility, since I told him I am having a problem with pride. He talked about actual humility vs. false humility, which agreed with what I was reading from St. Teresa of Avila last night.

 

[jmcrae]

jmcrae,

Thanks. I think a question I have still is whether the act of contrition I’m using is OK? It’s odd because it mentions my resolve to confess my sins, but at that point I already have done so, so it seems redundant.

The one you’re using is more often used in preparation for making a good Confession, but it’s still a good one. If it bothers you a lot, you can just omit the phrase about confessing your sins.

I usually say something like:

**My God, I am sorry for my sins with my whole heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against You whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend to do my penance, strive to do good, and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Our saviour Jesus Christ suffered and died on the Cross for my sins; for His sake, may the Lord have mercy on me. Amen.
**
I memorized it a really long time ago, and I’ve probably messed up some parts of it, but it’s what makes sense to me when I’m in there. No priest has ever complained about it.

Which brings up another point - over time, your prayers will become your own. Don’t worry too much about saying them exactly as they are printed - just make sure to mean them from your heart.

 

[peary2]

Will it be OK to go to confession say once per week if I need to? I was doing OK for the last several days until today when I lied once and got a little upset with my mother, so I’ll definitely be going back to confession very soon, whenever I’m able to.

You should get yourself a spiritual director with whom you can meet about every month. This could be either a priest, a sister (nun) or brother, a deacon, etc. He or she does not have to be a member of your parish.

A good thing about a spiritual director is that you can discuss these matters of concern with him or her.

Sometimes finding a spiritual director is hit or miss. When you find one, give it about six months to see if both of you ‘gel’ together. If it is not working out, then find another.

 

[Bluegoat]

I think the thing with gluttony is that it means taking an unnatural interest in food. Food is good for us, it tastes good, we need it to live. It is important to try to eat a healthy diet, to buy food that is ethically produced, and it is ok to really really enjoy eating it.

There are a number of ways we can begin to let food preoccupy us - by eating too much, or eating too little, or becoming obsessed with every detail - it must always be the best and trendiest, or only whole-grain, or spending all day thinking about it. Or becoming picky, or trying to control other people by demanding certain types.

With venial sins, I find it is best to concentrate on those that are a regular problem or are disruptive. They are the most likely to grow into a bigger problem or be reflective of a bigger problem.