Did my Goddaughter acquire a second Godfather at confirmation?

[Joseph]

Hello!

May I ask your (name removed by moderator)ut to the following situation and questions below?

I’ve tried to be an active Godparent to my now teenage Goddaughter, who lives in another state. I think we have as close a relationship as one can have across distance.

I recently traveled to her state to attend her confirmation and left her confirmation Mass confused about who’s a Godparent and the relationship/distinction between the Godparent and the confirmation sponsor.

I was in the general congregation and I was surprised (and a bit upset) when the bishop continually addressed the sponsors as the candidates’ Godparents, etc. I had understood that Godparenthood was established at Baptism as a special and unique bond with, and responsibility toward the Godchild, for which there may only be only one Godfather and/or Godmother.

As a result, I’m also afraid that my Goddaughter (and perhaps her sponsor) may also have the wrong impression that the sponsor is now my Goddaughter’s Godfather.

My dilemmas and questions:

• If the bishop presumed that not all the sponsors are also Godparents, then did my Goddaughter’s confirmation sponsor become her second Godfather (or enter into a shared Godparent role with me), as the bishop seemed to imply?

• If the bishop presumed that all the sponsors were also the youths’ baptismal Godparents, then I’m afraid my Goddaughter and her sponsor (who is one of the youth directors) may be under the impression that her confirmation sponsor is now also her Godfather, because the bishop didn’t qualify it as otherwise. What suggestions can you offer to address this reality?

• Granted that all church members have a responsibility for helping others grow in the faith, how are the Baptismal Godfather (Godparent) and the Confirmation sponsor distinct and related in their standing, roles and relationship to the confirmation candidate?

• Isn’t it more appropriate for the Godparent to also sponsor the Godchild in Confirmation? Or is it more common or appropriate that confirmation sponsors are different people from the Godparents?

Your perspectives in helping me check mine would be most appreciated.

God bless!

 

[Phemie]

The recommendation is that a godparent also be the confirmation sponsor (Canon Law refers to both as sponsors). Sometimes that’s not possible so another sponsor is chosen – the case with all 3 of my children – or the parents present the child themselves without a sponsor.

While her confirmation sponsor will probably play a role in her life, he does not replace you as Godfather. He made no promises the way you did. I have never, in 10 straight years of attending and/or helping prepare confirmations, heard sponsors referred to as godfather or godmother. I can only assume that the bishop thought that each child was using his/her baptismal sponsor.

 

[IrishAm]

The recommendation is that a godparent also be the confirmation sponsor (Canon Law refers to both as sponsors). QUOTE]

Interesting. I’ve never heard that. Is that a local preference or universal? Is there specific Canon Law in support of it?

I’m not challenging it – just wondering . . .

 

[Phemie]

Phemie;3730758:

The recommendation is that a godparent also be the confirmation sponsor (Canon Law refers to both as sponsors). QUOTE]

Interesting. I’ve never heard that. Is that a local preference or universal? Is there specific Canon Law in support of it?

I’m not challenging it – just wondering . . .

Code of Canon Law:

SPONSORS

Can. 892 Insofar as possible, there is to be a sponsor for the person to be confirmed; the sponsor is to take care that the confirmed person behaves as a true witness of Christ and faithfully fulfills the obligations inherent in this sacrament.

Can. 893 §1. To perform the function of sponsor, a person must fulfill the conditions mentioned in ⇒ can. 874. (Refers to the canon on sponsors at baptism)

§2. It is desirable to choose as sponsor the one who undertook the same function in baptism.

So, a sponsor is not manditory for confirmation but if used the godparent is preferred. Note that the sponsor is expected to do more than show up and put a hand on the child’s shoulder – ideally he/she should have been involved in the preparation and able to attest to the fact that the confirmand is ready to receive the sacrament and then help the confirmand live up to the obligations of one who has been confirmed

 

[IrishAm]

Thank you for the sources. I’m never to old to learn – especially on these boards!

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I have heard the terms used interchangably, even before the current canon code. In fact, one of my goddaughters and I joke about my being her “fairly odd parent” even though I am her confirmation sponsor.

However, a confirmation sponsor does not replace the baptismal godfather, or the godmother for that matter.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hello!

May I ask your (name removed by moderator)ut to the following situation and questions below?

I’ve tried to be an active Godparent to my now teenage Goddaughter, who lives in another state. I think we have as close a relationship as one can have across distance.

I recently traveled to her state to attend her confirmation and left her confirmation Mass confused about who’s a Godparent and the relationship/distinction between the Godparent and the confirmation sponsor.

I was in the general congregation and I was surprised (and a bit upset) when the bishop continually addressed the sponsors as the candidates’ Godparents, etc. I had understood that Godparenthood was established at Baptism as a special and unique bond with, and responsibility toward the Godchild, for which there may only be only one Godfather and/or Godmother.

As a result, I’m also afraid that my Goddaughter (and perhaps her sponsor) may also have the wrong impression that the sponsor is now my Goddaughter’s Godfather.

My dilemmas and questions:

• If the bishop presumed that not all the sponsors are also Godparents, then did my Goddaughter’s confirmation sponsor become her second Godfather (or enter into a shared Godparent role with me), as the bishop seemed to imply?

• If the bishop presumed that all the sponsors were also the youths’ baptismal Godparents, then I’m afraid my Goddaughter and her sponsor (who is one of the youth directors) may be under the impression that her confirmation sponsor is now also her Godfather, because the bishop didn’t qualify it as otherwise. What suggestions can you offer to address this reality?

• Granted that all church members have a responsibility for helping others grow in the faith, how are the Baptismal Godfather (Godparent) and the Confirmation sponsor distinct and related in their standing, roles and relationship to the confirmation candidate?

• Isn’t it more appropriate for the Godparent to also sponsor the Godchild in Confirmation? Or is it more common or appropriate that confirmation sponsors are different people from the Godparents?

Your perspectives in helping me check mine would be most appreciated.

God bless!

If you were the Godfather listed on the Baptismal register them you are the Godfather. If there was a Godmother listed on the Baptismal register then they are the childs Godmother.

The Confirmation sponsor is just that the Confirmation Sponsor, they do not replace or add to the Godparent(s).

The Bishop just assumed that the sponsors were the Godparents, which is normal. One of the Godparents should be the Confirmation Sponsor. If you don’t mind me asking why were you not up there, since you were there?

 

[kage_ar]

Second with the question, why were you not the Confirmation Sponsor? It seems odd, since you are involved with your Goddaughter.

 

[Phemie]

Second with the question, why were you not the Confirmation Sponsor? It seems odd, since you are involved with your Goddaughter.

Maybe they didn’t expect him to be there since he lives in another state.

I must say that I was very happy when my goddaughter called to ask me to be her confirmation sponsor and very thankful that we were posted close enough to be able to say "YES!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

When I was confirmed, back in the 8th grade, the church was too small to allow for each confirmation candidate to have their own sponsor. So, they chose a man(whom I did not know) to be the sponsor for all the boys, and a woman, to be a sponsor for all the girls.

For me at the time, it was a pretty meaningless ceremony. The part I remember best is getting a great fishing pole and reel, as a gift.

Jim

 

[kage_ar]

Maybe they didn’t expect him to be there since he lives in another state.

I must say that I was very happy when my goddaughter called to ask me to be her confirmation sponsor and very thankful that we were posted close enough to be able to say "YES!

In my experience, early in the Confirmation process, the sponsor question comes up. The question is will the godparent be sponsor or will they choose another sponsor - it is always explained that distance does not prevent a godparent from being the sponsor - they can be represented via proxy.

The only times I’ve seen a non-godparent sponsor is when the godparent has left the Faith. When there is an involved godparent, they are the confirmation sponsor.

 

[Phemie]

In my experience, early in the Confirmation process, the sponsor question comes up. The question is will the godparent be sponsor or will they choose another sponsor - it is always explained that distance does not prevent a godparent from being the sponsor - they can be represented via proxy.

The only times I’ve seen a non-godparent sponsor is when the godparent has left the Faith. When there is an involved godparent, they are the confirmation sponsor.

Since proxies are not mentioned anywhere, in a case like that we’d just have the parents present the child without a sponsor present.

 

[Joseph]

Thanks to all for your replies.

To those who asked…although we do live far apart, I’ve been known to grab a red eye to be there for the kids’ special sports events, graduations, and now for her confirmation. So, I don’t know. I might just have to live with the fact that she may have wanted someone else to sponsor her.

 

[Phemie]

Thanks to all for your replies.

To those who asked…although we do live far apart, I’ve been known to grab a red eye to be there for the kids’ special sports events, graduations, and now for her confirmation. So, I don’t know. I might just have to live with the fact that she may have wanted someone else to sponsor her.

Please don’t think that. In the parish where my 2 older kids were confirmed it wasn’t even suggested that we have one of their baptismal sponsors be their sponsor (DD had MY goddaughter as her sponsor, DS1 had one of the men we saw at Mass all the time). That may well have been the situation in your goddaughter’s case.

I only know the canon because I’ve been working at this for the last several years and the diocesan catechetical coordinator knew her stuff and was a personal friend. DS2 had the parish catechetical coordinator, she’s more family than friend, for his confirmation sponsor. His “godfather” was actually a Christian witness so didn’t qualify (and even if he had, he’s a convicted pedophile so didn’t want him around) and his godmother was 4000 miles away and hadn’t seen him in 12 years. He doesn’t even know her.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I have been added in as confirmation sponsor, and never thought I was ever replacing the godparents. If anything, the confirmaiton sponsor is kind of the “spare” in these situations. You have history with her, my dear, as well as a spiritual relationship, Joseph, one just as real to the Church as if she’d been born to you.

 

[Joseph]

Dear Friends,

I’m moved by your comments and kindness in replying. I’m much more clear about the situation and realize I had some initial feelings that blurred my understanding. I’ve also realized my need to review my sacramental theology! Thanks very much!

 

[janny36]

Thanks to all for your replies.

To those who asked…although we do live far apart, I’ve been known to grab a red eye to be there for the kids’ special sports events, graduations, and now for her confirmation. So, I don’t know. I might just have to live with the fact that she may have wanted someone else to sponsor her.

Joseph, I completely understand how you feel. I am the Godmother to my niece and I have actively participated in every single event since she was born. I travel 3 hours approximately 6-12 times a year. I attend everything that I possibly can for her. I always buy her two gifts for her birthday and for Christmas to distinguish between being from her aunt and one from her Godmother. I’m also very active in my faith. Her confirmation is this weekend and she chose her cousin to be her sponsor. Her cousin lives much much further away. I plan to be at her confirmation but I am confused and a maybe a little hurt that I’m not her sponsor. I’m also confused in what my responsibilities are as her God parent for this really important sacrament. I have no idea what to buy her as a gift either because I don’t want to step on the toes of her sponsor. I am also trying to be graceful and accept it and I’m trying not to take it personal. I pray that her chosen sponsor will be a good role model to my niece in regards to living the Christian faith.