Did she ask me out?

[SomeCatholicGuy]

OK, I met this girl at a Bible study. We kept trying to make arrangements so that we’d both be at the weekly Bible study, but something always came up. The last time she and I were both there, we didn’t get a chance to talk. Anyway, I gave her my phone number through email, but she was on vacation and so didn’t reply for quite a while. I recently got an email from her, and she wanted to going to the Bible study together - she and I live in the same town/suburb.

I am interested in this girl, and I hope the feeling is mutual. So I’m kinda wondering whether she did in fact ask me out? I was thinking of making a counteroffer and asking her to go to Mass with me this Sunday, and if that went well, we could go out to get coffee/lunch afterwards.

What do you all think? Thank you in advance!

 

[MrS]

What book are you studing?

Think of some questions about the book, give her a call, and ask her what she thinks.

It will maybe open the conversation for you… then meet at the Bible study. Perhaps the prior conversation will prompt you to ask if she wants to actually go together (in the same car), or go together (sit next to each other once you get there).

Mass is too important to use as a first “date”.

IMHO

.

 

[true_believer]

I wouldn’t consider going to Bible study or Mass together as a date, but spending time together in those circumstances can be the start of a relationship. I would say that if you want to go out with her, just ask her to dinner after Bible study or go to a Sunday brunch. You could also see if she wants to go to a movie/ dinner on the weekend, ect. Right now both of you are probably still testing the waters, so just focus on getting to know her, and let things happen as they may.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Thank you for the advice so far. One reservation I have is that if she and I went together to the Bible study, we’ll immediately be seen as a couple, and that’s why I wanted to suggest going to Mass first. That said, I want to do only things that she’s comfortable with. So far, we’ve got differing opinions on whether attending Mass together would be too much for a first “date.” Any more opinions would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

[ack]

One reservation I have is that if she and I went together to the Bible study, we’ll immediately be seen as a couple, and that’s why I wanted to suggest going to Mass first.

Are you sure? Around here, I don’t think people would think anything like that.

I’m still not convinced that she’s interested in you…she might just be looking for someone to hang out with.

Spend some time with her, and see how she acts around you. Then you’ll know if she’s interested or not. The Bible study seems like a good way to get to know someone.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Are you sure? Around here, I don’t think people would think anything like that.

Maybe I should’ve worded it differently, but it’s possible that people will think that. Not that I care what other people think, but since it is a group that she and I both go to, it could prove “interesting.” Also, it was another girl who initially introduced me to that group, and I’m pretty sure that she was interested, but things didn’t work out. Last time I was there, both girls were there, and it was a bit awkward; maybe it wasn’t for them, but it was for me - I didn’t see one of them until after I waved to the other, and then neither one talked to me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but a guy’s instincts are worth something at least, right?

I’m still not convinced that she’s interested in you…she might just be looking for someone to hang out with.

It’s quite possible that she’s just looking for a friend, and really at this point, it’s impossible to tell. One thing we know for sure is that she doesn’t dislike me and seems to trust me, and that’s a good thing.

Spend some time with her, and see how she acts around you. Then you’ll know if she’s interested or not. The Bible study seems like a good way to get to know someone.

I agree. I try not to have any expectations, but we’ll see how it goes. I think I’ve made it quite obvious that I’m interested (given her my phone number and everything), so if she weren’t interested, I don’t think she’d keep in touch with me without letting me know all she wanted was something platonic. At any rate, things will become clearer when I see her next time. In the meantime, I’ll just keep things friendly.

 

[ack]

I think I’ve made it quite obvious that I’m interested (given her my phone number and everything), so if she weren’t interested, I don’t think she’d keep in touch with me without letting me know all she wanted was something platonic.

I doubt that she’ll say anything like that unless you make your attraction explicit. I don’t think giving her your phone number is much of a hint. I must have given my phone number to dozens of people of both genders, but I don’t think either of us ever interpreted that as a hint.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I doubt that she’ll say anything like that unless you make your attraction explicit. I don’t think giving her your phone number is much of a hint. I must have given my phone number to dozens of people of both genders, but I don’t think either of us ever interpreted that as a hint.

No, I’m not saying that giving out your phone number is automatically a hint; it depends on the situation. If it were a business function, then of course there’s no hidden meaning attached if you handed out your business card; if you were in a bar, and a guy gave you his phone number, would you not consider that a hint? Trust me on this one - if a guy is interested, most girls will be able to tell.

 

[chevalier]

Thank you for the advice so far. One reservation I have is that if she and I went together to the Bible study, we’ll immediately be seen as a couple, and that’s why I wanted to suggest going to Mass first. That said, I want to do only things that she’s comfortable with. So far, we’ve got differing opinions on whether attending Mass together would be too much for a first “date.” Any more opinions would be appreciated. Thank you.

Hey, wait a second.

First, you would go with her to Mass and it wouldn’t make you seen as a couple, but going together to the Bible study would? This is a bit sensitive.

Second, going together to a Bible study is just what it is - making the way together and arriving together. Nothing, absolutely nothing out of order there. And no, she didn’t ask you out, although you can tell she doesn’t mind walking a bit with you.

Third, you seem a bit afraid of being perceived as a couple with her. In the situation you describe, it’s unlikely. People will just think, “they came together, well, maybe they’re becoming friends or dating or something,” and move on to their lives.

Courage. Go with her, don’t be afraid of being seen with her if she isn’t. Make up your mind on whether you’re interested or not. Enjoy the friendship, the dating, the whatever else instead of overthinking it. Most of all just be yourself.

Now on to the other post.

Maybe I should’ve worded it differently, but it’s possible that people will think that. Not that I care what other people think, but since it is a group that she and I both go to, it could prove “interesting.”

That’s life. At least something happens.

Also, it was another girl who initially introduced me to that group, and I’m pretty sure that she was interested, but things didn’t work out. Last time I was there, both girls were there, and it was a bit awkward; maybe it wasn’t for them, but it was for me - I didn’t see one of them until after I waved to the other, and then neither one talked to me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but a guy’s instincts are worth something at least, right?

That’s admittedly awkward and your instincts are probably not unfounded, but don’t put too much weight on it. The other girl will still know sooner or later anyway. Be friendly with both of them, they’re your friends after all.

It’s quite possible that she’s just looking for a friend, and really at this point, it’s impossible to tell. One thing we know for sure is that she doesn’t dislike me and seems to trust me, and that’s a good thing.

But of course. You display “initial interest” (you aren’t completely decided), she seems to get along with you, it’s fine. At this point you can’t really tell and she probably can’t either. Just take it for what it’s worth, be it friends or whatever else comes out. Friends are great to have. Be natural. You need to make a good impression and avoid hurting her (or that other girl or some other people), but it’s not like you need to enact a scenario perfectly or you’ll suffer forever.

I agree. I try not to have any expectations, but we’ll see how it goes. I think I’ve made it quite obvious that I’m interested (given her my phone number and everything),

Interested yes, but at that point it’s more like interested in knowing her. It’s too early to tell what will come out of it. She probably knows you’ve taken a liking to her and enjoy her company, plus you give her attention. That’s all she knows for now, I guess.

so if she weren’t interested, I don’t think she’d keep in touch with me without letting me know all she wanted was something platonic.

Maybe or maybe not. She’s interested in getting to know you as well, and enjoys your company. Whether that means she might be romantically interested is hard to tell.

By the way, platonic is without physical expression. Platonic love was something comparable to asexual love, in gross simplification. That’s not exactly what a friendship should look like. Yes, I know I’m being picky.

At any rate, things will become clearer when I see her next time. In the meantime, I’ll just keep things friendly.

I’d say keep it natural. Avoid drama and stiff atmosphere and you’ll be fine.

And by all means take her to a cafe on Sunday after Mass.

 

[1ke]

I’m a woman, so I feel qualified to answer.

There is no way to know if this is a “date” or whether she’s “interested” unless you ask her. It is really a bad idea to ask other people to speculate because they don’t know and they filter through their own experiences.

If you don’t think asking her is something you can/want to do, then you need to do *this *instead:

1. 
   *]Take her up on her offer to ride together to bible study. You should not “counter offer” with some other suggestion.
   
   *]Then, get her phone number, call her, talk to her, and ask her out on a real date-- one you pick her up for and pay for-- separate from bible study. Lunch, dinner, a movie, coffee, or something similar. Don’t text her, don’t email her-- ask her.
   
   *]Then, you take it from there one date at a time. She will respond to your overtures with interest or not. Then you will know.

 

[Emily2009]

I met my boyfriend at church/youth group. And, it’s wonderful–it’s great to be able to share your faith with someone, to grow in faith with them.

As for whether or not she likes you, perhaps she likes you as a friend, now, perhaps she likes you as more than one, but it can grow. In the beginning, Grant and I hung out mainly at church functions, it was a safe haven–we had other people around, we weren’t singled out and such, nobody seemed to care that we were getting closer.

If you like her, ask her how she feels. Chances are, if she keeps asking you if you’ll be around and such, she’s at least interested in you, and possibly in dating you.

 

[jwashu]

A girls asked you out and you are interested… go, I’m not sure what the issue is here.

Joe

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

Thanks again for all your advice! I replied to her email, and asked if she would’ve liked for me to pick her up on Monday and drive there together. I held off on asking to go to Mass together, which I will save for a later date, possibly. Wish me luck!

 

[jwashu]

Good luck and more importantly prayers!

Bible study, what a great way to start a relationship!

Joe

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I think I’ve made it quite obvious that I’m interested (given her my phone number and everything), so **if she weren’t interested, I don’t think she’d keep in touch with me without letting me know all she wanted was something platonic. **

**So she is supposed to come out and say “hey, we know each other and you gave me your phone number and I’d like to continue doing platonic things with you but please don’t assume that means I want to date you”???

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

So she is supposed to come out and say “hey, we know each other and you gave me your phone number and I’d like to continue doing platonic things with you but please don’t assume that means I want to date you”???

No, of course not. If that were the case, she would most likely just ignore me.

As a girl I would be most likely to assume friendship and let the guy know if I had stronger feelings.

Trust me on this one, most women would not be that forward in telling a guy that she likes him.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Trust me on this one, most women would not be that forward in telling a guy that she likes him.

**
LOL, you’re funny. I AM a woman. I have been in relationships. I was so good at one of them that I actually got married.

I didn’t mean to imply that a girl would come right out and say “I like you, let’s date”. But you basically said that she MUST be interested in you as more than a friend since she was still in contact with you without actually telling you she ONLY wanted to be your friend.

If I were in her situation I would assume friendship first and let things develop naturally. No need to say “I only want to be friends” unless you were acting in a way that she found inappropriate:shrug:**

 

[CB_Catholic]

Oh, just pick her up for the Bible Study Monday night, and then ask her if she wants you to pick her up the next Monday, etc., and see what happens. See how the conversation goes during the rides to and from, and then later ask her out for coffee after one of the Bible Studies. Take it easy, build a friendship. Your instincts should tell you something as time progresses. And don’t worry about the others.

 

[Nechasin]

Who knows? It is very possible. Just be careful on if she tells you that she only dates friends. That is not necessarily a bad thing. She may think of you as a friend who she wants to date. That is what happened with my DW and me. It looks promising. If things go good at coffee, ask her out to do something else. She will get the idea that you are interested in something more and should tell you if that is not her intentions.

 

[strngrnrth]

No one asks someone out by asking to share a trip to a group event like a Bible study where you would have been in contact even if you hadn’t shared the trip. Asking someone “in” isn’t asking someone out either – it’s simple hospitality. Except in circles I’ve heard of where it’s a euphemism, but she isn’t likely to do things like that either. I’d assume it’s platonic right up until she gets annoyed (if she feels that way) and does something obvious. She would probably drop hints.
Suppose you make a regular habit of hanging out with her. You’re buddies hanging out. She seems preoccupied. She starts fluttering her eyes at you and asking how long it’s been since you had a girlfriend. You ask her what she likes most about the way you two can just hang out and be friends. If she says, “The security of knowing it will stay this way,” you misread her. But, if she says, “All the unknown possibilities,” ask one more time, “So, do you feel better being single right now or are you considering getting into a relationship sometime soon?” She might back away with something like, “I haven’t met anyone yet that I feel that way about,” and get uncomfortable and look away. That’s a sign she’s ambivalent. But if she says, “Well? How about you? You’re alone too, right? Do you get lonely?” And she looks searchingly at your face, as if for encouragement, ask her out for real. Don’t bungle it by saying, “We’re on a date now, aren’t we?” Say something like, “I wish I could invite you somewhere I could show you how much I think about you, like a film festival that made me think of you, and maybe dinner somewhere a little quieter. I like being your friend but I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want you to be alone. What do you say?” If she gets insulted you misread her, and she really needs to work on her communication skills because in that scenario she’s been miscommunicating badly. All you have to do then is apologize and stop hanging out with her for a while until her friends tell you she’s not mad. But if she says, “Where do you want to meet?” suggest one of you pick the other up. Assure her it’s on you.
The problem with dating a friend is that the friendship will be in danger and therefore women are reluctant to take that risk even if they would like to date you. Always make it clear you value the friendship as such.