Did your mom work? What was your experience?

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My mom is a SAHM of 3. It has its ups and downs. She’s very very into making sure we’re perfect. In some ways, it’s good that she pushes us to get good grades and behave. She also has a fixation though on how I dress (and I dont mean like not slutty, if something isnt color coordinated or flattering she flips out) and she sometimes is way too restrictive because I’m her job. Also, my dad is a business executive who was n’t around a lot when I was younger, so I also have trouble relating to him, although he tries a lot.
 
My mother was a good Catholic sahm of 6. She was also bored out of her mind, frustrated, isolated and lonely. She took it out on us. Looking back, as a mom of three myself, I think the best thing she could have done would have been to get a part time job and give herself a little bit of life outside of us. We all would have been much happier. I actually felt sorry for her once I reached junior high on and felt responsible for her unhappiness. I also didn’t respect her as much as I felt I should because she was so unhappy as a SAHM yet too worried about other people’s opinions and my dad’s opinion to do what would have been best for her, and us.
 
JMJ Theresa:
My mom babysat the neighborhood until I was six, then she went to nursing school for a LPN. Then, a couple years later, she went to school part time, worked part time, and studied the rest of the time. She graduated first in her nursing class!! My dad was a teacher, first in Catholic schools (poorly paid) and then in public (much better). He coached three sports and taught summer school. To say the least, my parents weren’t available much.

During Mom’s school/work days, we didn’t see her. It lasted six years. After graduating, she resumed fulltime hours. Shortly after, my sister had trouble with drugs, promiscuity, shoplifting, and my brother became an alcoholic. We went from almost nightly family dinners to eating in front of the tv. While I didn’t get into serious trouble, I remember being very lonely for my mom.

However, my parents paid for my college and my brothers. We had braces and extra cars to drive in high school. My mother grew up in poverty and felt she was providing a better life for us. My grandmother lived in and was our housekeeper/babysitter.

In any case, I was wondering if your experience growing up has affected how you structure your family. For me, it has made me determined to be a SAHM. I’m sure for others who had a more positive experience, working motherhood is just the way to go.

Or, has it not really affected you one way or another–you are just adapting to your life’s circumstances?

I don’t want to be critical of anyone’s choices. I’m just wondering how our children will feel in twenty years.
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I have a friend whose parents worked full time througout his whole life, sometimes coming home very late at night. As a child he spent his days in daycare or with his grandmother. Both he and his brother turned out very well. They are successful academically, have many friends, and are in great health. They also have a great relationship with their parents.

I think the reason is that his parents did a very good job when they were home: family dinners every day, quality time together, vacations etc.

My mother stayed at home, and as a teenager I had some of the problems that your sister had. I think the reason was my parents’ style of parenting and my own poor decision making.

If you want to be a stay at home mom, go ahead, but don’t do it because you think that doing otherwise will harm your children.
 
My mom and dad both worked. My mom is a pediatrician. In grade school, she worked full time but doctors in her practice each got 1 day off per week. She split her’s over 3 afternoons so she could be home. The other two, my sister and I usually went to daycare or a friend’s house. We both turned out fine (well, I’d like to think I did, at least). Later (I was a freshman in high school), she took a different job with more hours, so she is home about 2 afternoons a week, but since my dad runs his own law firm, he comes home to drive my sister to dance.

My sister has a 4.33 GPA now, I graduated high school with a 4.67. She dances, I ran varisty cross country and did martial arts. My sister is now in Confirmation and helps out doing bulletin boards at our church. Here at school, I’m probably going to be helping my church get a youth group going since they don’t have one but want to start.

Eamon
 
Thank you everyone for your replies. What I am learning is that a mother’s contentment may be the pivotal factor to whether SAHM is working. It reminds me of the old proverb “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” 😃

Also, it seems to me that if both parents work, it seems essential that there be family dinners. I am also convinced by one poster’s concern about latchkey kids and the potential for trouble in the time between school letting out and parents returning home.
 
My mom was a stay at home mom and went back to school when I was in college. I’m glad she was a SAHM, but I wish she would have taken some time for balance, to work out and spend time with friends a few times per month or had some more hobbies. I think it would have made her a happier mom!
 
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Peace-bwu:
My mom was a stay at home mom and went back to school when I was in college. I’m glad she was a SAHM, but I wish she would have taken some time for balance, to work out and spend time with friends a few times per month or had some more hobbies. I think it would have made her a happier mom!
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**I think you hit the nail on the head. BALANCE. Just because a stay at home mom’s *first ***priority should be her family, that does not mean that it has to be the only thing in her life.

There is plenty of room for personal interests, friends, hobbies etc as long as they don’t hold more importance than the family. But I don’t think a job fits in there. Why? Because a job is inflexible. If your boss says “do this before you leave” you say “yes sir” because you don’t want to be fired. If your kids say “mom I need help with homework” as you are on your way out the door to work you say “sorry honey, mama’s going to be late…bye bye”.
**I personally don’t buy the whole “if mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” deal. I mean, it’s true, but ultimately it’s up to mama to make it work. If I find myself as a mom feeling frustrated or bored or whatever, it is up to me to figure out a better way to cope. Deciding that a part time job would make ME happy wouldn’t serve my family’s best interests. It may be as simple as a mild attitude adjustment. You know? **
Malia
 
Right, Malia, I didn’t mean that Mama had to make herself happy at the expense of her family. Just that moms need to find contentment in their vocation as wives and mothers.

This is a very thought provoking thread. I am reexamining some of my preconceptions. For example, I would think it would be a good thing for a dad to work very long hours or more than one job** if it is necessary** so his wife could be SAHM. Now, I am wondering when I read how some really felt the loss of their fathers when their fathers worked alot. :hmmm:

I just read an article about a devout Catholic mother of nine who is very careful to take daily prayer time (in front of the tabernacle), time to herself to relax, and exercise. She seemed to have a very balanced life. However, she was well off and could afford a babysitter daily for a couple of hours. I don’t think this is an option for most moms of big families. So, how to find the balance… I guess it is a topic for another thread.
 
like most of the mothers of my friends, my mother stayed at home with her 6 kids. she did not drive and in any case we never had more than one car until the older kids started working. She got a job when the younger ones were in high school because my dad got laid off after 29 years at his company (8 months short of retirement, he never got a pention check from them). that’s when she learned to drive, my youngest brother taught her. Dad never had more than part-time work until he died 5 years later. She worked another 5 years, then an aunt died and left her a nice little income, but she died shortly after. They both died of smoking-related cancers.

she took her role as wife and mother seriously, and as a college graduate strongly felt a good mother should be well educated since she should oversee the education of her children. She was well read, intelligent, and cultured, and raised us to be able to read, understand and discuss ideas, commentary and literature.
 
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**Deciding that a part time job would make ME happy wouldn’t serve my family’s best interests. It may be as simple as a mild attitude adjustment. You know? **
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**No, I don’t know. My mom had hobbies, they came and went. She had had a career before marrying and having babies and she loved it and it was very fulfilling for her. I don’t think the hobbies gave her what she needed. A job would have put her back in touch with her old self – the one that was competent, and independent and complete in and of herself. I believe that having that option a few days a week would have made all the difference to her, and it certainly wouldn’t have harmed my dad or us kids, even if it wasn’t flexible. Really, it would have been ok for us to have a less than immaculate home and big dinners every night. It wouldn’t have hurt my dad to come home from work and have to fix dinner and help with homework and fold some laundry a few nights a week. The benefit to mom, and to us, of having her happy and confident would have been worth it. Although mothers must make enormous sacrifices for their families, they’re not the only ones who are supposed to sacrifice to make the family work.
 
My mom went back to work full time when I was 6 yrs old, I was miserable to say the least 😦
She was not home until 5:30 each day so my older sister and brother watched me after school and they were always cross and busy with homework and usually got after me for every little thing 🙂
When my mom got home from work, she was stressed, making supper, helping with homework, doing laundry, dishes, etc.
Dad got home in the summer even later as he worked long hours in construction, I missed my mom and having time with her.

The only plus was in winter my dad didn’t work so he was home and that was really nice, he made all the meals, helped with the homework and my mom was less busy in the evening since dad had most everything done, then she had more time to spend with us.

My mom went back to work so that we would have better insurance and she could not have more children at that point as she had a hysterectomy, she was depressed at home ( I found that out as an adult) and work kept her busy.
Of course as a child, I hated not having mom home when I got home from school, I wish she would have gotten done with work the same time school finished but that was just how it was.

As an adult, I understand that she needed to work, she was depressed at home and I was the youngest and she felt she needed something more and work was just so good for her, she needed to feel needed and she really liked her job.

So, my personal experince is that I was a kid who would have liked mom to be home after school but… I was fine and grew up fine and now that I’m an adult, I do understand why she felt the need to work and we all turned out fine and I just love mom like crazy, so no harm done 😃
 
This is a very interesting topic that I have thought a lot about. I am getting to the age where I am thinking about marriage and family and I wrestle with the stay home vs work issue.
My mother was home until I was nine years old. But I never remember her not being VERY busy even when she was a stay at home mom. I came from a small town and my father had his own law office…therefore he had a lot of flexibility and could leave work for us kids whenever.
I never remember feeling neglected when my mother went back to work…but I again wonder if the small town thing had something to do with that.

Now I live in a city (DC) and I think kids miss their working moms a lot more here b/c the work world here is a lot more strict. Mom’s that work seem to be constantly dealing with scheduling issues b/c the work world is not very kind to giving moms time off for kid related issues.

However, my aunt is a stay at home mom in a city and her kids think that she is just SO out of touch with the real world and society by being a stay at home. I notice it with her too…she is completely absorbed with her kids lives (innapropriately so) b/c she doesn’t have a life of her own.

It is a tough call.
 
My mother was a SAHM until I went to school–she then worked as a substitute teacher generally 2-3 days a week. My father was a teacher at the same school.

I too agree that contentment has a lot to do with it. My mother was very content working a few days and staying home a few as well. She also was and is involved with many organizations which got her out of the house 1-2 nights a week for meetings and what not.

Growing up I can honestly say I didn’t start thinking about it that much until I was probably in my Jr high years–quite honestly I myself couldn’t comprehend why you wouldn’t want to go to college–why you would want to depend on a man’s money to do the primary bill paying ect…and even now while I understand the choice…I’m not sure if I comprehend it as easily as I think a “good Catholic girl” should…

It’s funny that my father was more of a “feminist” than my mother–he always said that a girl should buy herself a new car and live on her own before ever marrying a man (both of which I did). He also told me never to go into teaching as it is a an underpaid profession and that I was smarter than that…
 
Yes, my mom worked before she married, raised and homeschooled 4 children - while working, and is now a wonderful working grandmother.

She is truly the example of the Good Woman in Proverbs. Thank GOD for such an example!
 
My mom worked part time at night as a nurse. She always worked at least one night, sometimes more, and supported the family when my dad was laid off. She was home, but asleep, and so didn’t really keep and eye on us.

I attribute some of the problems in our family to that lack of attention, and so I refuse to work a job where I cannot be home to care for the kids after school (not that I have any jon right now, LOL)
 
My mom stayed home with me until I was about 3 years old. Then, she tried to get a job working part time in the catalog dept. at JC Penney’s. According to my mom, this was very traumatic for me and she ended up quitting her job in order to stay with me (I love my mom!!)

Then, when I began kindergarten, she got a job at a law firm as a legal secretary and usually got home around 6:00 p.m. The best days were the ones when she would stay home from work and I knew she would be there when I got home from school. Just thinking back on those days and how I felt fills me with joy.

I would have loved if my mom didn’t have to work, but sometimes she was the sole breadwinner when my dad would get laid off (he worked in the automotive industry and was subject to many layoffs). So, I understand that it was necessary for her to work. Luckily, I live close to her now and can visit often. We also work a few blocks away from each other and can take lunches together. I suppose this time is making up for having a working mom!
 
My folks split up when I was young, so mom was working during my early elementary school years. I would come home to an empty house, and, frankly I loved it. I would go in the basement and play with matches and spray cans (like I saw James Bond do in Live and Let Die), or I would invite friends over and do sexual things with them.

Mom got too sick to work when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, and so all that had to stop. I really resented the loss of freedom, but looking back it was probably for the best.
 
Thank you for posting this!

My mom was home a majority of the time. She did work part time at a grocery store or cleaning houses, but she was always home when we got home from school. She was home to help with homework and dinner was hot & on the table every night! It was nice having mom at home!
 
My mom is a nurse and worked the entire time I was growing up. I am the 3rd of four. When I was younger, my mom worked nights so she could be home with us babies, When we started school, she found help by getting the best babysitter in the world…Grandma Stella. She was an old woman on disability who would come over and be with us and fold laundry while my mom worked 8 hour shifts at the hospital. She loved us and we had a great childhood. My mom always raised us to believe we were the smartest and most beautiful and is still a great mom. My dad left her when I was 18, and so it was good she was so self reliant, my oldest brother has CP and she still needed to take care of him. She is older now but still works as a lamaze teacher, telephone nurse, and picks up a few shifts at the hospital a few times during the month.

I choose to stay home with my kids, but I know that if I needed to go work I could make it work for my family and still be an effective parent. My mom would have loved to stay home, but it truly wasn’t a possibility, and she always did her best. I appreciatte that.
 
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