Did your parents sway your decision on where you went to college?

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thequietsinger

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A small backstory. I’m currently a junior in high school, and I have been researching colleges that have the area I want to get my degree in (English), and are Catholic based. I know my parents will most likely not agree with the colleges I’d like to attend because of their views on Catholicism, but I do want to tell them that I am looking into these colleges.

Now, my main worry is that they will try their best to say the most negative things about Catholic colleges, and will ultimately “forbid” me to go there. My Mom did say that as long as it benefited me educationally and financially, and I wasn’t going to a specific college because someone else was, that I could attend my college of choice. No offense or anything, but just so I’m not questioned about it, I will be the one paying for my college education, which I am perfectly fine with and have no argument about the subject.

Questions: Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this, whether it related to a Catholic college or not? Did your parents ever tell you that you couldn’t go to a certain college? How do you think I should bring the subject up to them? Should I do what I think is best, or should I just do what my parents want so they don’t hold it against me, if they do? I’m sorry for all of the questions. If you need clarification on anything, please let me know. I would be more than happy to give further explanations 🙂

I hope you are having an excellent day! 😃
 
No, my parents did not attempt to sway me or push me to a certain college.

If you are paying your own college expenses, I am unsure exactly how they will “forbid” you from going. This is an adult decision and it really is not their decision.

If they are contributing financially, then perhaps they have some say as it pertains to being an affordable option or not.
 
1ke said:
If you are paying your own college expenses, I am unsure exactly how they will “forbid” you from going.
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Sorry about that. I should have been less vague about that 😊 Forbid me, as in doing all they can to prevent me from going to a specific college.
 
thequietsinger said:
Sorry about that. I should have been less vague about that 😊 Forbid me, as in doing all they can to prevent me from going to a specific college.
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How exactly do you think they will do all they can to prevent you from going to a specific college if YOU are paying for it?

Keep in mind that if you burn bridges with your family about going to a specific school, you may come home on Christmas break to a bedroom that had been converted into a study, sewing room, or man cave. lol.
 
Nope, I wouldn’t have allowed them to sway me. But, they didn’t put a cent towards my education or even living expenses.

When I have kids I won’t push them into any specific school, or even size of school or geographic area. But if they want to go to one that’s religiously affiliated they won’t get any financial help from me.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
How exactly do you think they will do all they can to prevent you from going to a specific college if YOU are paying for it?

Keep in mind that if you burn bridges with your family about going to a specific school, you may come home on Christmas break to a bedroom that had been converted into a study, sewing room, or man cave. lol.
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Because they are so set against the Catholic Church/faith.I have a feeling that my parents, especially my Dad, will make me and my life miserable should I happen to be accepted into a Catholic college, especially if they know how much it would mean/means to me. They would probably make me feel guilty for “going against them,” meaning not abiding by their beliefs. Therefore, I may be prevented from going because of guilt in not obeying them.

It wouldn’t surprise me if they did! 😛 They’re always talking about turning my room into a family room, which is fine. I don’t have to have a bedroom, and I don’t expect them to keep my things at their house. For Christmas break? Heh, I’d be content sleeping in a chair. Not the first time I’ve done that for a long period of time! :rolleyes:
 
If you’re responsible enough to be paying for your own education, you’re likely mature enough to resist pressure from your parents. They’ll get over it.

The one thing I would try to dissuade you from is an English major, however… (unless you plan to enter law school, etc.) I can say this, as an English major who graduated from a major Catholic university. As expensive as a university degree is these days, you had better be darn sure that you will be employed.
 
First, let me ask… what colleges / universities are you thinking about?

I would suggest you keep the following in mind when dealing with this:
  1. Lots of non-Catholics attend Catholic Universities. Even non-Christians (I knew Jewish students who attended both Villanova and Georgetown). Many Catholic universities do not evangelize or push the Catholic Faith on the student body. Especially, the ones with a diverse population. However, the good news is that they provide easy access to the faith, foster an atomsphere where one doesn’t have to worry about “not being cool because he went to Mass,” and provide religious instruction to those who wish it.
  2. Focus more on the fact that you want to attend XYZ University/College because of their academic programs and the fact that you will be surrounded by many students who believe in Christ.
  3. Focus on the fact that many public / secular colleges have lots of atheist professors and atheist students. Lots of students Catholic or Orthodox can lose their Way at secular schools (I was one of them).
  4. Plus a Catholic College is better than a Protestant one 🙂 Truth be told, there simply are not a lot of Orthodox colleges. One website I visited orthodox-christianity.org/life/education/institute/ only lists 15 world wide.
Basicly emphasis that you want to attend a college that has a great academic reputation and surround yourself with people of good moral character.

HOWEVER, if that doesn’t work and you wind up attending a public or secular school, there are tons of colleges/universities which campus ministries which you can attend. These campus ministries (or Newman Centers) offer many services like a local parish including a priest, daily or weekly mass, confession, special study halls and dinners for Catholic students, etc. You can see more info at: ccmanet.org/index.php?option=com_findcampus&view=findcampus

Good luck, God Bless and let me know how it turns out.

Phil
 
Wherever you go, I would suggest combining the English major with at least a concentration of classes in a different area. For instance, business, Spanish, Chinese, Arabic or something that sounds either practical or hard.

As has been mentioned, private school is awfully expensive for an English major. If your parents refuse to fill out a FAFSA (which they might well do) and refuse to help pay, I really cannot recommend going to any private school unless you get an amazing merit scholarship or you have some funds of your own (like a trust). Read a few of the online sob stories about liberal arts majors with $100k student loans and their sufferings and think about whether you can’t read the great English classics at home.

nytimes.com/2010/05/29/your-money/student-loans/29money.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2
 
My family didn’t push me toward a certain school, but they did push me toward a certain degree. It wasn’t to be mean, they just thought I’d be good at it and wanted to see me succeed.

I really regret listening to them. I really wanted to go to Franciscan in Ohio. But I was really nervous about living on my own. No one supported me and tried to quell those fears, so I chickened out and when to a local college, so that I could live at home.

What I’m really getting at, is that you need to let your family know that you want the education that your school of choice provides. If you don’t stand up for yourself now you will most likely regret it.
 
Bear in mind, you can always take English classes later and there will be book clubs or online discussions for you to participate in.

One unfortunate effect of studying literature as a major or in graduate school is that one often winds up liking it a lot less than when one started. I did an MA in Russian literature which has pretty much cured me of any interest in the subject.
 
This is probably of no help, but I’ll say it anyway because it might be.

My parents had no objection whatever to my “choice” because it really wasn’t much of a choice. They did have a conceptual problem with the State U because at that time and place it was at least mildly anti-Catholic. But I didn’t want to go there anyway, and couldn’t have paid for it. I was offered a scholarship at another State U and to a Catholic college. Either way, they had no objection. I chose the Catholic college because the money was the same either place and because I had gone to a public high school and felt a gap in my education in the faith. I had never laid eyes on the place until the day I arrived there to attend, and my parents had no problem with that either.

My mother had a college education, but my dad left school in the ninth grade, so they valued education a lot and weren’t too choosy how I got it. If I didn’t get scholarships, it would have been the Navy for me, as an ordinary seaman, and they weren’t really keen on that; such was the reputation of sailors at the time.

So, while your parents might have an insurmountable opposition to your going to a Catholic college, sometimes the “value” argument can work. But it does sound like the opposition might be insurmountable, in which case you can back down and go to a public college, with which they’ll probably be okay. But if you join the Church at some point, going to a Catholic college will be the least of their objections.

I don’t know any Orthodox people, but I know lots of Protestants who would disown a fellow for joining the Catholic Church…at least for awhile. I have seen blowups and acceptance too.

So, bottom line, since your possibly joining the Church at some point will be a far, far more opposed thing, it seems to me you might as well feel the heat now. They might decide to be more forgiving later on if they think you went down a “slippery slope” and got deceived, than they might be if one day you suddenly announce that you joined the Church. Then they can blame the Catholic college more and you perhaps less.
 
My parents wanted me to go to Berkeley. I went somewhere else instead because they gave me more scholarship money.
 
dixieagle said:
If you’re responsible enough to be paying for your own education, you’re likely mature enough to resist pressure from your parents. They’ll get over it.

The one thing I would try to dissuade you from is an English major, however… (unless you plan to enter law school, etc.) I can say this, as an English major who graduated from a major Catholic university. As expensive as a university degree is these days, you had better be darn sure that you will be employed.
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I am looking at majoring in English to become an English teacher. I do understand that I will need to get a teacher certification in order to teach, and it is something I have been thinking about for the past year and a half. At first, I thought about becoming an elementary school teacher. But I found, after many years of volunteering in the local elementary school, that it wasn’t for me. That is when I began looking into the different areas of courses I would love to teach, to see what I would really want to do. I would love to major in Catechetics, and be a Catechetics teacher. However, seeing as I’m female, I don’t think there would be much of a chance for employment on my end from what I’ve researched. I don’t know that for sure, of course, so if someone knows the rules about this, I’d be very appreciative for you to correct me!
 
My parents left all of my college decision making to me. They also left the bill to me, the paperwork to me, the planning on where I was gong to live to me, the living expenses to me, the dealing with the financial aid offices to me, and the procuring of transportation to another city to me. They prefered to support me emotionally. (Whatever that means.)
 
thequietsinger said:
I am looking at majoring in English to become an English teacher. I do understand that I will need to get a teacher certification in order to teach, and it is something I have been thinking about for the past year and a half. At first, I thought about becoming an elementary school teacher. But I found, after many years of volunteering in the local elementary school, that it wasn’t for me. That is when I began looking into the different areas of courses I would love to teach, to see what I would really want to do. I would love to major in Catechetics, and be a Catechetics teacher. However, seeing as I’m female, I don’t think there would be much of a chance for employment on my end from what I’ve researched. I don’t know that for sure, of course, so if someone knows the rules about this, I’d be very appreciative for you to correct me!
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You could double major in English and secondary education, leading to certification.

On what level would you want to teach Catechetics? I can think of plenty of opportunities for women; in fact, most of the catechists I know are women.

You could pursue a degree in theology, which could lead to teaching in a Catholic high school, or to graduate study. Lots of possibilities.
 
thequietsinger said:
I am looking at majoring in English to become an English teacher. I do understand that I will need to get a teacher certification in order to teach, and it is something I have been thinking about for the past year and a half. At first, I thought about becoming an elementary school teacher. But I found, after many years of volunteering in the local elementary school, that it wasn’t for me. That is when I began looking into the different areas of courses I would love to teach, to see what I would really want to do. I would love to major in Catechetics, and be a Catechetics teacher. However, seeing as I’m female, I don’t think there would be much of a chance for employment on my end from what I’ve researched. I don’t know that for sure, of course, so if someone knows the rules about this, I’d be very appreciative for you to correct me!
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Have you thought about majoring in education? I originally wanted to teach at the high school level and I was majoring in Secondary Education with a concentration in English. You can major in English, but you won’t get the education courses that will help you with teaching.
 
PS- If you plan to go into teaching, I highly recommend that you do not take out a significant amount of student loans.
 
thequietsinger said:
I am looking at majoring in English to become an English teacher. I do understand that I will need to get a teacher certification in order to teach, and it is something I have been thinking about for the past year and a half. At first, I thought about becoming an elementary school teacher. But I found, after many years of volunteering in the local elementary school, that it wasn’t for me. That is when I began looking into the different areas of courses I would love to teach, to see what I would really want to do. I would love to major in Catechetics, and be a Catechetics teacher. However, seeing as I’m female, I don’t think there would be much of a chance for employment on my end from what I’ve researched. I don’t know that for sure, of course, so if someone knows the rules about this, I’d be very appreciative for you to correct me!
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Teaching is a noble choice. The fact that you are female will not prevent you from teaching Catechism classes at a Catholic School or at CCD. When I went to CCD, I think all of the Catechism teachers were female and the Director or Religious education was female too. There are lots of ministry for female catholics… they are just not ordained. 👍
 
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