Difference between discussing and gossip

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Woman1987

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I am in a very difficult situation. I live in an apartmemt with an older lady and three girls. They very immature, they for example listens to gospel music until midnight or later so the older lady cant sleep. When I speak straight forward to them about it they do not see the point. The older lady starts to talk to me like, it is so anoying they didnt do their dishes, they are respectless, i could not sleep becausr of the music, she is lacy etc. The problem is that i start answering with political correct answers but then it is like i cant controle myself anymore and then we continue for about an half an hour amd then I start to mention negative things about their character, like that one is foolish and that i suspect that she has a psychiatric disorder. The problem is that i do not know where is the line between gossip and discussing something and i do not know how to not get involved in talking bad without totally ignore the older lady. Could you give me some guidelines?
 
I think the difference is whether or not you are discussing something that has an effect on you directly.

For example, it would be gossip for me to be discussing with my coworkers about a relationship between a supervisor and an employee. It would not be gossip if I were discussing with a fellow coworker about a situation that he and I were in that caused coworker #3 to be fired because of coworker #3’s poor decision. Its gossip when you are discussing things that you have no business discussing, because it could ultimately lead to unfounded conclusions and could hurt someone else’s reputation because of your assumptions. Its not gossip when you are listening to an elderly lady vent about her frustrations and possibly help her find solutions to the problem.

Do keep in mind though, that it is very much possible to listen to someone and help them solve the problem WITHOUT speaking negatively about someone’s character. It’s a matter of just being aware of the situation, the conversation, and controlling what you are saying.
 
Well its an apt. and who owns it, there needs to be some rules set down. I would have a fit if music kept me up till midnigh and my roomates did not do their dishes. Is the older lady telling you this because your in charge? I’m on the older ladies side, something needs to change. someone needs to quit talking about it and resolve the problem. Maybe thats why shes telling you.
 
This is always a tough question. As human beings we are made to share our burdens, and most of our burdens are caused by other people (whether innocently, or not). We must somehow listen to others’ stories and difficulties without going too far in criticising the people who causing those difficulties and indulging our desires to be involved in things which don’t concern us.

In your post you indicated two “cut off” lines. When you and the older lady get into dicussions of the other girls personalities and lifestyles then you know it has gone too far. Stick to that boundary. Also, you said the discussions go for half an hour, which you know is too long.

I suggest that you also try and have some “purpose” in these discussions, by bringing them back to “What are we going to do about it?”.

One way to tell whether it is going too far is to ask “How would I feel if Jesus were to walk in on this conversation?”
 
Thank you for your advice. I decided to talk to my roommates and I told them that it is better that we should not talk about each other’s back anymore. I also talked to the woman who bringsme in temptation to gossip and that I think that it is better not to ventilate her frustrations towards me anymore, as an innocent conversation can lead to sinful behaviour and gossiping.
 
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