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Allegra
Guest
More like different locations. Servers in the US depend on tips. They are paid basically nothing by their employer. If you don’t tip them, you are essentially stealing from them.
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Tis_Bearself
Patron
Yes, tipping is a huge controversy in the USA. It used to be the tip was considered a “bonus” for good service and if you had bad service you did not leave a tip, and the typical tip a few decades ago was 10 percent of the bill. Nowadays, because the servers and other service workers are paid little, they expect everyone to leave 20 percent just as a matter of course. Although there’s been controversy over this (and whether you should always tip in cash even if you pay with a card because some employers will keep the tips charged to the card and not give to the server), it is generally expected for people to tip at least 15 percent in USA at sit-down restaurants and beauty salons, and preferably 20 percent or even 25 percent.
In many other countries, people don’t generally tip because the employees are paid enough that it’s not necessary, and you are probably also charged a higher price for the food or services.
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Viki63
Guest
I agree with HelenRose, go along for the fellowship and order a cup of soup or a small salad. Or tell them you’re doing intermittent fasting and today is a fast day, but you can have tea or coffee!.
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SkyRose123
Guest
Don’t let your frugality destroy or hurt your relationships. When that happens you know you’ve gone overboard.
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PacificNorthwes
Guest
I think your coworkers just want you to join them. People bond at work by doing things outside of work. Having coffee is nice, but usually lunch times are longer and allow more time for socializing. If you make it clear that you are saving money and won’t be able to reciprocate if someone buys you lunch and they still want to pay, I’d say go ahead and let them pay.
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pianistclare
Guest
It’s also why the service is often not great as well.
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Allegra
Guest
I don’t have extensive travel experience, but I’ve been to the UK and Ireland and for the most part, I found that the servers don’t act as thought they’re being held against their will. I think most intelligent people realize that whether their being paid by the employer or directly from the customer, their livelihood depends on whether or not the customer will eat there again.
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pianistclare
Guest
We eat out in Ireland too. With the exception of one Italian restaurant run by 2 Czech guys (I know, right? ) every server acted lie she just wished people would go away. Even buying a second cup of coffee seems to elicit rolled eyes.You get the impression you’re just a bother, and we tip well.
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ToeInTheWater
Guest
Maybe that’s because you were a tourist? I can certainly think of those in the industry who roll their eyes at tourists but are happy to go the extra mile for regular customers.We eat out in Ireland too. With the exception of one Italian restaurant run by 2 Czech guys (I know, right? ) every server acted lie she just wished people would go away. Even buying a second cup of coffee seems to elicit rolled eyes.You get the impression you’re just a bother, and we tip well.
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pensmama87
Guest
Clare’s not a tourist, although she is an American. Her husband is Irish.
I have never understood the idea that anyone in the service industry would treat paying customers poorly. You have to work, might as well make the best of it.
At any rate, Angie, I would not make assumptions about what these people do or don’t think about money. Assume it’s a gesture of friendship, and either accept sometimes, or accept and buy something small, or give your regrets and offer another alternative for a different day that fits your budget better. Or some combination of those. I’m a frugal person too, but I still have a small amount set aside every month for entertainment and friendship type activities, even if it’s just enough for coffee a couple times .
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Anglewannabe
Guest
It’s been my experience that once people find out, it is not because I am poor, it is because I like to save, then the argument really start. Once people know I have the money they put more pressure on me to spend it. I can’t count how many lecture I have been given about ‘nobody pays cash for a car and loans are the way to go’. I don’t want to give them any amunition to start naggigin me.
Perhaps, but morally, I can not accept such gifts when I have no intention of returning the favour. I don’t use people
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Anglewannabe
Guest
When did I ever say I don’t tip? Not to mention I find it very odd you would tell me to tip when I clearly stated I won’t be going to restaurants?
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pianistclare
Guest
We have a home and a cattle farm there. Joe says in college, waitresses would stare at you until you left.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
I don’t think that it is. I always say 'I don’t like to spend money on restaurant food but I would love to meet for an inexpensive activity like coffee
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Anglewannabe
Guest
I would probably cave and order a meal and regret it. Nothing worse than watching people eat IMO
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pianistclare
Guest
A “gift” is not a moral conundrum.
One graciously accepts gifts. That’s not using people. Why would you think that?
That’s being friendly and appreciative.
Totally different.
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pensmama87
Guest
I would not volunteer that much information. Talking about money is usually considered very socially inappropriate, unless you know a person well. You don’t need to offer a reason when you decline, but proposing an alternative activity yourself signals that you are interested, just not available for the specific activity they suggested. (And you should supply the “when” in addition to the “what.”)
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Allegra
Guest
Then maybe it’s because you aren’t a tourist? I was a tourist and I don’t remember any problems.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
really? I always though that in a friendship there is give and take and one would be expectated to give back.
I just think of a situation where for 5 years every so often someone treats me to supper, I never pay for them and then I show up with a new car I paid cash for. That wouldn’t make the other person feel used?
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Xantippe
Guest
Oh, wow!
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