different financial priorities

[mommy_k]

really? I always though that in a friendship there is give and take and one would be expectated to give back.

I just think of a situation where for 5 years every so often someone treats me to supper, I never pay for them and then I show up with a new car I paid cash for. That wouldn’t make the other person feel used?

Nope…not if you tell them you are saving for something that’s important, and say thank you…

That’s how to accept any gift, and consider it that. You also do not have to reciprocate.

Also, If they are spenders, a lunch bill is no big deal. A constant rejection may lead them to think it’s something else.

 

[pianistclare]

really? I always though that in a friendship there is give and take and one would be expectated to give back.

I just think of a situation where for 5 years every so often someone treats me to supper, I never pay for them and then I show up with a new car I paid cash for. That wouldn’t make the other person feel used?

No, friednship is not a thing in which you keep score.
People treat me all the time, they tell me it’s because I’m fun to be with. PLus, they know I work at a church and am not exactly rollin in dough.

5 years between dinner dates is not exactly a burning friendship.

Don’t fret over the car. Eventually they’ll stop inviting you if you’re cheap.
I would accept all the invitation I could if I were you. Why not?
No fun being the odd person out all the time.
Maybe when you get your sweet ride you can treat everyone to a latte at your favorite coffee shop!

Everyone likes to ride in a new car. You can graciously accept their congratulations and make up for missed opportunities to reciprocate.

 

[Allegra]

No, friednship is not a thing in which you keep score.
People treat me all the time, they tell me it’s because I’m fun to be with. PLus, they know I work at a church and am not exactly rollin in dough.

5 years between dinner dates is not exactly a burning friendship.

Don’t fret over the car. Eventually they’ll stop inviting you if you’re cheap.
I would accept all the invitation I could if I were you. Why not?
No fun being the odd person out all the time.
Maybe when you get your sweet ride you can treat everyone to a latte at your favorite coffee shop!

Everyone likes to ride in a new car. You can graciously accept their congratulations and make up for missed opportunities to reciprocate.

Something about your post made me think of this…

youtube.com/watch?v=ZBzFq3M291U

Maybe it’s late and I should go to bed!

 

[Rosebud77]

More like different locations. Servers in the US depend on tips. They are paid basically nothing by their employer. If you don’t tip them, you are essentially stealing from them.

Oh dear! I meant that I never eat out or go anywhere that tipping is applicable . And believe me, I could not afford to tip. Stealing indeed’ Demanding a tip from me would be stealing from an old lady who has far less than they do !!!

 

[Rosebud77]

Don’t let your frugality destroy or hurt your relationships. When that happens you know you’ve gone overboard.

I honestly would not want the kind of relationships that would be impacted by my chosen or needful way of life .

 

[Rosebud77]

**Clare’s not a tourist, **although she is an American. Her husband is Irish.

I have never understood the idea that anyone in the service industry would treat paying customers poorly. You have to work, might as well make the best of it.

At any rate, Angie, I would not make assumptions about what these people do or don’t think about money. Assume it’s a gesture of friendship, and either accept sometimes, or accept and buy something small, or give your regrets and offer another alternative for a different day that fits your budget better. Or some combination of those. I’m a frugal person too, but I still have a small amount set aside every month for entertainment and friendship type activities, even if it’s just enough for coffee a couple times .

Still a visitor as we prefer to call them. Does make a difference.
I get treated with respect by checkout staff etc always, .

 

[Rosebud77]

Then maybe it’s because you aren’t a tourist? I was a tourist and I don’t remember any problems.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Oh dear! I meant that I never eat out or go anywhere that tipping is applicable . And believe me, I could not afford to tip. Stealing indeed’ Demanding a tip from me would be stealing from an old lady who has far less than they do !!!

Um…servers get paid about $2/hr. If you can’t afford to tip, don’t eat there. It’s not stealing from you, but you should consider it as part of the cost of the meal before even going in.

 

[Allegra]

Oh dear! I meant that I never eat out or go anywhere that tipping is applicable . And believe me, I could not afford to tip. Stealing indeed’ Demanding a tip from me would be stealing from an old lady who has far less than they do !!!

If one can’t afford to tip, then not going anywhere tipping is applicable is a reasonable way to go. Just like not going into the grocery store and expecting to walk out with a bag of apples and not pay for them. Or going into the hardware store and telling them that you don’t like the tattoo on the person who mixed your paint so you’re only paying half the price. I personally think the US tipping practice should be abolished. Servers should be paid full wages for their work. Period. It IS stealing for someone to go into a place of business and demand a service, then claim they are too poor to pay for it. If you are too poor to pay your server, then don’t eat there. It’s that simple.

 

[pianistclare]

Still a visitor as we prefer to call them. Does make a difference.
I get treated with respect by checkout staff etc always, .

I am a legal resident and a citizen of Ireland and you know it.
Stop taking opportunities to slam me.
Reported.

 

[Irishmom2]

Still a visitor as we prefer to call them. Does make a difference.
I get treated with respect by checkout staff etc always, .

If you want to call an Irish citizen that has lived his whole life there and moved away several years ago a visitor, what does that make someone that is from another country and moved to Ireland?

Please, this is not what the OP is asking about, she is asking something about herself, not you opinion of Clare and her husband.

 

[Irishmom2]

If one can’t afford to tip, then not going anywhere tipping is applicable is a reasonable way to go. Just like not going into the grocery store and expecting to walk out with a bag of apples and not pay for them. Or going into the hardware store and telling them that you don’t like the tattoo on the person who mixed your paint so you’re only paying half the price. I personally think the US tipping practice should be abolished. Servers should be paid full wages for their work. Period. It IS stealing for someone to go into a place of business and demand a service, then claim they are too poor to pay for it. If you are too poor to pay your server, then don’t eat there. It’s that simple.

I agree, the whole tipping practice is ridiculous. Pay someone for doing the job, not relying on the customer to pay their wages if they feel like it. The employer makes out fine and the server is, well, you know.

 

[Anglewannabe]

No, friednship is not a thing in which you keep score.
People treat me all the time, they tell me it’s because I’m fun to be with. PLus, they know I work at a church and am not exactly rollin in dough.

5 years between dinner dates is not exactly a burning friendship.

Don’t fret over the car. Eventually they’ll stop inviting you if you’re cheap.
I would accept all the invitation I could if I were you. Why not?
No fun being the odd person out all the time.
Maybe when you get your sweet ride you can treat everyone to a latte at your favorite coffee shop!

Everyone likes to ride in a new car. You can graciously accept their congratulations and make up for missed opportunities to reciprocate.

oops. I meant that that someone would treat me every couple of weeks to a meal for 5 years and then I buy a car. IOW they would have paid for over 50 meals.

 

[pianistclare]

oops. I meant that that someone would treat me every couple of weeks to a meal for 5 years and then I buy a car. IOW they would have paid for over 50 meals.

WOW! People must love you!
Wish I had friends like that!

 

[CradleJourney]

oops. I meant that that someone would treat me every couple of weeks to a meal for 5 years and then I buy a car. IOW they would have paid for over 50 meals.

I agree that being treated every couple weeks by the same people would be letting them overdo it.

On the other hand, letting them treat you once every month or two with you reciprocating by inviting them to a less expensive event (free concert in the park, coffee as you mentioned, a night of board games at your place) would (imo) balance out fairly evenly.

 

[Irishmom2]

I agree that being treated every couple weeks by the same people would be letting them overdo it.

On the other hand, letting them treat you once every month or two with you reciprocating by inviting them to a less expensive event (free concert in the park, coffee as you mentioned, a night of board games at your place) would (imo) balance out fairly evenly.

Or invite them to your home for a home cooked meal. Make it really nice (which does not necessarily mean expensive) and you are pretty much even.

 

[mommy_k]

oops. I meant that that someone would treat me every couple of weeks to a meal for 5 years and then I buy a car. IOW they would have paid for over 50 meals.

Friends are not going to treat you to lunch for 5 years every couple of weeks… No no no. Especially if you choose not to reciprocate in some manner…yes it’s a choice on your part.

Why do you friends only use lunch and,dinner to socialize anyway?

Are these after church friends? Or coworker friends that only get together at meals? I’d this is the case, then your pretty much sunk if you don’t regularly pay your own way. It’s social etiquette. Accepting that they treat you once or twice is different then them paying all the time…if you choose not to pay for yourself ever, or reciprocate, you cannot maintain this. It’s give and take.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Friends are not going to treat you to lunch for 5 years every couple of weeks… No no no. Especially if you choose not to reciprocate in some manner…yes it’s a choice on your part…

Agreed that was my original point

Why do you friends only use lunch and,dinner to socialize anyway?

That is my original question since these are church friends, neighbours etc. Not co-workers. So it baffles me they only want to do expensive things

 

[mommy_k]

Agreed that was my original point

That is my original question since these are church friends, neighbours etc. Not co-workers. So it baffles me they only want to do expensive things

All friendships are give and take, so they can plan other things that are,less expensive and you can plan to go and pay for yourself every once in a while…otherwise its not a friendship,.

Expensive activities rate more to them then your concerns…and saving for a car rates more to you then thier concerns. It’s a standoff.

 

[Xantippe]

WOW! People must love you!
Wish I had friends like that!

Yeah!