Difficult decision road block in my life

  • Thread starter Thread starter wiggbuggie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

wiggbuggie

Guest
so I am engaged but I’m having doubts and second thoughts of getting married. First my family doesn’t accept her and does not support me of getting married. Second I wonder if this lifestyle (marriage, family) is for me or being single is better for me. I have an urge to focus on my hobbies and interests. I feel married life I would be too busy to have time to myself or do the things I love to do.
 
wiggbuggie said:
so I am engaged but I’m having doubts and second thoughts of getting married. First my family doesn’t accept her and does not support me of getting married. Second I wonder if this lifestyle (marriage, family) is for me or being single is better for me. I have an urge to focus on my hobbies and interests. I feel married life I would be too busy to have time to myself or do the things I love to do.
Click to expand...
Those are two pretty good indicators that you need to step back and perhaps be honest with your girlfriend and maybe even yourself.
 
wiggbuggie said:
so I am engaged but I’m having doubts and second thoughts of getting married. First my family doesn’t accept her and does not support me of getting married. Second I wonder if this lifestyle (marriage, family) is for me or being single is better for me. I have an urge to focus on my hobbies and interests. I feel married life I would be too busy to have time to myself or do the things I love to do.
Click to expand...
When you find the right person, you won’t care about that stuff.

I don’t think you love this woman enough to marry her.

(I suppose it’s true that there are some false positives–that sometimes people feel raging passion for people that are wrong for them, but the absence of a willingness to chuck everything for your beloved is a very bad sign.)
 
If you are having ANY doubts, best to hold off till when you are certain.
 
wiggbuggie said:
so I am engaged but I’m having doubts and second thoughts of getting married. First my family doesn’t accept her and does not support me of getting married. Second I wonder if this lifestyle (marriage, family) is for me or being single is better for me. I have an urge to focus on my hobbies and interests. I feel married life I would be too busy to have time to myself or do the things I love to do.
Click to expand...
The fact that you are even questioning it is a red flag.
The fact that your family doesn’t accept her is another.
If you think that your marriage will take a backseat, or that your hobbies and interests will possibly fall by the wayside, that’s a problem in the making.

You really need to figure this out before you possibly make a mistake.
 
If you feel married life would be to busy to leave time for yourself & the things you like to do; you had better wait until you are ready for commitments other than just yourself & your needs.
 
tawny said:
If you feel married life would be to busy to leave time for yourself & the things you like to do; you had better wait until you are ready for commitments other than just yourself & your needs.
Click to expand...
Yes.
 
First my family doesn’t accept her and does not support me of getting married.
Click to expand...
Without divulging too much personal detail, what is it exactly about your future spouse they don’t accept, and why wouldn’t they support you getting married?
Second I wonder if this lifestyle (marriage, family) is for me or being single is better for me. I have an urge to focus on my hobbies and interests. I feel married life I would be too busy to have time to myself or do the things I love to do.
Click to expand...
First, before you get married, please seek premarital counseling with your parish priest. My wife and I went to a traditional Catholic priest for about 4-6 weeks of classes, and they helped us tremendously.

One of the points the priest noted is that even though you are married, each partner still needs personal time throughout the week where they can be alone. Not all the time, just a portion of the week or month to be alone.

In Judaism, the wife actually takes leave about once a month for about a week or more during her “time of the month”. I.e., no touching and no sleeping in the same bed for about a week each month. This is an ancient tradition outlined in the Old Testament, and allows the couple some space every month to themselves. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Lastly, your spouse will complement your weaknesses with her strengths and vice-versa. You become a better, more well-rounded person. What hobbies or interests are you referring to which you feel your spouse would possibly inhibit?
 
StGerardMajella said:
One of the points the priest noted is that even though you are married, each partner still needs personal time throughout the week where they can be alone. Not all the time, just a portion of the week or month to be alone.
Click to expand...
I guess one of the questions the OP should ask is–how much of my time away from work do I want to spend with my spouse? If the answer is 80%, that’s workable. If the answer is 20%, I would not recommend marriage.
 
StGerardMajella said:
Without divulging too much personal detail, what is it exactly about your future spouse they don’t accept, and why wouldn’t they support you getting married?
Click to expand...
we are an interracial couple and my family especially my mom doesn’t agree. Me being 29 they think I’m rushing into it and think I’m too young her excuse saying how things where different back then people married early and young.
 
wiggbuggie said:
we are an interracial couple and my family especially my mom doesn’t agree. Me being 29 they think I’m rushing into it and think I’m too young her excuse saying how things where different back then people married early and young.
Click to expand...
That’s not very impressive.

Try to set that aside and think about the other stuff.
 
At 29, they think you are rushing into marriage?

What really matters in the end is that the two of you are mature and ready to marry. You have expressed doubts. Perhaps you should hold off and/or postpone the wedding (if a date has been set).
 
wiggbuggie said:
what does that mean? that my family is not an issue and I should focus on other things?
Click to expand...
Your families reasons aren’t that solid.

I’d be much more concerned about the fact that you don’t seem that excited about marrying her.
 
Xantippe said:
Your families reasons aren’t that solid.

I’d be much more concerned about the fact that you don’t seem that excited about marrying her.
Click to expand...
Yes. I think you should focus on why you think you’ll have no time for hobbies or interests. If you really feel that you would be better off single, you have lots of thinking to do. Only get married when you can say with 100% confidence that you wanted to do it and you don’t regret what could have been.

One question - how long have you and your fiancee been together for? If not very long, this may be the one point you should consider listening to your family on. The rest of their reasons aren’t ones you should take notice of, quite frankly.

Lou
 
Xantippe said:
I guess one of the questions the OP should ask is–how much of my time away from work do I want to spend with my spouse? If the answer is 80%, that’s workable. If the answer is 20%, I would not recommend marriage.
Click to expand...
And if the answer is 80%, but later it turns out she needs him more? What then? You can’t precalculate everything and that’s why this is the question of love, not of time. Do you love her the way Christ loves His Church (Eph 5 and others)?

If I were you, I’d screw the family opinion (Mk 3:21).

I agree you should step back if you have any doubts. You are also very young.
 
Lou2U said:
Yes. I think you should focus on why you think you’ll have no time for hobbies or interests. If you really feel that you would be better off single, you have lots of thinking to do. Only get married when you can say with 100% confidence that you wanted to do it and you don’t regret what could have been.

**One question - how long have you and your fiancee been together for? If not very long, this may be the one point you should consider listening to your family on. **The rest of their reasons aren’t ones you should take notice of, quite frankly.

Lou
Click to expand...
Right.
 
Xantippe said:
I’d be much more concerned about the fact that you don’t seem that excited about marrying her.
Click to expand...
Bingo.

While the decision to marry requires serious and mature consideration, the feelings that lead you there should really be feelings of excitement. “Wow, I’m so lucky that Jane wants to marry me and share our lives together!” If you don’t feel that way about her, then maybe she isn’t the right girl or maybe marriage just isn’t for you.
 
Getting married should not feel like being handed a big plate of Brussels sprouts–unless you LOVE Brussels sprouts.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top