Difficult family members

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CatholicMan64

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So over the last couple of months, family members have come back into my life. One is an atheist, one is gay and one is an anti-catholic protestant. In my personal life I don’t associate with such individuals. I love them as we are commanded. And I know certain situations force us to communicate and be around them, work etc. But, how do you folks deal with family members of this bent?

I don’t want to be around in social situations where our Lord’s name is profaned. I don’t want to have a beer and hear about an individuals gay lover. I don’t want to hear Holy mother church attacked. But I love them deeply and I know there in my life for a reason.

I need your council guys.
 
If they’re sharing their point of view, their lifestyle freely with you, I should think that you have the right to kindly share the truth with them. If they feel uncomfortable with this, then perhaps they’ll walk away. If they are angered, walk away.
 
When you walk away, be sure you walk away like this:

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
Everyone has family that irritate them, distance helps, getting another drink or piece of pie are good excuses.

For the Catholic conversations - Build your knowledge of the faith so when you hear false accounts you can first mention the fact of an inaccurate point, which typically will be followed by a question like ‘how so’.

Now you’ve got an ear of someone who isn’t used to giving an ear, rather lips about that which they do not know.
 
CatholicMan64 said:
So over the last couple of months, family members have come back into my life. One is an atheist, one is gay and one is an anti-catholic protestant. In my personal life I don’t associate with such individuals. I love them as we are commanded. And I know certain situations force us to communicate and be around them, work etc. But, how do you folks deal with family members of this bent?

I don’t want to be around in social situations where our Lord’s name is profaned. I don’t want to have a beer and hear about an individuals gay lover. I don’t want to hear Holy mother church attacked. But I love them deeply and I know there in my life for a reason.

I need your council guys.
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Wow. I’m sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. 😦

I have numerous atheist, gay, and protestant friends and relatives. They outnumber the Catholic ones by about 8 to 1. (Yep, as seen in other threads on CA, I, too, find my Catholic community to be difficult to socialize with or build relationships with.)

However, except for an occasional misuse of the Lord’s name - I have had no experiences like the ones you’re describing. And those occasions, I offer a gentle and friendly religious rebuttal. (Ex. In response to an exclamation of Jesus Christ’s name, when the speaker found out his puppy ate his shoe, I might say - Yes, may Christ bless us and give us patience when dealing with frustration. Usual response from them is a wide-eyed double take, a small laugh, and a reduction of the use when they are around me at least. Another friend who’s a former Catholic, tends to exclaim ‘Holy Mary, Mother of God’ - I, of course, simply finish the prayer for her, aloud, every time. Now she joins in with me 🙂 )

If these numerous friends/family of mine really were attacking my faith, or being deliberately (rather than habitually) careless with their words, then I’d have to discontinue the relationship. Instead we agree to disagree though and enjoy what we have in common (books, movies, kids, card games, running, etc.).

Perhaps a simple appeal to their better manners would work, a reminder that some things don’t need to be discussed in public, some language does not need to be used in some places, and that attacking anyone’s beliefs is not kind?
 
You asked how do you deal with it… I don’t really talk about religion as they know where I stand (they most likely do too in your family- word gets around) and it comes through my my actions. They pick up on that and appreciate actions such as feeding the homeless, building with Habitat for Humanity, etc.

Rarely are there questions but there have been some conversations about differences and other religions. If they want to know they’ll ask you, my best advice is don’t be preachy or lecture them. They are grown men/women, so if they have questions they know who to contact. They want to be around you, so relax and be yourself. Remember you’re their relative, not their pastor.

In time, people have picked up on me not liking them using the Lord’s name in vain. I didn’t say anything but they have apologized and it has slowly disappeared.
 
GEddie said:
I don’t get it.

OP: They are part of your penance, and you are their Gospel.

ICXC NIKA
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Agreed. Leaving fire in your wake doesn’t serve God well. There’s someone else that does that already.
 
No, the picture was to demonstrate that op should not feel guilty about someone else’s anger at him if he were to kindly share the truth with them. He should brush the dust from his feet and walk away from them with class, his head held high and his duty to God accomplished. Sorry, I suppose the picture was not an exact analogy.

But yes, a very spot-on post, Geddie.
 
CatholicMan64 said:
I don’t want to be around in social situations where our Lord’s name is profaned. I don’t want to have a beer and hear about an individuals gay lover. I don’t want to hear Holy mother church attacked. But I love them deeply and I know there in my life for a reason.
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Tell them this and ask if they can please respect your views and your religion.
If they continue to say things that make you feel disrespected and uncomfortable, tell them that you love them but you will need to love them from a distance unless and until they can respect your boundaries.
 
macstar said:
In time, people have picked up on me not liking them using the Lord’s name in vain. I didn’t say anything but they have apologized and it has slowly disappeared.
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I had an aunt who would respond to people taking the Lord’s name in vain by interjecting when they did it, “Yes, He died for me too.” That would usually stop it in a hurry.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Tell them this and ask if they can please respect your views and your religion.
If they continue to say things that make you feel disrespected and uncomfortable, tell them that you love them but you will need to love them from a distance unless and until they can respect your boundaries.
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I think this would be the polite thing to do with co-workers or situational acquaintances, but if a family member or friend is beginning to open up and shares personal details of their life with you, it might be a great good to enter into deeper, respectful conversation about personal beliefs.
 
You have a manners problem, really. Because I have all of that and more in my family but no one disrespects each other at family gatherings.

Handle it by asking for respect from these people. If they are unwilling or unable to be respectful then walk away.
 
faithsmind said:
I think this would be the polite thing to do with co-workers or situational acquaintances, but if a family member or friend is beginning to open up and shares personal details of their life with you, it might be a great good to enter into deeper, respectful conversation about personal beliefs.
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I generally agree with you - the key is deeper RESPECTFUL conversation.

Unless the family member involved is a surly teenager going through a phase, or has some mental impairment (example: a very old person who may be in pain that affects their behavior or be in an early stage of dementia) one expects adults to behave respectfully to each other. The person being a close family member does not make disrespect on either side OK. It may make it more forgivable, but it’s still toxic to be exposed to it.

I’ve seen a lot of hurt in my extended family and others by people who continue to be exposed to relatives’ toxic thoughts on religion or something else and don’t seem to be able to put them off or set a boundary because it’s their relative. You need to be able to set that boundary even if it is your parent, or your sibling. Maybe you set it in a different place than where you would set it for a more distant person, but you can’t just not have a boundary because the person is a relative.
 
faithsmind said:
No, the picture was to demonstrate that op should not feel guilty about someone else’s anger at him if he were to kindly share the truth with them. He should brush the dust from his feet and walk away from them with class, his head held high and his duty to God accomplished. Sorry, I suppose the picture was not an exact analogy.

But yes, a very spot-on post, Geddie.
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Yeah, I thought the picture was also just funny. 🤷

Anyways, I too think GEddie’s advise is spot on.

Many love to slander the Church, God’s name, and the institution of marriage. These people often are not enjoyable to be around. All you can do is let them know what you believe, and then continue to love them as you are already doing.

God bless!
 
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