Difficult Marriage Question

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CatholicWife1

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I am pretty sure that I have valid reasons to be granted an annulment from my husband. Before we were married he had misrepresented himself in our relationship (most likely out of immaturity). He did not open up about it to me until a year into our marriage. On top of that, after we were married he was abusive on several different occasions. However, he has made progress in changing his behavior and growing in his faith and I believe does love me. I love him with all my heart. Most of the world would probably tell me not to love him, but I do. I feel very guilty about staying with him despite my love for him. But if I open up to him about how I feel he will probably be completely heartbroken. Should I presume our marriage is valid and continue with life as is or am I not being wise and should get out before something else happens (even though I don’t think something else will happen)?
 
The presumption is always that the marriage is valid unless declared otherwise by the Church.

You love him with all your heart, but feel guilty about staying with him? Maybe I don’t understand. Marriage is a Covenant, not a contract. It is a 100% / 100% commitment. My thought is you need to look at the relationship with your husband (maybe with clerical or professional help.

If you open up to him and address the situations in a proper manner, you will both be, if not happier, more cognizant if the areas that need attention. Holding back does nothing to improve the relationship, but neither does blurting out problems in an uncharitable way.
 
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Mtatum1958 said:
You love him with all your heart, but feel guilty about staying with him?
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I don’t want to divulge any specific details. I am basically trying to find a reason to salvage my marriage because my conscience is telling me it’s not valid and abusive. Maybe it was unwise of me to post here. I am sorry.
 
I understand, and am grateful for you not going into explicit details. I don’t see it as unwise to post here.

If there is a current abusive situation, you need to protect yourself and children. as TheLittleLady mentioned, there are resources to help.
 
Its not “current”, because my husband has changed his behavior. Im worried that if someone (friend, family, therapist etc.) found out the details of our past they would encourage me to leave him and I dont want to. Should I stop worrying?
 
If you are secure in your relationship, and it sounds as though you are, I would stop worrying. That’s not to say forget all the past, but keep working to improve and better the relationship and communication.

I would steer away from situations where it might come up with friends and relatives, since it really isn’t their business. Therapists and counselors should respect your decision and work accordingly, unless there is a clear danger.
 
No one can “encourage” you to leave him without your buy-in.
A marriage is presumed valid unless one of the parties wants an annulment.
I think you can stop worrying. It’s no one else’s business.

However, if you do end up in an abusive situation, please get help. Abuse is not acceptable.
 
If he is improving then God is helping both of you and love will prevail. If you are worried about what family or friends will say about his past behavior or abuse, it’s none of their business. Telling them now, after he is improving is hurtful. Sometimes God loves others through us. You may be an instrument in Gods plan for him.
Google Saint Monica, and maybe say her prayer, for she too was in an abusive situation but her prayers were persistent and God saved her entire family ( husband and son).

God be with you. Keep us posted. Ask us to pray for you 😘
 
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Seek clerical and professional counseling. Which, in order to work, both husband and wife must be at least willing to take a look at the advice offered. And, pray together for your marriage.
 
There can be redemption in Christ for broken marriages. I have seen couples overcome anger problems, lying, abuse and infidelity, and I think your will to salvage your marriage is a beautiful thing. But redemption does not happen by simply sweeping past sins under the rug. Your husband may have stopped being abusive, but has there been true repentance and forgiveness? I would advise you to speak to a priest and find a good counselor. You should be able to resolve these past issues in tandem with him, and not simply move forward as if no harm had been done.
 
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