Difficult Marriage Situation

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FrankBunne

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I’m in a pretty difficult situation. A girl I will call Kate and I have known each other for two years. Her parents are really strict Catholics and will not let us see each other. They want her to marry a man I will call Harold, who is thirty three. Harold is the only unmarried Catholic in town aside from Kate. She and I are twenty-five.

I don’t like getting involved, but I care more about Kate than anything in the world. We go on walks sometimes, but it’s hard because her parents keep her under a lot of surveillance. Kate and Harold are the only unmarried Catholics in town, as I said, so Kate’s parents are making them get married. They don’t want me to marry her because I don’t believe in God.

It wouldn’t be my business otherwise, but whenever I go on walks with Kate she tells me that Harold hits her. She usually has a limp or something. I can’t stop thinking about how to stop him from hurting her. The most I’ve ever touched Kate is holding her hand.

I don’t really know anything about Catholicism, or why this would go on, but I want to talk to her parents, and ask them what they would prefer. I know they don’t want Harold to hit their daughter, but they also don’t want to let her be with somebody who doesn’t follow their religion. I can’t believe that it’s more important to them that Kate has a Catholic husband who hits her rather than a non-Catholic husband who doesn’t.

I know that I would be better for Kate than Harold, if only because I know it is always worse to hit another person than not to hit them, and Harold doesn’t know that, or it doesn’t bother him. But even more simply, Kate loves me, not Harold. I thought getting the point of view from Catholics who aren’t involved would help me when I finally talk to her parents.
 
The one statement I believe is true is that you do not believe in God.
 
Chances are her parents don’t know about “Harold’s” true self. No parent wants an abusive husband for their daughter. I can bet that if they knew he hit her then Harold would probably have to leave town if he knew what was good for him. Parents don’t put up with people treating their daughters like that.

Religion really doesn’t factor in here. He’s abusive and chances are if the parents knew than they would want no part of their daughter marrying him.
 
FrankBunne said:
I’m in a pretty difficult situation. A girl I will call Kate and I have known each other for two years. Her parents are really strict Catholics and will not let us see each other. They want her to marry a man I will call Harold, who is thirty three. Harold is the only unmarried Catholic in town aside from Kate. She and I are twenty-five.

I don’t like getting involved, but I care more about Kate than anything in the world. We go on walks sometimes, but it’s hard because her parents keep her under a lot of surveillance. Kate and Harold are the only unmarried Catholics in town, as I said, so Kate’s parents are making them get married. They don’t want me to marry her because I don’t believe in God.

It wouldn’t be my business otherwise, but whenever I go on walks with Kate she tells me that Harold hits her. She usually has a limp or something. I can’t stop thinking about how to stop him from hurting her. The most I’ve ever touched Kate is holding her hand.

I don’t really know anything about Catholicism, or why this would go on, but I want to talk to her parents, and ask them what they would prefer. I know they don’t want Harold to hit their daughter, but they also don’t want to let her be with somebody who doesn’t follow their religion. I can’t believe that it’s more important to them that Kate has a Catholic husband who hits her rather than a non-Catholic husband who doesn’t.

I know that I would be better for Kate than Harold, if only because I know it is always worse to hit another person than not to hit them, and Harold doesn’t know that, or it doesn’t bother him. But even more simply, Kate loves me, not Harold. I thought getting the point of view from Catholics who aren’t involved would help me when I finally talk to her parents.
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That is a classic love story, like Romeo and Juliet.
Only it is real.
You have got only one way: fight to the end for your lady. A man who beats a woman is a coward.
Do not let Kate see Harold, if possible. How in hell is she seeing him?
Not to be a catholic is no drama at all: 80% of the people in the world are not catholics.
Do not let your lady go.
fight fight fight.
Good luck.
 
Somehow the parents need to know he’s abusive. Secondly, if they did end up married, it wouldn’t be a valid marriage and could easily be annulled because they were forced into it.
 
Kate is 25 years old so her parents can suggest whom she might want to marry, but not dictate it. How can a 25 year old adult be “grounded” from seeing or dating any given person? Doesn’t she work or go to school? If this situation is real, then poor Kate has more problems than you think:shrug:
 
I wanted to say that you should tell someone immediately that this is happening, the police certainly, because abuse is no joke. I have a friend who was abused, and it is nothing to be taken lightly or thought of as “none of my business”. It’s everyone’s business. Another issue is that her parents have no right to decide whom she must marry. Catholic teaching states that the two adults being married must agree to the marriage, and if Kate doesn’t, then she shouldn’t marry him, especially if he’s abusive. Another problem I have is that if you’ve only talked a few times and walked, how can you love her? I am only 15, and I’m aware love of the marital type requires a bit more than this. Will you be supportive of her faith, and raise your children as Catholics? Will you be open to children in your marriage? Will you not hinder her or your hypothetical children from practising their faith? Also, do you know her? I apologize, I am a bit too harsh. Of course it’s possible to love someone after only a short time, I’m sure. But love requires things like patience, understanding, and lifetime dedication; things that are easy to promise to uphold, but difficult to actully carry through. Another thing which just makes the whole thing seem silly to me is your saying that the fact that he’s the only single Catholic in the town seems a bit far-fetched. What are the odds of this truly happening? And if it did, we don’t live in the Middle Ages anymore - she can always take a train or plane or something and find an eligible young Catholic man she loves somewhere else. Whatever the circumstances, I adhere you to report the abuse, discuss the matter openly with her parents (they are human beings, not soul-less monsters, after all) and discuss the whole situation with the priest who is to marry them. I’m sure that everything will work out for the greater glory of God, and all will be well.
 
Frank, based on your description it sounds like Kate’s parents are pressuring her to marry Harold. According to the Catholic Church’s official teaching (according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church), parents are expressly forbidden to pressure children into marrying someone they do not want to marry. Is Kate aware that she has no duty whatsoever to marry Harold just for the sake of pleasing her parents? If Kate’s parents are unwilling to respect Kate’s free choice, Kate’s parish priest should be involved and asked to talk to Kate’s parents. Marrying an abusive man just for the sake of pleasing one’s parents is a recipe for disaster and Kate should discuss that with her priest. Even you can have a confidential discussion with Kate’s parish priest about the issue, it is no problem that you are not Catholic.
 
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