Difficult prayer, difficult feelings

[roseproject]

I’ve been experiecing a lot of confusing feelings lately.
There’s been a lot of past spiritual related issues. The two recent ones being worries about disernment and the long lingering one about my dream as a manga artist/writer.

The good news: God has answered my prayers (yet again) for my artistic dream! Now my art is better than ever!

That was usually the thing that caused me the most worry. Now that that’s over, there’s…well, everything else. What does God want me to do exactly (besides write my story)? Does God want me to get married? Be a nun?
Do you ever get an uneasy feeling that God is going to tell you something that will cause you to spiral into worry? That’s what I’ve been feeling…and it’s causing me to avoid getting too deep into prayer. I’m scared.

Because of all of these worries, I’m afraid of making any solid plans/commitments for the future. Whether I should study art in college, what life goals I want to set in life, little things I want to do, etc etc. What if God’s plans are different and I’ve made all these plans in vain? That’s been my mind set. I still worry about the whole “married or religious life” question. I sometimes (well, many times) get nervous if I even see a nun because it reminds me of my worrys.

One thing I should probably mention before I continue: I have OCD. One of the biggest issues I have with it is currently about thinking…“extreme thoughts”.

If I, say, watch an anime that I like, my mind will get excited, but then my mind will sort of go into overload and my thoughts will begin to feel ludacris…to where I almost feel like I’m worshiping it. I’ll often tell my mind to “shut up” but that is, more often than not, in vain.
I’ve also made it a habit to pray certain things, but I feel if I skip this once (like, forgetting to say grace after meals…and the other prayers I say along with that), I feel like a slacker and it’ll be frowned upon or what/whoever I’m praying for will suffer because I skipped my intention for them.

Anyways, I wonder how my OCT may affect my prayers and my ability to decern whether the things I “feel” in prayer are God’s voice or not. I haven’t really felt like doing the things I normally enjoy because I don’t want them to replace the spot in my heart that’s meant for Christ alone. I’m not sure what to make of all of this

Thanks in advance

I soppose I should meantion this because it has to do with the “marriage/nun” worry: When I was praying in adoration, I asked God to release me from a certain thought (which I thought may have been Jesus telling me to “marry him” ) because I wanted to make a clear disernment. Then I felt a thought which basically said that I should love in every possible place; home, work, etc. and that my vocation will be made clear. Yet I still worry, oh yee of little faith "-____-

 

[Dorothy]

Jesus says “Be not afraid.”

It is useless to be afraid to be drawn into deeper prayer, as we will benefit greatly from it.

With regard to the OCD see a priest who can counsel and direct you.

 

[drz888]

Life can often appear challenging when seeking discernment of God’s Holy Will compared to our temporal human plans. At those times I often prompt myself with this thought:

“Want to give God a good laugh? Tell God all about your plans.”

Then I find myself not taking myself as seriously as a way to learn to trust more in God. We each have a unique partnership with God, we cannot do God’s Part and God will not do our part. As Dorothy mentions, discern with the help of your Priest, deeper communion with God through prayer and the soul-nourishing blessings of sacraments.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Remember oh most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence I fly unto thee oh virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Oh mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray and do thou oh prince of the heavenly host by the power of God, cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[Ruthie_again]

I’ve been experiencing a lot of confusing feelings lately.

Oh, I’ve never had confusing feelings - said no human being ever!

Do you ever get an uneasy feeling that God is going to tell you something that will cause you to spiral into worry?

Not more often than a few times a week…

Because of all of these worries, I’m afraid of making any solid plans/commitments for the future.

There’s nothing wrong in making plans. Just remind yourself that they are tentative, and that God might have different ones.

Even more important: don’t make the kind of plans that I call “writing scripts for people.” Those will always fail, because we have no control over other people!

I have OCD.

I assume you’re getting treatment? If not - do.

If I, say, watch an anime that I like, my mind will get excited, but then my mind will sort of go into overload and my thoughts will begin to feel ludacris…to where I almost feel like I’m worshiping it. I’ll often tell my mind to “shut up” but that is, more often than not, in vain.

How about being a little nicer to yourself, and saying something like “Of course I’m not worshiping this! I only worship God!!” While gently laughing at yourself. I dunno if it will help, but I hope so.

I feel like a slacker and it’ll be frowned upon or what/whoever I’m praying for will suffer because I skipped my intention for them.

I’m bad about that myself. So, I try to remember to add “and for everyone I’ve promised myself to pray for.”

I haven’t really felt like doing the things I normally enjoy because I don’t want them to replace the spot in my heart that’s meant for Christ alone.

That, my dear (my tone of voice is kind and humorous), is silly. This is where discernment enters in: could the things you enjoy lead someone (someone normal) into sin?

I suggest you stop trying to discern a vocation, at least until you get your OCD under control. Would it help you to create a Manga about one of the Parables? You might be able to counteract those horrible Chick tracts!

Then I felt a thought which basically said that I should love in every possible place; home, work, etc. and that my vocation will be made clear.

Listen to that one! No, it doesn’t mean you have to marry, or anything like that - it means “Love in every possible place; your vocation will eventually become clear.” Or as Mother Theresa put it, “Do small things with great love.” By the way - I’m glad you made me think of that! Thank you!

 

[roseproject]

I assume you’re getting treatment? If not - do.

Yep. I’m taking medication for that which helped calm many of my symptoms. I haven’t been to a conseling session in quite a while though because I haven’t really had any notable issues untill now.

How about being a little nicer to yourself, and saying something like "Of course

I’m not worshiping this! I only worship God!!" While gently laughing at yourself. I dunno if it will help, but I hope so.

It’s certainly a little less stressfull for myself to be not be so harsh on myself. Doesn’t really make it go away completely though.

You might be able to counteract those horrible Chick tracts

!

The story I’m developing is certainly contrary to this movment, to say the least haha

“Do small things with great love.” By the way - I’m glad you made me think of that! Thank you!

I like that quote too