Difficult situation - sexual abuse & the in-laws

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“Sharing your son”…except she’s not the parent…she has no special rights to your son…

After how she was when you were giving birth…I’m surprised you let her around your kids at all!! Sorry, someone barges in when I’m having medical procedures of any kind done, and I reserve the right to use force if necessary…And you know? Having your mom at your kids’ birth is different than your husband’s mom…

This is not healthy. Your husband needs to put you first…you, not his mom…
 
BiologyBrain said:
You’re completely right. My husband doesn’t think its a big deal at all for our son to play w/ his penis.

I pray for his conversion daily, but I just don’t seem to be getting anywhere.
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Your husband did agree that your children will be raised Catholics? If he did, lovingly explain to him that raising a child Catholic begins when they are babies, teaching the proper respect for our bodies and our sexuality. Explain that masturbation is a sin, and that as a Catholic, your son needs to be taught this - beginning with we do not play with our genitals.

I think if you make this about pitting yourself against his mom, no one wins.

Your husband loves you and respects your faith, he knows that your kids are Catholic, so - teach your husband how to raise Catholic kids. Maybe get some books by someone like Coleen Kelly Mast so he can learn what to teach your kids at each step in development.

Start now, before you have a 14 year old Catholic young man at home and a dad who did not realize that Catholics do not encourage their son to use condoms.
 
kage_ar said:
Your husband did agree that your children will be raised Catholics? If he did, lovingly explain to him that raising a child Catholic begins when they are babies, teaching the proper respect for our bodies and our sexuality. Explain that masturbation is a sin, and that as a Catholic, your son needs to be taught this - beginning with we do not play with our genitals.

I think if you make this about pitting yourself against his mom, no one wins.

Your husband loves you and respects your faith, he knows that your kids are Catholic, so - teach your husband how to raise Catholic kids. Maybe get some books by someone like Coleen Kelly Mast so he can learn what to teach your kids at each step in development.

Start now, before you have a 14 year old Catholic young man at home and a dad who did not realize that Catholics do not encourage their son to use condoms.
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I appreciate the advice, but I must say, its easier said than done! 😦 He did agree to let me raise the kid(s) Catholic. However, he’s still in that ‘I don’t have any Catholic obligations b/c I’m not Catholic or even baptized’ stage. Giving him books won’t necessarily do any good either. I’ve been trying to get him to look at TOB for beginners (Chris West) since b/4 we married to explain to him the whys of no contraception, yes to fun relations, etc. I’m going to talk to him again and see if I can find some common ground on the issue.

On the positive side, he has agreed to let someone else watch our son come January for at least 1 of the MIL’s days a week. The reason we have to wait until Jan is that the person in question (his dad’s woman friend/wife hopefully by then) is retiring then. I have much more confidence in this woman b/c (even as sneaky/sly as it sounds) I can use my MIL’s ways to keep this one in line… There’s a competition thing between these two (the MIL & this lady) where the lady wants to do anything/everything better than the MIL.

I think a good deal of my problem is that he’s a product of divorce & has always heard both his parents fight. He’s heard them completely disrespect each other. He seems to somehow think its normal to a degree. Its a struggle, let me tell you! 😦 :o He also has issues w/ his abuse (although not too obvious ones, just some deep seated fear issues). On top of that he’s got terrible anxiety problems (possibly stemming from both the previous things). He’s kind of hard to work with b/c too much will cause him to overload.

I love my husband tremendously. Don’t get me wrong & don’t be too harsh on him. He’s a wonderful man. This is our one big sticking point (besides his failure to go to Church - which would probably help solve this problem too). He loves our son more than I think he thought he’d be able to (he didn’t actually want kids until he met/married me). He works very hard to provide for us. He generally listens to my concerns & typically gets overworked if he thinks I’m getting mistreated in anyway. He’s very protective of me and our son. He just seems to have a blind spot for his family. He also was raised differently than I was and our moral codes just aren’t the same.
 
Thanks for the prayers/thoughts for my biopsy. I’m terribly disappointed and upset about that though. I went in expecting to have the biopsy done right then & there. Well, the surgeon had other ideas. He’s putting me off for another month b/c he wants to take the entire mass out in the OR. I’m terribly concerned b/c in 2 weeks its grown (as visualized & measured by ultrasound) between 0.2-0.4 cm. In other words, its growing fairly quickly. Its also painful. I wanted to have an answer as soon as possible so I can make plans for what needs to happen. :mad: 😦 :confused:

When my mom had her biopsy they did a needle aspiration one. When they found out it was cancerous & she spoke to MD Anderson Cancer center, they informed her that the best way to proceed would be to leave the tumor/mass in place & hit it w/ chemotherapy so they could watch the effects. They did not want to remove it b/c otherwise, they’d be treating blindly. I think I’m going to try to get another surgeon to look at it and get more options quicker.
 
Aw, I’m sorry that the biopsy didn’t go as planned. I agree, that if it’s bothering you, you should really get a second opinion. Especially with it having grown, I don’t think I’d want to just wait either!
 
I too feel sorry you didn’t get what you needed from your surgeon. :console: You’re wise to go to someone else. No one should have to wait like that. You have my continued prayers.

And I understand about your husband’s feelings/needs/hang ups, too. It’s going to take a lot of time and loving effort on your part to help him work through his disfunctional family history. You two have your own history to make, and with God’s grace you will make good history. 🙂 It’s probably best to pry your son away from MIL in stages so she won’t realize what is happening and make an issue of it. Truly there are times when we have to be a wise as serpents and harmless as doves, isn’t there? 😉
 
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