Difficult Situation with Best Friend concerning his "Marriage"

  • Thread starter Thread starter Chris258
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Chris258

Guest
I have been dealing with two of my friends about the issue of marriage for some time. My male best friend is a baptized non-Catholic. My female friend has recently (since about a year ago) begun to grasp her Christian faith; I have seen no evidence that she has been validly baptized yet, which may be important in formulating my stance.

They claim they are now “married” in the fullest sense that they know – it’s safe to say they believe their marriage truly is a sacramental bond, though they may not use those words. I am certain from conversations I’ve had with them that they’ve been having intercourse; now they are cohabiting as well.

I know for a fact that they have not spoken to a Protestant minister, civil authority, or pastor of any kind concerning the actual contracting process. They “exchanged vows” with each other while they were alone because they didn’t want to be public about it to the Christian community on our university campus. Eventually they began telling people they were married. They haven’t let my male friend’s parents know anything of their intents while my female friend’s parents have been informed by them that they are “engaged”. They claim that they don’t want to alarm their parents or “complicate the situation”.

As a Christian coming to the Catholic Church, I need to know if my current stance would be supported by the Church: that their relationship, in objective reality, does not contain that sacramental bond of marriage, and they are currently sinning in their actions.

If anyone can help refine my standpoint, I would greatly appreciate it. For instance, could this “marriage” possibly be valid but not sacramental? Concerning the question of intercourse, could their “vows” possibly form the only situation where they could participate in the conjugal act without sinning – that of a valid marriage?

Thank you all.
 
Chris258 said:
I have been dealing with two of my friends about the issue of marriage for some time. My male best friend is a baptized non-Catholic. My female friend has recently (since about a year ago) begun to grasp her Christian faith; I have seen no evidence that she has been validly baptized yet, which may be important in formulating my stance.

They claim they are now “married” in the fullest sense that they know – it’s safe to say they believe their marriage truly is a sacramental bond, though they may not use those words. I am certain from conversations I’ve had with them that they’ve been having intercourse; now they are cohabiting as well.

I know for a fact that they have not spoken to a Protestant minister, civil authority, or pastor of any kind concerning the actual contracting process. They “exchanged vows” with each other while they were alone because they didn’t want to be public about it to the Christian community on our university campus. Eventually they began telling people they were married. They haven’t let my male friend’s parents know anything of their intents while my female friend’s parents have been informed by them that they are “engaged”. They claim that they don’t want to alarm their parents or “complicate the situation”.

As a Christian coming to the Catholic Church, I need to know if my current stance would be supported by the Church: that their relationship, in objective reality, does not contain that sacramental bond of marriage, and they are currently sinning in their actions.

If anyone can help refine my standpoint, I would greatly appreciate it. For instance, could this “marriage” possibly be valid but not sacramental? Concerning the question of intercourse, could their “vows” possibly form the only situation where they could participate in the conjugal act without sinning – that of a valid marriage?

Thank you all.
Click to expand...
This kind of secret marriage is no marriage at all. They may be sincerely attached to each other but the bond could easily be broken by one of them leaving. They could quietly legally marry before a JP and two witnesses but then they would “be” married, not just “consider themselves married”. There’s some reason they don’t do this. I wonder why.

If they are having relations, they are objectively sinning.

If they aren’t telling their parents of their ‘marriage’ the situation is already complicated. Perhaps the parents wouldn’t approve and/or would cease to finance their education if they married. If so, it would show more integrity to put off marriage, and sexual activity, until after graduation or to marry now and take the consequences.
 
I would assume that she is not baptized and I would say that at best it is a “natural marriage”. I would be hesitant to say that they are sinning just because they are having a physical relationship. There are too many unknowns and it would probably be imprudent to judge the status of their unity based on what you present.

I would encourage you to be a role model for them and help them to move into the Christian faith. Once they will fully enter the Christian faith they will understand the need and duty for a sacramental marriage.
 
Unless they have a marriage certificate, which to us Catholics would mean they are married under the auspices of the society, it would not be a natural marriage. If they are common law married, that could count as well.

A natural marriage allows them full marital rights, but is dissolvable. If they are both baptized, and exchange vows and consent under the laws and norms they are governed by it would be a sacramental marriage that is indissolvable.

At least that’s my understanding.
 
Your friends are as married as two little children playing pretend ‘wedding’.😉
 
Few states recognize common law marriage after the 1970s anymore, with the advent of no-fault divorce laws.
 
Chris258 said:
I have been dealing with two of my friends about the issue of marriage for some time. My male best friend is a baptized non-Catholic.

Concerning the question of intercourse, could their “vows” possibly form the only situation where they could participate in the conjugal act without sinning – that of a valid marriage?

Thank you all.
Click to expand...
There is no social institution, government or church that would recognize this couple as married with the privileges or obligations of spouses. If either one of them decided to take a hike there would be no requirment by state or church for a divorce proceeding or annulment or to divide property. There would be no obligations for dissolution of their relationship. They can not file a joint tax return. If one of them died the other would have no claim to the property of the deceased party. No creditor could make a claim to hold one accountable for the bills of the other. They could go to a JP or minister and get married and keep it a secret from their families, but this would be a sign that something was disordered. Getting married is a joyous occassion to be shared with those we love. They have apparently made some private commitment to one another and they may keep it, but they will need to take steps to make it publicly acknowledged.
 
You might have better luck telling them they just look childish and stupid running around claiming to be married when everyone knows they are not.
 
Without public vows and without legal contract, all the functional definitions of marriage seem to be lacking.
 
Pretending to be married, lying to parents - sounds like your friends need to grow up. They are behaving like a couple of 6 year olds.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top