Difficult time getting involved at new parish

[losh14]

I’m sure some of you have gone through the same thing, so I thought I’d offer it up publicly and ask for advice.

My wife and I decided at the start of the school year to get more involved at the parish where our oldest attends the school (the parish we’re registered at doesn’t have a school or childrens’ ministry). It’s been an uphill struggle and we’re feeling very frustrated.

The school is fantastic and there are several groups to support the kids, but I really don’t fit in at them. I’m not traditional enough for the young adult group. The Athletics Council meetings are about 10 minutes discussion and an hour of drinking. The Knights’ meetings are much the same. Some of the other committees are very political and it just kind of put us off, so we didn’t get involved. The parish got a new priest, who is younger and has a real sense of mission in supporting a spirituality group to focus on the New Evanglization but there just wasn’t interest among the parishoners so he got busy with other things. So we go to Mass, wave to people we know a little bit, but get a really strong feeling of not belonging.

Were we wrong to pick this parish and this school? Since we don’t have a school at our home parish we can technically go anywhere we’d like (with the approval of the school director). Or is it fine to keep a separate community so that we attend Mass at one, send our kids to school at another, and get involved with an activity or group that we find somewhere else entirely? Or should we just let it go and not get involved, and find another organization to show our kids service opportunities and help build a broader sense of community?

I’ll note that we’re technically in the boundary of the parish with the school - when we moved here we joined our current parish because it’s my wife’s family’s home parish, and her grandparents still attend there. We don’t see them much at Mass anymore because he’s a former deputy grand knight and they’re constantly invited to mass or events elsewhere. And because ours is such a small parish with a limited schedule, we often attend the parish with the school for Mass, Reconciliation and Holy Days.

 

[robwar]

a couple of questions and then some ideas. Does the school you oldest attends, does that school require you to be a part of that parish in order to get a tuition discount? Likewise, I am assuming that your oldest is in the younger grades?

A couple of ideas. I don’t think since your current registered parish has a school, that you are wrong to send them to a Catholic School in another nearby parish. Likewise, I am assuming that you plan on being at this school for the length of it (8th grade?). There are a number of ways besides trying to join things like K of C that haven’t turned out very well.
One can always involved themselves at Mass. I’m not sure if possible with younger children but if you can usher or lector or become an EMCH, those are ways that one can start to involve themselves at a parish if you don’t have time for the rest or if socially it hadn’t turned out so well. You do begin to met others this way and there are less social pressures. As your children attend this school, they will be receiving the sacraments there etc. If they do school stuff such as sports, you will be involved there etc. While the ties of the past are with the current registered parish, you have to maybe see it as a passing thing because your children are at this school and will be involved with it in the sacraments. Just some thought that I hope will help you.

 

[HoosMommie]

I understand your frustration. Check with the parish office to see if they have a list of ministries you could choose from. I’m retired so activities during the day are no problem so I volunteered for the First Friday breakfast and found that to be an excellent way to meet other parishioners. I have also volunteered for the Altar Society to clean the church on Saturday mornings. There are nine teams so each team only cleans every nine weeks but I am meeting others. These are just examples of what may be available to you. While in RCIA we were given a double-sided sheet with all the ministries the parish sponsored, so check with the office.

 

[losh14]

Does the school you oldest attends, does that school require you to be a part of that parish in order to get a tuition discount? Likewise, I am assuming that your oldest is in the younger grades?

Our oldest is entering Kindergarten. Only six or seven of the parishes in our immediate area have schools, so it’s understood that kids come from several parishes. The parish we attend closed their school a decade ago and leases the space to an evangelical grade school. The parish where our oldest attends doesn’t offer a discount for parish membership but others do. Actually the diocese has been very generous with scholarships or we’d not be able to consider the option - a year of kindergarten costs as much as my first year of college did. We’re hoping to send both our kids throughout grade school and junior high, and give them options for high school - that’s the way it is around here, Catholic high schools in the St. Louis area compete for excellent students from both public and private schools, and many of my coworkers were astonished that I went to public school (in another state, where private schools aren’t as emphasized) but to the same colleges they did.

I appreciate the thoughts about getting involved as our kids get more involved, and this will likely happen. Our oldest is (finally) making friends and asking us if she can have them over. We actually aren’t involved at our current parish because there’s really nothing to do. There used to be a young adult group but that followed the music director, and he took it with him to a new parish when he changed jobs. We had previously been very involved in the parish where we married - we still keep up with a lot of those folks - we went on retreats, I had led a Bible Study, we did service events, we chaired fundraising committees. But because its a college church, there’s no cry room, and when our oldest was learning to walk my wife would take her out to the common area to chatter and such, and one day one of the interns asked her to leave because our child was making too much noise. So we never went back, and we weren’t the only ones who were told that kids don’t have a place at their Mass. It’s a real shame because we really enjoyed that community, and we were very involved. We haven’t seen anything like it since.

 

[phil19034]

May I suggest joining or starting a Catholic Bible Study at your new Parish (the one with the School).

I’ve joined the one at my Parish and it as allowed me to meet people and start to feel more part of the community.

I also find that at Bible Studies, you often have Catholics who are more dedicated to their faith and want to learn more. They are the Catholics I like the most

We also spend a lot of time chatting, so it’s nice.

Also, try to attend at least one Daily Mass each week (perhaps one with a Devotional before or after). Typically, you have the same group of people at Daily Mass, and that too can become a way to get to know others.

I find that Social Groups can sometimes be clicky. And some ministries might be clicky too depending on who leads the group. But Bible Studies, Rosay Prayer Groups, etc are typically attended by orthodox Catholics and/or Catholics eager to learn.

My Bible Study meets Sunday nights. If you create one, I would suggest the evening (either Sunday night or weeknight) or on Sunday inbetween two Mass times.

God Bless.