First off, I agree with Deacon Patrick above! It sounds like you are not doing super well emotionally. You have a tough job and that’s natural enough. But if the emotional exhaustion from your work life is keeping you from doing normal things, you need to watch out for depression, etc. You also might want to talk to your hospital’s Catholic chaplain, if any.
If you are starting to feel depressed, you will feel a lot better by keeping to a routine, and that includes the routine of going to Mass. Believe me, I know.
Second, I think that you’re not doing yourself any favors by missing Mass. Like the martyrs of Abitina said, when they got arrested at Sunday Mass, “We cannot live without Sunday.” Even if you don’t receive Communion, you get tons of graces from going to Mass. If you do receive Communion, you get tons more. It will strengthen you.
If you think that Mass will emotionally exhaust you more, there are a lot of things you can do to make it a calmer experience, without losing out on attending.
- If you don’t like the small chapel idea (it doesn’t work for everybody), then why not sit someplace secluded? In really old churches, there’s often a convenient pillar or some kind of nook to sit. Even modern churches often have some places in church that aren’t well lit or much used.
If it’s not a choir Mass and your church has a choir loft, it’s usually okay to go sit up there quietly, out of the way, if it’s unlocked. (And sometimes if there is a choir up there, as long as there’s an empty seat.) If the organist sits up there, just ask and they will usually say yes. When it’s time for Communion, just come downstairs and join the line.
It’s also okay to stand out in the vestibule/gathering space, or go sit in the cry room, or whatever little niche there is. If you end up having to go to the bathroom to dry your face, you’re already almost there!
- Make sure you are eating and sleeping. This may not be the time for really long fasting before Mass, although obviously keep the communion rules if you’re planning on going to Communion. If it’s a long drive home after Mass or it takes you a while to get food afterwards, stow some food in your car, like a granola bar.
- Pray soothing prayers. The Jesus Prayer would probably be good, because the combination of prayer and nice deep breaths is relaxing. Praying the Rosary or the Divine Mercy Chaplet can also be soothing.
- Talk to Jesus about your worries about this. He will give you strength to come to His house. If your parish has an adoration chapel, that’s a good place to visit; or if you can visit Jesus in the tabernacle, I bet you’ll find that it helps a lot.
- If you get to Mass really early, you might find it helpful to stroll around outside, since it’s spring. If your parish has a little garden or something like that, that’s a nice place to visit before going inside and going to see Jesus in the tabernacle, and then finding yourself a seat.
- I understand that a lot of medical people find frequent Confession helpful, if you can get to Confession anywhere close to you without your work hours interfering.
Hope this advice is useful!
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