Difficulty Confessing

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Dominican

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I understand the joy of the Sacrament of Penance but is there anyone else out there who has difficulty putting their sins into words. Who has trouble being able to confess their sins. I’d like to think I am not alone
 
I find myself fumbling around trying to say the words, like some little child having difficulty telling his Dad he’s done something wrong.
 
Could it be that you are trying to “wing it?” When we go to confession, we must first make a good examination of conscience. That is not easy…at least for me. I try to sit in front of the Tabernacle after having made a good examination of conscience and ask the Lord, in person (so to write) what else I must confess. I have been totally blown away at what He brings to my attention.

As far as stumbling around…God knows our hearts and a good priest should be able to assist you in your confession.

But, as the Boy Scouts motto goes…“Be prepared!”👋
 
I almost always draw some sort of a blank and I do an exstensive examination of conscience before hand…and, I try to go monthly to boot! I think it’s rather normal to fumble after all, it isn’t easy, at least for me to face my faults and failings, never mind to tell them to someone else.
So Dominican you are probably among the majority.
Take heart, In Christ, Annunciata:)
 
My sins always sound worse when I am confessing, I despise that, It makes me feel creepy.

You’d think that telling a holy man of God how awful you can be :ehh: would be easier.
 
Yes! Some sins have felt like such an acute personal failure in all my ideals and in every possible aspect. These ones are hard to speak. However, the one sin that tormented me the most in that way, when I confessed it, I had the most fruit ever from the sacrament of confession that time.

But maybe you mean a different type of difficulty, like knowing you did something wrong yet being unable to describe how or why or what it was. If that is the case I suggest you consult a list of sins before you go, so you can lift the words from it and say you did such and such and how many times. “I took the name of the Lord in vain 3 times,” or, “I defrauded my 6 employees of their wages over a period of years” or whatever fits based on the sins listed in the list.
 
I converted to Catholicism a couple of years ago, and in the beginning, Confession was particularly difficult for me. Every time I would enter the confessional, I would become incredibly nervous and my mind would blank. I would also be tempted to leave out some of the sins for which I was most embarassed (though I would eventually end up including them, mostly to avoid having to go to Confession again!).

To combat this (and this may sound rather childish!), I now take a physical list of my sins with me into the confessional. As many have already suggested, it’s important to make a good examination of conscience beforehand. I then write down a few words for each offense on a slip of paper. This assures that my mind won’t go blank and that I won’t “chicken out” of including sins I know I need to confess. When I get out of the confessional, I happily tear up the slip and throw it away, which also serves as a physical reminder of the absolution I have received. Now that I have begun this practice, my Confession experience is much less stressful and I feel confident that my embarassment won’t overcome my desire to make a good Confession.
 
Yeah! But I also use it to my advantage (or should I say the Holy Spirit uses it to help me). I was so humiliated by confessing them, that I flash back to that particular confession and use my feeling of humiliation as preventive measure.

No way do I want to confess that one again!
God help keep me strong!
 
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cmcruz:
I converted to Catholicism a couple of years ago, and in the beginning, Confession was particularly difficult for me. Every time I would enter the confessional, I would become incredibly nervous and my mind would blank. I would also be tempted to leave out some of the sins for which I was most embarassed (though I would eventually end up including them, mostly to avoid having to go to Confession again!).

To combat this (and this may sound rather childish!), I now take a physical list of my sins with me into the confessional. As many have already suggested, it’s important to make a good examination of conscience beforehand. I then write down a few words for each offense on a slip of paper. This assures that my mind won’t go blank and that I won’t “chicken out” of including sins I know I need to confess. When I get out of the confessional, I happily tear up the slip and throw it away, which also serves as a physical reminder of the absolution I have received. Now that I have begun this practice, my Confession experience is much less stressful and I feel confident that my embarassment won’t overcome my desire to make a good Confession.
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This is outstanding advice. As an Anglican, I was TRAINED to write my “list” for confession. Now, as a Catholic, I find I have toa be careful because often a priest will see a list and write you off as “scrupulous.” On the other hand, a priest I know says that what the Church needs most right now is a good case of scrupulosity!
 
I’m a list writer too! I simply tell the priest that I need the list so I don’t forget. I never dreamed that the priest would think I was scrupulous. I’ve seen many a priest with notes during a sermon, so I would’nt think they would see notes taken to confession as being scrupulous.I like to think that they see that I did put some prayer and thought into what I confess, and I don’t go immediately back if I forget a venial sin on the list.
 
If you have difficulty confessing, I have two recommendations.

First: Pray for the strenght to make a good confession.

Second: Receive the sacrament more frequently. You will soon be more comfortable (maybe not completely, but more) with making a good confession. The grace that you receive from the sacrament will definately help!
 
My problem was conveniently “forgetting” my sins by the time I got around to confession. Solution, more frequent confession, daily examen during night prayer and act of contrition right before falling asleep, formal examination of conscience using the commandments and beatitudes before confession (this takes at least a half hour as it is a prayer and meditation process). Oddly enough, what got me focused was a priest on retreat who told us to condense our sin into one word, and just say that one word when we came to confess individually (this was a communal penance service for about 100 people, only one priest). That shook me up so much, and fortunately I have never seen it done again, but what really got me was his response. To my one word, he told me the virtue I was sinning against. So that is now the orientation of my examination of conscience now, to consider the virtues and how I offend against them.
 
I signed up for RCIA / RCIC – and before June of this year I don’t think I was ever strongly considering becoming Catholic.

“The Red Badge of Courage” is a very realistic fiction book about the American Civil War. Young soldiers who had not yet been in battle were wondering how they would be in battle. Would they turn and run away in cowardice, or would they bravely fight? A lot of anxiety.

I have been nervous about Confession. Because I have mortal sins and have struggles. I cannot go to confession at this time (and get absolution). But I felt a strong need.

Last Thursday morning I went to DC for a job interview and had some time before the earliest train back. Providence placed me at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. In the crypt church they had just started praying the rosary. So I prayed too. And stayed for the 12:10 mass. And knelt about an hour at the tabernacle for Eucharistic Adoration (my first time at that). It was a very blessed day for me.

After getting a burger at the student union, it was almost time for confession back at the Shrine. I took the opportunity (to get past my anxiety). My confessor was an 83-year old Dominican Priest. I immediately told him I was signed up for RCIA / RCIC and could not get absolution. He quickly understood that I wanted “practice” and was patient and very kind. God bless him. I confessed my current biggest struggle and what I felt was a very bad mortal sin from years ago. I was there about 20 minutes. He concluded by saying he did not have the intent, but that he would speak the words of absolution. I reminded him that I wanted to be obedient and not receive absolution. And he assured me he did not have the intent. And then he spoke the words of absolution. I didn’t fully understand what Catholics mean by “an act of contrition”, he explained and told me a sample prayer was on paper I had picked up. I made a late train back home.

Lessons learned and benefits:
**(1) **I am less anxious as to whether I will do a “good confession” my first time.
**(2) **I proved my intent to God and to the Church that I do intend to confess my sins when I am able.
(3) I need to be better at listening to the Priest in the confessional.
At the time, I didn’t think I did too bad listening, but a lot of what the Priest said was forgotten – perhaps because of my emotional workup of confessing such bad sins.
(4) It seems to me that if somebody is in a similar situation, you can do a “practice” confession – if you want to. It helped to settle my anxieties.
(5) Preparation was important towards helping me to want to confess. First spending time with God (going to Mass and Eucharistic Adoration) sure helped me to want to confess and to have genuine contrition.

I briefly told one of my parish priests about my experience, and I think he is glad for me – and understands that it was a practice and that I was being obedient by not going to confession for absolution.

I’m writing this note not to brag. I know there are new people out there just like me.

Remaining Questions:
(a) I’d love to hear practical suggestions on how to better keep what the Priest says.
(b) When you confess your sins, are you supposed to think of yourself as talking to the Priest? Or perhaps also to have an attitude of prayer and think of yourself as talking to the Priest and as talking to Jesus Christ?

I’m really glad for the “practice” experience. At least I know with that Priest I wasn’t going to get some incredible difficult Penance that would have taken months to accomplish. No “wizard of Oz” experience where I’d have to first get the broom of the wicked witch of the west. Or to go on a lengthy pilgrimage. The Priest would have tried to find out what prayers I knew or what I could do (so I wasn’t assigned to pray prayers I hadn’t learned or to do something unfamiliar or that I had not learned).
 
excellent suggestions!

When I go to Confession, I spend about twenty minutes or more examining my conscience. A few years ago, I picked up the Manual of Prayers, a prayerbook for priests published by the Pontifical North American College. It has several pages devoted to leading one through an examination of conscience, and the format stresses identifying your sins by the virtues you have violated.

That said, I pray to the Blessed Virgin and the Holy Spirit to open my mind and my heart to the sins I have committed, so that I may see clearly all of my offensives. I think this is very important in avoiding or cancelling those “blind spots” we develop so that we won’t recognize unpleasant sins.

I further pray that I make a clear and complete Confession to God’s priest. I doubt that I have ever made a “perfect” Confession; somehow I always seem to remember one or two sins I meant to say to the priest but forgot. That’s why I pray so hard that God guide my examination and my Confession - perfection is possible only by the hand of God.

Finally, i also remember what one priest said years ago. No matter how embarrassing or horrible the sin is you must confess, the priest has heard that before, and most probably much worse. He is keenly interested in perfecting your soul; shocking a priest might very well be the hardest thing you can achieve!

Please, remember also that a priest is a man who has been called to sanctity and is struggling (some more than others) towards sainthood. It is a difficult function they perform. All priests (whether you consider them “good” or “bad” priests) desperately need your prayers every day.

“Find God in the pots and pans” St. Therese
 
You are DEFINITELY not alone! I guess there are some who have no difficulty, but I think most people do…I know I tend to get flustered and say innane things…When I have to confess something really embarrassing it is VERY hard to get the words out!
 
I do an examination of conscience and jot down my sins in a little notebook that I carry into the confessional and refer to as I speak. It helps me stay focused and not “forget” those uncomfortable sins!
 
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Dominican:
I understand the joy of the Sacrament of Penance but is there anyone else out there who has difficulty putting their sins into words. Who has trouble being able to confess their sins. I’d like to think I am not alone
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I recently told a priest going to confession is as hard for me as going to the dentist and listening to that drill in my mouth. I kneel down and I shake so bad that I feel like I am going to fall off the kneeler. It takes everything out of me, between the preparation, confessing to the priests I work for, and that kneeler. But I do find it easier now after being a part of this forum, because the things I would not have felt were a sin are pointed out in some forums that they are. Besides all I have to do is go to the politics section here and because of my short temper and other faults I end up landing in confession anyway! So I share your troubles!🙂
 
Perhaps what you experience in the confessional is a kind of groan. By the way nobody should be thought scrupulous for having a written list.
 
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