Difficulty in answering message

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ipheginia
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Thanks everyone for all your advice in view of which I have despatched the following :

“Dear xxx [daughter],
I hear what you are saying, I’m sorry you’ve had so much stress.
I’m glad to hear Sofian is now enjoying a holiday.
Whilst I’m sure you will miss him, his time away will hopefully be beneficial to you both.
love to you all
xxx xxx
Dad”

I pray God that will be sufficient to keep the gate open to further dialogue. If further expansion is neccessary I will seek counsel in your submissions. Please, please, keep the situation in your prayers. God bless you all.

P.S.My grandson is staying with his Muslim grandparents, who care for children with difficulties, presumably to give my daughter time to recover from the stress.
 
Ipheginia I think your response is perfect in this situation.
You and your family will remain in my prayers.
May God abundantly bless you
 
Thank you all again for your help and continued prayers. I’m sure it was through them and with the help of the Holy Spirit that I was enabled to formulate a suitable response.

To date no reply has been received but this may have been due to the fact that I sent the message to the email address of the site she has blocked.

Do you think it advisable to repeat the message to her alternative email address ?
 
If you have a street address, why not send a letter, with perhaps a photo of yourself and your family, maybe in front of the house, or just one of you in the living room, garden, or by the Christmas tree? That might be more personal than an email, and you could add a postscript stating that you are having some computer difficulties reaching her email address and requesting a correct email address. Don’t mention that you found her email address blocked from you! Don’t add anything else to the message, but write “photo enclosed” on the front of the envelope, which may pique her curiosity so she will open the letter, rather than throw it away. Letters are much more personal, (especially handwritten, not typed on a computer) and the sight of your handwriting just might soften her heart enough to read and respond to the message. Just a suggestion. I almost never get regular letters, as everyone seems to send emails, but when I get a letter and / or photo in the regular postal mail, it’s always a thrill for me – almost like a special gift!
 
However, if your daughter receives a letter, a card, or any sealed missive, she may not open it, and even if it is not also blocked, using the other email address might seem harassment but it may also be blocked. She won’t necessarily open it before deleting it even if you email gets through.

Your daughter is beyond the point of listening. The evidence shows that he has a strong resistance to you. She believes she knows you will continue to communicate in the same prayerful, paternalistic way
.
Uncomfortable though you could feel about sending an open postcard, it may be the only communication that she will read without being able to help herself from seeing what you have written. This is the option I’d choose as the only remaining practical possibility.
You have only one shot, given your daughter’s ultimatum and behavior.
 
Hi judynurse,
I have lived alone now for some 30 years. I don’t put any Christmas decorations up, except for a Nativity scene and an angel in the window. Given her present condition, I don’t think she would appreciate a photo of me. I could perhaps use your suggestion of “computer difficulties” though. Thank you, I am very grateful for your continued concern and help.
 
Hi Trishie

As you rightly say “You have only one shot, given your daughter’s ultimatum and behavior,” I am only too well aware of the delicacy of the situation and the necessity to get it right.

I am hesitant to use the “open postcard” because, she is resident abroad and it may cause offence or embarassment.

It occured to me though, that I could send my grandson some cash and greetings via PayPal to buy a small gift to brighten his recovery. That way I could incorporate my my previous message.
My daughter would simply get a message from PayPal in her alternative email box which will simply say “You have funds” and when she opens the email she will see my previous message, the message to my grandson and the cash gift.

I would appreciate your opinion.
 
That just might work, since she would surely open an email from PayPal, especially if she isn’t sure it’s from you. Use your original message, and perhaps add that “computer difficulties” prevented you from sending a personal message, so you added it to the gift for her son. That should not be offensive, although I’m sure she will know that her “block” is what caused the “computer difficulties”. You might even get just a brief “thanks”, but she might also remove the block, just to see if you maintain the attitude of “non-religious” contact. I only suggested the photo of your Christmas, or yourself, since she sent you a photo of their Muslim “Christmas Tree”. Perhaps later you can send a photo of yourself in front of your home in the spring when flowers are blooming, since that may be her childhood home. Then again, the Muslim feelings against ‘images’ might cause a problem. Perhaps a photo of the house just with a basket or planter or two of spring flowers in a few months would be acceptable to her. Good luck! Will pray for a reconciliation in at least the sense of some contact more regularly.
 
My prayers are with you for your relationship with your daughter and her family to continue being mended. I did notice one thing in this thread that I wanted to gently bring to your attention. When you mentioned her husband and his parents you pointed out in more than one response her muslim husband and the child’s muslim grandparents. If you were doing that for our edification then its neither here nor there but if you have at some point in the past consistently mentioned her husbands religion, is it possible that has caused problems? Could this be why she is closed to even the smallest doorway of religious conversation? Just something worth considering as you move forward.
 
Hi** Miss_Felicity**,

The reference to my in-laws faith, was simply to clarify the situation.

I see all people as children of God and although I only met my in-law’s on one occasion, I treated them as I would any of God’s children.

I spent some considerable time with the Royal Air Force on active service in Singapore and Aden ( now Yemen ) both countries with a considerable Moslem population.

My relationship with my daughter’s husband is that of a friend, he doesn’t see me as a father-in-law, more as an equal and I accept that.

My appeal for help has allowed me to examine things a bit more closely and your question has raised a valid point.

Up until 2 years ago. my daughters husband gave the impression of being Muslim in name only. Out of the blue. he decided to celebrate the Muslim feast of Ramadan, this to use my daughters own words “freaked me out”, since she thought he was going to revert with a resultant breakdown of the marriage. He managed to resolve the problem.
The following year, on the feast of Ramadan, in an effort to encourage him to seek God (as he saw Him ) I emailed him personally and wished him well in his fasting and good works.
It is therefore possible that if my daughter got wind of that, then it would explain the resultant cooling in her relationship with me. Just a thought - God alone knows ?

Thank you for your continued prayers. I celebrate the Divine Office and keep the situation in prayer thrice daily, but I am infinitely grateful for the prayers of others and bolstered by the fact that we have “Prayer Warriors” in our midst.
 
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