Difficulty in Prayer

[joshrp]

Hi everyone,

I will begin by saying that I am essentially an infant in prayer. I have always been a bit confused about what prayer is and why and how to pray. Nonetheless it fascinates me and I do it anyways. There are sometimes when I think a lot is being done when I pray, but other times I don’t even remember what happened during those times of prayer, or I doubt that they did anything at all.

I go to visit the Blessed Sacrament at a parish that has Pepetual Adoration. I volunteer to be there for 2 hours each week and I usually visit Jesus even more often. In general I feel like my mind is a mess and I can’t get myself focused or organized. I’ve had a lot of mental issues, including Asperger’s Syndrome which is a form of autism, and I have a lot of issues functioning in certain areas, especially executive function issues.

I was with the Blessed Sacrament last night for almost 2 hours and I felt like the whole time I was “arguing” with God. When I say “arguing” I don’t mean anything like how we would argue with another human being. I know that God is always right and true and that whoever does not approve of anything He says is wrong and just shooting themselves in the foot. But I was just trying to get all of the garbage out of my system, all of the contrary to God thoughts that were in my mind, hoping God would sort them out. Sometimes I go to God and I say things like “Why am I even bothering coming here?” “What good is my being here doing You?” “Why is it so hard to talk with You?”

I’m trying to discern whatever vocation it is that God wants me to be in. I just feel like mess. I certainly will make more progress. Honestly, I’ve only been going to Mass since Palm Sunday, after a several months lapse from the Church. The last times I was going to church I had no real support and no one really concerned about whether I stayed. This time I have more support and friendship in the Church of people who are concerned about my spiritual well-being. I plan to go to a Catholic college and hopefully study theology along with other subjects.

But the prayer is the most important thing I’m missing. I wish that the Pope would write a book on prayer or at least a book of prayers. I have a little book of his prayers taken from various speeches and writings of his. But I would like to hear more from the Pope on prayer. I know he has written probably many things on this, like I have a few of his audiences that he has made specifically on prayer, although I have not yet read them. I’ve read at least 30 of the Pope’s books, having read more of his writings than anyone else that I’ve read, but I don’t remember reading much that he has written on prayer. Could anyone direct me to some of his writings on prayer?

I’ve read a lot of books on prayer, but actually praying just seems to bring difficulties. I makes it difficult that I have some mental and psychological issues to deal with. How do I know that anything good is coming from my prayers? How do I know if I am praying rightly? Can I pray the wrong way? If I could gain one talent, it would be to pray well. I know that when we do not know how to pray it is the Spirit who teaches us to pray, but I want to know what I need to do in order to cooperate.

Thank you for any help, and God bless you all at CAF,
Joshua

 

[jbarbaretta]

Hi everyone,

I will begin by saying that I am essentially an infant in prayer. I have always been a bit confused about what prayer is and why and how to pray. Nonetheless it fascinates me and I do it anyways. There are sometimes when I think a lot is being done when I pray, but other times I don’t even remember what happened during those times of prayer, or I doubt that they did anything at all.
…
But the prayer is the most important thing I’m missing. I wish that the Pope would write a book on prayer or at least a book of prayers. I have a little book of his prayers taken from various speeches and writings of his. But I would like to hear more from the Pope on prayer. I know he has written probably many things on this, like I have a few of his audiences that he has made specifically on prayer, although I have not yet read them. I’ve read at least 30 of the Pope’s books, having read more of his writings than anyone else that I’ve read, but I don’t remember reading much that he has written on prayer. Could anyone direct me to some of his writings on prayer?

HI Joshua,

God bless you. I think you are doing better than you think. Just keep letting our Lord work in and through you. It is a normal part of spiritual growth to have difficult periods in prayer. Don’t let it cause you too much worry and don’t let it stop you from praying.

As for the pope and Prayer - He just started a series of catecheses on Christian Prayer on May 4. I’m not sure if that is the audience you are referring to. Here is a link to the vatican text with a video link if you would prefer. The first one is at: Pope Benedict’s Catechesis on prayer

I wish you the best with your discernment.

If I could gain one talent, it would be to pray well. I know that when we do not know how to pray it is the Spirit who teaches us to pray, but I want to know what I need to do in order to cooperate.

I think you are doing what you need to do to cooperate. Let the Spirit work. Part of your difficulty might just be the Spirit trying to lead you. If you feel drawn to formal prayer, or the rosary, do that. If you feel drawn to just tell the Lord about your day, just do that. If you feel drawn to just sit quietly with the Lord, then do that. The Spirit will guide you little by little.

 

[Chen_Zhen]

There is this man up for beatification/canonization named Pierre Toussaint. I am not sure where his process stands right now but he is being considered for sainthood. He was a Slave from Haiti who was freed some time after he came to the U.S.

ewtn.com/library/MARY/TOUSSAIN.htm

I don’t know where the quote is from but someone once told about a remark this main made.
A person asked Pierre what he did and what he said when he made a visit to the Blessed Sacrament and Pierre told the man something like “I simply stay there and love him, and He loves me back”

I don’t know how accurate that quote is, but perhaps you see what I’m getting at here. Let your prayer life be simple and loving. Yes, pray the vocal prayers we are given by Holy Mother Church, but also spend time letting God know you acknowledge Him and desire to love Him. Maybe if you get a chance, you may find it interesting to read about his life for other reasons, the link is not too long of a read.

 

[joshrp]

I guess my main difficulty is in knowing if I am praying. I mean, if I’m thinking about God practically all day long, and sometimes even dreaming about Him, and have a permanent desire to be perpetually hyper-conscious in discerning and following His will, I would guess that is prayer, but I sometimes feel like I’m getting nowhere. Maybe that is the Devil trying to get at me perhaps.

I’ve been affected by mental illness a lot as have many in my family, and maybe that is wearing me down. My thinking is very disordered sometimes, and usually I don’t know what I should be doing.

I often read a lot, but I don’t really feel like reading much right now. I kind of want to know more about mental prayer and contemplation. Somehow I feel like it is not really prayer unless it is vocal prayer, but that would seem to go against most of the saints and doctors of the Church. What about mental prayer? How does that work?

 

[the_phoenix]

Dear joshrp,

God loves you for who you are, and He is absolutely delighted when you visit Him in the Adoration Chapel.

Your praying as well as your quest to pray both strike me as admirable, and God sees the effort you are making to get closer to Him.

If you’re an infant in prayer, what am I? Here’s an actual prayer I said in the Adoration Chapel at my parish, because the green glass container for the candles surrounding the altar reminded me of … well, here goes: “Dear Jesus, You look SO BEAUTIFUL surrounded by those green kool-aid candles !!!”

So don’t feel bad, my friend.

 

[hazcompat]

please do try this

christianmystics.com/Ebooks/Christian_Mystics.html

peace