Difficulty sharing a bed?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Galbin
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

Galbin

Guest
My husband and I got married back at the end of last year. We had bought a house a few months before that. However, we had separate rooms. I knew that once we got married we would need to move into the same room. However, I didn’t really think about it. Then we got married and tried to sleep in the same bed for like a week. I just couldn’t settle. We also had problems with the curtains in our room, and the room was too bright as a result. Shortly after this, I became extremely ill, and I moved back into the guestroom so as not to wake my husband during the night. I slept in the guestroom for six months.

Two weeks ago we finally fixed the window issue, so the room is dark. And I am doing better so don’t have to get up so much during the night. Therefore, husband and I have now been sleeping in the same bed for the past few weeks. And, while it is nice to have him beside me, I just don’t sleep as well. I like to take over a bed and feel like I have space and room to move (even if it only a single bed), and I can’t do that as I don 't want to accidentally kick him or something. Then, I am a tosser/turner and I worry about waking him up. I also feel like I can’t get up to go to the toilet in case I wake him, and that again is not a very relaxing feeling. I actually have my best sleep of the night when he gets up for work and I am left alone for another few hrs to sleep on in the bed all alone.

I know we need to stay sleeping in the same bed as a) we are married now and b) if we are blessed with kids, we can’t have them seeing us sleep in separate rooms. So I know I have to fix this somehow. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this either because they all talk about how they can’t sleep when their husbands are away and how wonderful it it to share a bed. I feel like a freak, so I keep quiet. Also, it’s not just my husband. I’ve hated when I had to share a bed with friends, siblings or any of that.

Any other y husband and I got married back at the end of last year. We had bought a house a few months before that. However, we had separate rooms. I knew that once we got married we would need to move into the same room. However, I didn’t really think about it. Then we got married and tried to sleep in the same bed for like a week. I just couldn’t settle. We also had problems with the curtains in our room, and the room was too bright as a result. Shortly after this, I became extremely ill, and I moved back into the guestroom so as not to wake my husband during the night. I slept in the guestroom for six months.

Two weeks ago we finally fixed the window issue, so the room is dark. And I am doing better so don’t have to get up so much during the night. Therefore, husband and I have now been sleeping in the same bed for the past few weeks. And, while it is nice to have him beside me, I just don’t sleep as well. I like to take over a bed and feel like I have space and room to move (even if it only a single bed), and I can’t do that as I don 't want to accidentally kick him or something. Then, I am a tosser/turner and I worry about waking him up. I also feel like I can’t get up to go to the toilet in case I wake him, and that again is not a very relaxing feeling. I actually have my best sleep of the night when he gets up for work and I am left alone for another few hrs to sleep on in the bed all alone.

I know we need to stay sleeping in the same bed as a) we are married now and b) if we are blessed with kids, we can’t have them seeing us sleep in separate rooms. So I know I have to fix this somehow. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this either because they all talk about how they can’t sleep when their husbands are away and how wonderful it it to share a bed. I feel like a freak, so I keep quiet. Also, it’s not just my husband. I’ve hated when I had to share a bed with friends, siblings or any of that.

Any other newlywed go through this? How long did it take to get used to sleeping in the same bed?*

We have a super king bed, so it’s not a small bed. Also, we are both slim, so not like either of us is taking up lots of space. And nope, this hasn’t affected our sexual life. go through this? How long did it take to get used to sleeping in the same bed?

*We have a super king bed, so it’s not a small bed. Also, we are both slim, so not like either of us is taking up lots of space. And nope, this hasn’t affected our sexual life.
 
It hasn’t affected your “marital” life, you don’t mention that it’s caused any friction between the two of you…🤷…just do what works best for your relationship, and don’t worry what other people think about it. Every married couple has it’s own way of living life. 🙂
 
Look, I’d rather not go into details, but you are definitely not alone in this; I’m a thrasher and a talker, and when my husband has allergies he sneezes a lot. It took some months of getting used to sleeping with each other. I’m afraid I haven’t any brilliant advice to give, except that it does get easier, and my husband says I don’t attack him anymore when he’s getting into bed.
 
on_the_hill said:
It hasn’t affected your “marital” life, you don’t mention that it’s caused any friction between the two of you…🤷…just do what works best for your relationship, and don’t worry what other people think about it. Every married couple has it’s own way of living life. 🙂
Click to expand...
Yes, my husband doesn’t mind either way. And it definitely hasn’t affected sex. However, I do think that it would be bad for us not to share a room, as generally ppl only have separate rooms if they are unhappy. Furthermore, I think kids would be very upset if their parents had separate rooms.

Did you find it okay to adjust to sharing a bed with your spouse?
 
I guess that,if I was in your place, I would get a single bed and put it by the side of your husband’s bed. Just so that, at least, when you have kids, you sleep in the same room 😛
 
Galbin said:
Yes, my husband doesn’t mind either way. And it definitely hasn’t affected sex. However, I do think that it would be bad for us not to share a room, as generally ppl only have separate rooms if they are unhappy. Furthermore, I think kids would be very upset if their parents had separate rooms.

Did you find it okay to adjust to sharing a bed with your spouse?
Click to expand...
If you really can’t get used to sharing a bed why not get twin beds so that you can still share a room? You need to get over fear of waking him when you go to the bathroom. People get used to that type of thing. Has he complained of difficulty sleeping with your moving about? You say that your bed is large. Are you sure you can’t get used to just snuggling up when you are comfortable and moving farther away when you need to do that?
 
Seatuck said:
If you really can’t get used to sharing a bed why not get twin beds so that you can still share a room? You need to get over fear of waking him when you go to the bathroom. People get used to that type of thing. Has he complained of difficulty sleeping with your moving about? You say that your bed is large. Are you sure you can’t get used to just snuggling up when you are comfortable and moving farther away when you need to do that?
Click to expand...
I agree, it will take some adjustment time.I cannot remember how long it took me to adjust. But now that I am pregnant, I am up several times a night using the bathroom or what not. Or my husband has an acid reflux attack, or one of the kids gets up. One gets used to it.

We usually cuddle for a little bit and then turn over towards the edge of the bed to go to sleep.
 
Galbin said:
My husband and I got married back at the end of last year. We had bought a house a few months before that. However, we had separate rooms. I knew that once we got married we would need to move into the same room. However, I didn’t really think about it. Then we got married and tried to sleep in the same bed for like a week. I just couldn’t settle. We also had problems with the curtains in our room, and the room was too bright as a result. Shortly after this, I became extremely ill, and I moved back into the guestroom so as not to wake my husband during the night. I slept in the guestroom for six months.

Two weeks ago we finally fixed the window issue, so the room is dark. And I am doing better so don’t have to get up so much during the night. Therefore, husband and I have now been sleeping in the same bed for the past few weeks. And, while it is nice to have him beside me, I just don’t sleep as well. I like to take over a bed and feel like I have space and room to move (even if it only a single bed), and I can’t do that as I don 't want to accidentally kick him or something. Then, I am a tosser/turner and I worry about waking him up. I also feel like I can’t get up to go to the toilet in case I wake him, and that again is not a very relaxing feeling. I actually have my best sleep of the night when he gets up for work and I am left alone for another few hrs to sleep on in the bed all alone.

I know we need to stay sleeping in the same bed as a) we are married now and b) if we are blessed with kids, we can’t have them seeing us sleep in separate rooms. So I know I have to fix this somehow. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this either because they all talk about how they can’t sleep when their husbands are away and how wonderful it it to share a bed. I feel like a freak, so I keep quiet. Also, it’s not just my husband. I’ve hated when I had to share a bed with friends, siblings or any of that.

Any other y husband and I got married back at the end of last year. We had bought a house a few months before that. However, we had separate rooms. I knew that once we got married we would need to move into the same room. However, I didn’t really think about it. Then we got married and tried to sleep in the same bed for like a week. I just couldn’t settle. We also had problems with the curtains in our room, and the room was too bright as a result. Shortly after this, I became extremely ill, and I moved back into the guestroom so as not to wake my husband during the night. I slept in the guestroom for six months.

Two weeks ago we finally fixed the window issue, so the room is dark. And I am doing better so don’t have to get up so much during the night. Therefore, husband and I have now been sleeping in the same bed for the past few weeks. And, while it is nice to have him beside me, I just don’t sleep as well. I like to take over a bed and feel like I have space and room to move (even if it only a single bed), and I can’t do that as I don 't want to accidentally kick him or something. Then, I am a tosser/turner and I worry about waking him up. I also feel like I can’t get up to go to the toilet in case I wake him, and that again is not a very relaxing feeling. I actually have my best sleep of the night when he gets up for work and I am left alone for another few hrs to sleep on in the bed all alone.

I know we need to stay sleeping in the same bed as a) we are married now and b) if we are blessed with kids, we can’t have them seeing us sleep in separate rooms. So I know I have to fix this somehow. I can’t talk to any of my friends about this either because they all talk about how they can’t sleep when their husbands are away and how wonderful it it to share a bed. I feel like a freak, so I keep quiet. Also, it’s not just my husband. I’ve hated when I had to share a bed with friends, siblings or any of that.

Any other newlywed go through this? How long did it take to get used to sleeping in the same bed?*

We have a super king bed, so it’s not a small bed. Also, we are both slim, so not like either of us is taking up lots of space. And nope, this hasn’t affected our sexual life. go through this? How long did it take to get used to sleeping in the same bed?

*We have a super king bed, so it’s not a small bed. Also, we are both slim, so not like either of us is taking up lots of space. And nope, this hasn’t affected our sexual life.
Click to expand...
Children aren’t silly: if you sleep together, always have, always will but can’t stand each other, the children will pick it up. Conversely, if dad loves mom, is affectionate with mom, likes to do stuff with mom, is respectful of mom, they won’t be shocked if you sleep in different beds. You might have to explain why, but explaining why will put their possible worries to rest. If your husband doesn’t mind, I say go for it. Bonus for the kids: mom is well-rested and more patient.😛 Sort of kidding, but sleep, quality of sleep, is so crucial.
 
According to movies & tv, it’s the norm for married couples to sleep in the same bed. But it doesn’t work for all of us. I am also a tosser and turner, and a blanket thief, to boot. We suffered in the same bed for quite a while as we didn’t have room for any other solution, except the couch.

We eventually went to twin beds, but I couldn’t put up with my husband’s snoring (which is loud enough to wake the dead!). So I now sleep in a separate room. For us, it works great. We both get a good night’s sleep and wake up cheerful.
 
Galbin,

I suspect once you have kids, you’ll find that you are short of bedrooms unless you live in Buckingham Palace.

Maybe try twin beds before bailing on a shared bedroom?

One more thought–even couples that share a bedroom often wind up sleeping in different bedrooms with new infants. With our last baby, I shared the master bed room with the baby while my husband was down the hall in his office on an air mattress and then we worked toward moving the baby into a crib in the office and my husband moving back into the master bedroom. My husband appreciated not having to get up for night feedings.

I know snoring is also a major cause of happy couples sleeping separately.
 
Get a headboard for a king size bed, and put two twin beds side by side. Use twin sheets and blankets on each bed. Then get a king size bedspread to put over the top of both beds to make it look like one king size bed. This should do the trick.
 
amrin said:
I guess that,if I was in your place, I would get a single bed and put it by the side of your husband’s bed. Just so that, at least, when you have kids, you sleep in the same room 😛
Click to expand...
We actually did this when we got married and it worked great; we had two twin size beds that I pushed together. King size sheets covered both beds so it looked like one big bed, but there was plenty of room to stretch out. Separate blankets folded on top helped to relieve the “blanket hog” problem. After a couple of years we were able to afford a real bed and by then it wasn’t a problem.
 
Desi and Lucy slept in different beds (granted in the same room). I don’t see why you have to sleep in the same bed.

My mother slept on the bed with a pile of clutter next to her, and my father (may he rest in peace) slept on the couch. I didn’t think they loved each other less because of that, nor that they were unhappy because of that. (There were far better reason for thinking that.)

I wouldn’t worry about it. Talk with your husband. See what he thinks.
 
TarkanAttila said:
Desi and Lucy slept in different beds (granted in the same room). I don’t see why you have to sleep in the same bed.
Click to expand...
And Dick Van **** and Mary Tyler Moore. That was in the day that the people who wrote the shows respected the fact that there were children watching and they didn’t want to cause scandal, and parents didn’t want to have unchaste scenes on tv. Remember those movies where the man asked the lady, “Will you marry me?” and she said, “Yes” and they had their first kiss. Those days are long gone, aren’t they?

Dear OP, do what works for you both. Sleep in the same bed over night when you can sleep in in the morning and not worry that you didn’t have enough sleep with have a full day ahead of you. My parents did not sleep in the same room because dad could raise the roof with his snoring. Not too hard to figure it out, it made sense. lol
 
Married nearly 18 years, and though we do share a bed we have very different sleeping habits, so I spend much of the night on the couch.

He gets overheated easily, likes to run the fan or AC even in the middle of winter. I like a warm room with lots of blankets.
He falls asleep immediately. I toss and turn and like to read myself to sleep or watch TV until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.
He needs absolute darkness and quiet, which means no reading or watching TV in the bedroom to help me fall asleep.
I’m up off and on through the night with the baby. Sometimes she ends up in bed with us, and then he can’t sleep because she is too restless.
He snores. LOUDLY. Literally shakes the bed sometimes. I can sleep like a rock through most anything, but not with the snoring right in my ear.

So, he goes to bed at 11pm and it’s the couch for me until 1 or 2am (and often I fall asleep on the couch until morning).

I know it doesn’t sound “ideal”, but it works for us and does not interfere with our relationship whatsoever. While there are times I would love to fall asleep next to him, we both sleep much better apart for the first half of the night.

Do what works best for you. If you have a healthy relationship otherwise and your husband doesn’t mind then don’t worry about it!
 
Galbin said:
Yes, my husband doesn’t mind either way. And it definitely hasn’t affected sex. However, I do think that it would be bad for us not to share a room, as generally ppl only have separate rooms if they are unhappy. Furthermore, I think kids would be very upset if their parents had separate rooms.

Did you find it okay to adjust to sharing a bed with your spouse?
Click to expand...
I don’t know where you got the idea that married couples who don’t sleep in the same bed are generally unhappy. That is about as far from the truth as one can get. I, for one have not slept with my husband for about 30 years, as we both snore so badly and are such restless sleepers we keep each other awake all night, and THAT is what makes for unhappy people. (Now I don’t want anyone suggesting we get tested for sleep disorders–we’ve been through all that).

If you really knew how many spouses don’t sleep together, you would be amazed. Most of my friends don’t. Many people as they get older just can’t tolerate sleeping with someone because of snoring, restlessness, frequent bathroom trips, pain, etc.

If you can learn to sleep with your husband, that, of course is best, but if you can’t and suffer from lack of sleep, you need to get your rest, because lack of sleep is hazardous to your health. You can have a great sex life without sleeping together, and if you are constantly tired because of lack of sleep, that can make for a lousy sex life and also strain a marriage.
Try to make sleeping together work, but if it doesn’t, you are certainly not alone and can still have a great marriage.
 
Don’t worry about what your children will think. Children do not have an inborn sense of “normal” sleeping arrangements. Whatever you decide to do, they will see that as normal. That will be their idea of normal… at least until they get old enough to see TV shows or movies with couples sharing one bed.

By the way, some old TV shows depict married couples sleeping in twin beds in the same bedroom:

I Love Lucy
View attachment 20055

The Dick VanDyke Show
View attachment 20056

Also consider the other extreme: My wife and I have sometimes slept together in one twin bed. It’s not easy, but it can be done.
 
If snoring or noise is not the issue, but just room, you could also have one of those set-ups with a bunk that spans the two-person bed crosswise. In that case, your children will think you have the coolest master bedroom in the universe! 😃

Seriously, though, many couples have a bed made up somewhere other than the master bedroom, in case the snoring gets too loud, someone knows they’ll be up and down all night, work makes the sleeping times too different, et cetera. Some just sleep in separate rooms because they can and they both sleep better that way, and they’re fine. Do what works for you. Bring up the question occasionally to make sure your husband is still fine with it as time goes by. He may actually like having a room to himself, too. That is fine. If it is the way you’ve always done it or you have a reason that isn’t rooted in strife, your children won’t think a thing of it.
 
Thanks so much for all these helpful replies! LOL re: Buckinghan Palace, Xantippe. I was thinking the same. I mean we have a 4 bedroom house now, but who knows how many kids we will have? Also, we were indeed planning to have me sleep in the guestroom if I had a baby, as I would want to try to co-sleep for bfeeding purposes. Also, I would rather my husband’s sleep not be interrupted if possible, as he will be the breadwinner then.

As for sleeping in separate rooms, well it is really frowned upon in my culture. The only times couples sleep in separate rooms is when they are emotionally, but just not legally or spiritually separated. For example, my husband’s parents’ have slept in separate rooms for a few decades, and they have a marriage in name only. Then, whenever any couples I know are going through a rough period, they mention sleeping in separate rooms as if it were the absolute end of the world. And, everyone basically used to insinuate that we were freaks when we slept in separate rooms before getting married. The phrase, “They sleep in separate rooms” is said in hushed tones here, with a worried frown upon the face.

It’s not even about my worrying about what others’ think. It’s that I value my marriage, and I think for spiritual reasons a shared bedroom is optimal. I am going to think on some of these great ideas, but the main thing is that it is so nice to know I am not alone.

:grouphug::hug3:
 
Galbin said:

“Then, whenever any couples I know are going through a rough period, they mention sleeping in separate rooms as if it were the absolute end of the world.”

American couples talk about getting sent to the couch after a fight (generally the husband, I think).

If you start producing a baby every two years and keep it up, nobody’s going to talk about the separate bedrooms.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top